


Captivate

by RickGrimes



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Bad Parenting, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Isolation, Kidnapping, M/M, Past Character Death, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Notes, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-20 13:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 59,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9494138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RickGrimes/pseuds/RickGrimes
Summary: Carl Walsh is vacationing on a small island with his parents Shane and Lori. He runs into some trouble from which a heroic tour guide saves him. It turns out to be Rick. Carl and Rick immediately fall for each other, and their relationship intensifies. Initially, Rick sees an old friend in Carl, and Carl sees Rick as a support system, and the only one around him who understands him.What will Rick do when Carl has to leave?





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeydoe](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jeydoe), [BatgirlofHtown1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatgirlofHtown1/gifts).



> This was requested by the user Jeydoe almost 3 years ago... I hope you're still around to enjoy this. :)
> 
> Original prompt: Can you make an AU story where Rick is a tour guide on an island and Carl is travelling with his family? Carl gets lost and is saved by Rick from some people who jump him. Afterwards, they have an attraction to one another that is hot and transforms into love. However (dark twist) Rick won't let him leave, and Carl wants to be back with his family. Rick holds him captive and his family can't find him. Stockholm syndrome maybe?
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is an AU, so obviously some characterization may be a bit off. It is also a work of fiction, and I don't claim to be an expert on police work, hotels, or missing children.
> 
> Also: Non-con is tagged because anything that happens sexual or not is basically non-con on Carl's part (especially if he develops Stockholm Syndrome)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl arrives at the island with his parents. In his excitement to explore the island, he gets lost and encounters some unsavoury young men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the story. I truly hope you'll enjoy it.
> 
> ***Disclaimers so I don't get any criticism about certain things***
> 
> 1\. You'll find that Rick is primarily based on his season 2 and 4 characterization. Carl is based on his season 4 and 5 characterization.  
> 2\. Shane and Lori's relationship is an exaggerated version of their canon relationship. I do not hold any opinion on whether they would be negligent, abusive, homophobic or not. They will be poor parents for the purposes of this story.  
> 3\. I am not an expert on islands, hotels, police investigations, or missing children. If the scenario I have created seems at all unrealistic, it's probably because it is, and I am completely fine with that.  
> 4\. If you don't support this ship or me, that's fine. Nobody is asking you to be here.  
> 

                       

Shane and Lori Walsh hadn't expected the sheriff, Shane’s boss, to be so generous. He had used funding from the office to buy each officer a ticket to the annual summer raffle. There were always 2 winners, but Shane was never one of them because the tickets were too expensive, and he didn't like to gamble. The year before there was a cash prize of one thousand dollars, and one of five hundred. This year, he actually got to participate thanks to the sheriff, and he won the larger prize. He decided to take Lori and Carl on vacation with the extra money. Because it was June, the island resort he'd selected was in its off season--too hot--and the tickets for everything were extremely discounted.

Carl was thrilled to finally go on vacation. He’d been to amusement parks in Georgia, and Florida once, but never out of the country. This time, though, he was going to leave the US. The island was apparently super pretty and tiny, so he didn’t have to worry about too much crowding. It was the off-season according to his parents anyways. He didn’t know too many details about the trip, but that was fine by him; he was eager to get out of town and miss the last week of school.

He had assumed they’d be taking a boat to the island, considering it was surrounded by water, but to his amazement, they took a mini plane. The plane even had those attachments that let it land in water. He was over the moon. Beside himself. This was already the coolest vacation ever. He hoped there were people his age on the island to hang out with, but if not he’d just have to immerse himself in other solo activities. Like eating and watersports. Carl had never minded being alone. The hotel on the island boasted a buffet that featured ‘eating centres’. They had stations of food with different themes. He’d browsed the pictures on the internet. There was Mexican, Italian, German, American, and African, and stations with just pizza or even just different kinds of potatoes, and they even had one for just breakfast food. He didn’t care if that was all this place had; Carl was sold. He planned on gaining at least 10 pounds before the trip was over. He hoped that all of these extras would be available even in the tourism off-season.

When he got there, he realized he didn’t even have his phone which was completely weird. Usually he would’ve noticed since he had his headphones in perpetually. His mom must’ve stashed it before they left. Typical. Oh well, if he hadn’t noticed because of the view from the plane window, maybe the scenery on the land would capture his attention just as much. He didn’t need his phone. There was so much else to do. Right off the bat there was a stand of brochures beside the landing dock. There were lessons available for surfing, sailing, and scuba diving. Tours, and shows. There was an entertainment centre that showed movies, plays, musicals, and dance numbers. There was fishing, shark viewing, swimming, crafts, nightly bonfires, and nature walks. He didn’t even know what to do with himself. He looked up at his parents with a glazed look in his eyes.

“Dude, what am I even supposed to do? There’s so much!” Carl exclaimed.

Shane grunted, “Well I’m heading to the buffet as soon as we get our rooms set up, and your mom wants to check out the hotel spa. Don't get too excited though, it's off season. A lot of this stuff probably isn't available right now.”

“Well do I have to go with you guys?” Carl liked the sound of the buffet, but he didn’t want to just go straight to the restaurant. He wanted to explore.

Lori shrugged, “The island is really small and there’s no way you can really leave. I doubt anyone can kidnap you,” she laughed, “So, I guess you’re free to go.”

Carl clapped, and then rubbed his hands together, “All right then, later guys.” He was going to scope everything out, leaving the bags to his parents. That was his job to worry about when he was the adult, for now he got to have fun.

 

The teen decided to wander around until he happened upon something that especially interested him. He didn’t want to decide to go surf or something and then get sidetracked by the buffet (he’d be spending more than enough time there in the days to come, so he wanted to give outdoor activities a chance). He was going to walk in the direction that the paths led him and he’d see what he found.

He wondered if it would’ve been a good idea to go with his parents so that he’d know which hotel building they were in, as well as the room. But it didn’t matter—Carl was sure he’d see them around sooner or later. There were only so many places he could lose them on the small island.

 

Apparently, he didn’t have to worry about losing his parents since he was lost himself. The thick brush of trees and vegetation was practically unnavigable. It was hot and sticky like a rainforest, and he couldn’t even hear the sound of water to lead him out of the labyrinth because the sounds of wildlife overpowered everything else. Like a newbie he’d decided to venture off the path for a few seconds to grab a closer look at something, and then he’d gotten back on the wrong path and it just ended. Like thanks for leading me nowhere, he thought. At first, the boy was up for the adventure of being lost, but after a while it became frustrating. No matter which way he turned or what path he chose, nothing led back to the hotel or resort, it was all private cabins and storage sheds for the staff. It was just woods.

He was looking behind him to reassess his surroundings and when he turned around, still walking, he ended up running right into someone. Typical, Carl thought. He was all alone in the woods, and trouble still found its way to him.

“Watch it!” An older boy spat at him, pushing Carl away.

Carl noticed that the boy wasn’t alone. The couple other guys gathered around Carl, noticing that he was smaller. And because he was alone, an easy target.

He didn’t want to look weak, but he didn’t want to start a fight, “I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”

“That’s right. You’d be picking a fight with the wrong person,” the asshole said.

“Whatever,” Carl responded, moving to continue on the path he was taking.

“What’d you say to me?” The guy said, moving in front of Carl to block him. The other two guys stayed behind him, waiting for his word. As if they were such tough guys taking on one teenager. "I don't like it when people give me attitude."

Carl was on the ground because of the hard shove he received. The older boy used his weight to pin Carl down, and the others just watched, ready to back their friend up. Carl tried to squirm away. He had no idea what these guys would do to him. 

"What's a little faggot like you doing out here by yourself?"

Carl had never been called that before. He wasn't even sure how the guy knew he was gay. Nobody knew. Nobody at school had ever figured it out, and neither had his parents. How did this jerk know?

"What?" Carl managed.

"I can tell," the guy whispered, moving himself around, about to grab Carl. "You look rich too." The stranger commented, putting his hand in Carl's pocket to take his wallet.

"Don't touch me," Carl said acidly. Who did this guy think he was?

The thief had an eye on Carl's watch too, but Carl wasn't too worried about it. It was no Rolex. He didn't even think he had 20 dollars in his wallet...the rest was his school ID, not like he had a license or a credit card.

"I'll do whatever the fuck I want," the guy yelled, pushing Carl to the ground, and climbing on top of him. "You're a fag anyways. You shouldn't mind." He went to unbutton his pants.

Carl panicked. He didn't know this would happen. He thought the worst thing that could happen to him was being beat up or called names. Or robbed. He didn't want this.

"No please don't. I don't want this," Carl begged.  He squeezed his eyes shut when his attacker raised a fist.

All of a sudden, the boy's weight was gone.

"What the fuck is this?" A stranger roared.

Carl scrambled back from the 3 guys, watching the new strange man. The man was slight, but he had this dangerous look in his eyes, and Carl knew he wasn't to be fucked with. He bet that man could take down a dozen of those creeps without breaking a sweat. He even had a machete holstered on his hip.

"We didn't do nothin'!" The guys said, making for the pathway to get away.

"No, you didn't," the man said, grabbing the handle of his weapon. "And you won't."

"Fuck dude," one of the creeps said, "He's got a fuckin' knife."

"You're lucky I stopped you here," the man said, pointing the machete at all of them, "If you had made it any further on that boy, I'd be cutting your dicks off right now. You three. You go now, before I decide to cut you anyways."

The guys scattered without argument.

 

 

“Hey there,” the man greeted, raising his eyebrows at Carl, holding out his hand to help the boy up, “Are you okay?” When the man spoke directly to him, his entire demeanour changed. He didn't look dangerous anymore. He looked protective and kind.

“Yeah, I think so. Thanks.”

The man let go of his hand once he was upright, “Looks like you got a scrape or two,” he noticed.

Carl looked down at his calf, which was sporting a mild scrape. His palms burned, and he realized they were a bit roughed up too.

“Hey,” Carl said, “Do you have any idea where we are?” The teen looked the man up and down, wondering who he was. He seemed to have enough authority to send people away, judging by what he’d shouted at the punks, but his outfit didn’t make it look that way. Despite the lame getup, this guy was hot as hell. He was wearing a ridiculous touristy shirt, but he somehow pulled it off. His shorts revealed strong, tanned calves, and his shirt revealed the same toned arms. Curly hair on the longer side and a thin layer of facial hair. Carl didn’t think he had a type, but he saw the error of his ways now. His type was this fine stranger.

"No, no, no you don't," Rick said in calm disbelief. "You're not changing the subject. Tell me, truthfully. Are you all right?"

Carl blinked, "What?"

"I don't know if you realize this, son, but you barely got out of that. You were almost...." Rick shook his head, "attacked."

"Oh," Carl shrugged, "I... you saved me. Wow," he raised his eyebrows, looking at the man's weapon.

Rick grinned, "Yes, I did. Thankfully. It's my job to protect you. The people on this island are my responsibility."

Carl nodded, "That's really good. You're, uh...tough."

The man chuckled, "You seem a bit out of it, but that's okay. If you say you're okay, I'll believe you." He reached out to steady Carl before he lost his balance.

"Where are we?" Carl asked.

“We’re about 6 minutes away from the main arrival area,” the man recited, grinning, “I suppose you were lost before the delinquents showed up to help you find your way.”

Carl huffed, “I was on my way back on this path. I knew it was the right way.”

“Well, how about I take you back another way so I can get you to a first aid kit.”

“Uhm,” Carl hesitated, “The scrapes aren’t too bad. It should be fine.” He really wanted to go with the man, but he still didn’t know who he was. “Who are you?”

The man chuckled at the brusque question, “I’m Rick. The tour guide slash groundskeeper slash manager. Not a creep, I promise.” Rick couldn't stop thinking about what he had just prevented. He didn't think that the boy realized just how much trouble he would've been in. Rick had to work to calm himself down. It reminded him too much of an incident from his adolescence. He hadn't seen rampant homophobia like that in a long time, and it reaffirmed his place on the island and away from the cruelty of society. He liked the island because it was his domain, and back home he had been out of place. The boy responded and Rick's mood lightened.

“Oh, you work here,” Carl said dumbly, “I’m Carl. Just got here today.”

“Nice to meet you,” Rick winked, “You’ll get the feel of the island in no time, it’s easier than you think, but at first it’s kind of disorienting.”

“No kidding. I was wandering around and then kind of ended up nowhere.”

“Come on, we can either head back to where you started, or back to my place. My office.”

“You have an office?”

“And personal quarters,” Rick laughed. "A house, I'd say."

“Well okay,” Carl agreed, glad he was with someone trustworthy. Especially someone so good looking and friendly.

Rick smirked while looking at the boy fully, noticing his fair skin and skinny frame. His longer hair was just beginning to stick to his forehead. He looked delectable. He nodded at Carl, acknowledging the boy's appreciation. The newcomer was certainly enough to spice things up. He was probably no older than 16, and Rick didn’t have it in him to feel guilty about wanting him. It was rare that anybody that sparked his interest let alone a young boy. He lived on the island year round which was never boring since tourist season lasted from January to May and October to December, and the other four months left the island inhabited with its regular residents. Rick was fairly close with all of them, and the odd pack of travellers came during off-season. That being said, there were plenty of people he could choose from, but he never wanted to. Carl seemed different though. Rick was interested.

Rick didn't mind where lived despite the periodic loneliness. There was always something to do, and the island was his home. He made a point of taking a couple vacations of his own per year so he didn’t feel entrapped—it was easy to do since his salary was enviable. Working with tourists was extremely lucrative, especially since he was so talented at his job. He guided groups on tours and helped maintain the buildings on land. He was trained in handling all of the boats and water equipment, as well as the land vehicles. There wasn’t anything unknown to him, and people certainly tipped him for it. The resort’s owner considered him as running the place, and the raises offered to Rick proved it. What was all that good for if he didn’t have company in his cabin from time to time? This boy, Carl, seemed like the perfect company. He wondered if that scumbag had been right. Was this boy gay? Rick wasn't sure yet. In a way, he didn't care if he had the boy. He had this newfound desire in his blood to protect. Now that he'd saved Carl once, he wanted to keep him safe. Or just keep him. Carl would be all right with him. Rick could feel it in his bones.

 

“So you’re here with your parents?” Rick asked, trying to get the conversation going. He was curious about this stranger. He already felt involved, as if he should know more about the boy's life. Rick didn't think that Carl owed him anything, but he was glad that he had been given an in. It worried him to think of what could happen to a nice boy like Carl if the wrong people got hold of him. It's what happened to most of the people Rick new. Rick stopped himself before he could descend further into the past. He avoided thinking about his past. Right now he had Carl to occupy him, and he would focus on that.

“Yep, they’re in their room or something. Not really sure how long ago that was though,” Carl replied.

"So," Rick began, "Those guys...did they say anything to you to indicate why they were attacking you?" He didn't want to upset the boy by bringing it up again, but he was confused about what made those guys so violent so quickly. It didn't really make sense.

Carl shrugged, looking at the floor. He was glad that Rick wanted to talk about it and wasn't avoiding the subject or treating him like a baby. "I bumped into the main one," Carl began. "He told me to watch it and I said 'whatever'."

He continued, "Then he told me he didn't like attitude and started calling me all those names."

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "I have a theory about violence like that. The kind that comes out of nowhere. Unprovoked."

Carl tilted his head, interested.

Rick spoke again, "I think people see something in you that they don't like in themselves, and they feel threatened by you. You're living proof that their insecurity exists. Not all the time. It's not a rule. But sometimes. I think that's what it is sometimes."

Carl nodded, "Like he thought I could be gay and was trying to punish me for it because he's secretly gay and hates it?"

The man smiled, "Like I said. Sometimes. It's very similar to that thing girls say to their friends when they try to explain why people don't like them."

Carl raised his eyebrows, unsure of what the man meant.

Rick grinned, "'Oh, they're just jealous'."

The boy laughed, "Yeah. I've heard that before."

"Anyway," Rick shrugged. "Sometimes people are just fucking assholes, and there's no explaining it."

They were quiet for a few moments.

Carl really liked Rick. He was supportive and funny, but not too adulty. He hated when adults acted all superior.

“I bet you’re starving,” Rick guessed.

“Oh God. I was sort of looking for the buffet because it looked great on the website, but obviously, that didn’t happen." Carl remembered his hunger thank to the man.

Rick chuckled, “It’s a few minutes off back the other way. I’ll take you there when we’re done at my place.”

“Awesome,” Carl said enthusiastically. He was starting to get extremely hot. The humidity was almost unbearable. There was no way he was walking the rest of the way with his shirt on. He needed to get his swim trunks from his room immediately and get in the water or something.

Rick was pleased when Carl removed his shirt, rolling it up and sticking it in his back pocket. The teen was sweating, but only just enough to be attractive. Rick looked at his own shirt self-consciously; the Hawaiian shirt was kind of lame, but he loved it because it was a great icebreaker. He considered taking it off just to test his walking partner. He wasn’t going to waste time figuring out if the boy was interested or not since he’d probably be going home soon. Why wait to know Carl more when that used up a perfectly good week of quality time? If he played his cards right and Carl was interested, he could probably have him by the end of the day.

“Aren’t you going to take yours off?” Carl asked, staring incredulously at Rick’s shirt.

Rick thought his goal might be easier to achieve than expected. The boy was aware of his clothing situation.

“I’m used to the heat,” Rick said, dying to know what Carl’s response would be. It would tell him everything he needed to know.

“You can never get used to this heat,” Carl disagreed, “You must think I’ll tease you because I’m so good looking and you don’t think you’ll measure up.”

Rick laughed, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off while they walked, “You are good looking,” he said, “But I’m not sure about the rest.”

Carl almost missed the compliment because he was busy staring. Seeing man chest usually wasn’t too exciting since it was pretty common, but Rick’s body was a different story. You couldn’t turn around without seeing a shirtless guy anywhere, and he didn’t expect it to be less true on vacation, yet seeing this man was exciting. The guy maintained his killer tan all over, apparently. All the exercise he probably got doing his job showed when Carl examined the man’s flat stomach, faintly lined around his abs. The man wasn’t overly buff which was good because Carl didn’t find that too appealing, but Rick was just muscular enough to be fit. What really sold him was Rick’s toned arms, his veins slightly raised under the skin, and the curves of his biceps obscenely defined. He pictured the man easily throwing him around with his obvious strength, being rough with him. Maybe holding him tightly. He needed to be with Rick. Carl bet the man liked him too since he said he was good looking. As long as he didn’t screw up and get shy, getting Rick into bed would be easy. A pleasant addition to the long list of everything else offered on the island.

“Yeah, you definitely measure up,” was all Carl could think of to say. He didn’t have too much experience seducing people—that meaning none. Carl had made out with a guy once, but when he was asked to go further he said no. Carl wasn't particularly shy, and he'd had his experience on the internet. He knew how to talk dirty, and he'd watched porn, but real life experience was different. He'd never been around someone as enchanting as Rick. He wanted this man bad enough to force himself out of his shell. It was weird. Rick didn't make him want to run away in fear of rejection, or out of plain fear. Carl wanted him. Bad.

Carl was kind of scared for things to lead anywhere because he wasn’t a seasoned member of the ‘getting busy club’, but he still hoped it would. He could tell Rick was a lot older, but he didn’t care. Sometimes attraction just happened. He looked at his own parents. His dad was harsh, a cop...kind of an asshole too, but okay all around. And his mom was simple and nice. She stayed home as a respectable housewife. They got along extremely well despite having nothing in common. He loved both of his parents and wanted a relationship of his own. Rick seemed to have a completely different lifestyle than he did, considering he was like 20 years older, but it didn’t bother Carl. The man was funny and nice, and hot…what else was there to consider?

Rick had Carl sit on his office chair while he put Neosporin on his scrapes. The boy was right, and his abrasions barely called for first aid, but it was an excuse to spend more time with him. Rick liked Carl, a lot. By the shy, heated glances he kept throwing Rick’s way, the man could tell the feeling was mutual.

Rick took a chance when he bent over his chair, resting his weight on his hands on either side of the chair’s arms. He got his face close enough to Carl’s to look directly in his eyes, and when he didn’t receive protest, he closed the distance. Rick pressed his lips to Carl’s carefully, smiling when the boy hesitantly moved his lips in return. Rick took his hands off the chair and put them on Carl’s face, holding it steady so he could kiss him with slightly more force.

Carl opened his lips wider apart so Rick could go further if he wanted. The man knew what he was doing, way more than the idiot Carl’d made out with back home. Rick tasted good and Carl wanted more. The teen moved forward so he could stand up, wrapping his arms around the man’s waist. He tried to turn them so that Rick could sit in the chair while he sat on the man’s lap. Rick understood what Carl was trying to communicate and followed through, pulling the boy to sit in his lap while they made out.

Rick had put his shirt back on upon entering the office for professionalism, but Carl’s was still off. The man used this to his advantage when he slid his mouth to Carl’s shoulders and chest, nipping and sucking at the boy’s delicate skin. Carl didn’t know what to do, so he just tilted his head back to let Rick do his thing. The man’s stubble dragged across his skin, the roughness soothed by his gentle lips. Carl couldn’t believe this was happening. After a while they slowed down, understanding that it wasn’t going any further than this yet. Carl was hard, but he just ignored it, sitting on Rick’s lap for a while longer before pulling away.

The man grinned at Carl when he slid off his lap, and he licked his lips at the sight of Carl’s neck and chest. He’d left a handful of hickeys there, mostly intentionally. Maybe it was a dick move since the boy had to be on vacation—shirt off—with his parents, but Rick couldn’t say he was sorry, and he knew the boy had loved it.

Rick kept his promise and took the boy to the buffet after they were finished.

“You would’ve had to put your shirt on anyway,” Rick said, chuckling at Carl while he rubbed his neck, blushing.

Carl stuck his tongue out at Rick, vowing to leave some marks of his own if he got the chance again.

“Are you going to eat with me?” Carl asked, pausing outside the entrance.

“I would, but I gotta get doing my rounds. If you want though, I’ll be at the beach around 6. You can stop by if your parents don’t mind.”

Carl rolled his eyes, “As if I was going to ask them. I’ll be there.”

“See you then,” Rick smirked, placing a kiss on Carl’s cheek and then walking away, “Oh, and there’s a map of the island right there,” he said, pointing to the stand holding it, “You should be good without me.”

Carl’s cheek warmed even more under Rick’s touch and then he frowned in mock indignation at the teasing. Yeah, he was definitely leaving marks on Rick later. That guy loved to tease.

 

The boy ate like he’d never seen food before. He ended up being in the restaurant building for almost an hour. Afterward he was stuffed, but the discomfort was worth it. He didn’t understand how Rick could be so fit when he had all of this food available to him at all times. If Carl stayed here for any more than his designated vacation time, he’d blow up like a balloon. He blushed when he thought of all the things he and Rick could do to work off the food.

It was strange how fast everything was happening. He had been on the island for a few hours and already he’d gotten to first base with an attractive stranger. What else did his trip have in store? Carl was going to be meeting up with the man again later, too. How much further would they go when they were alone for the night? Carl was more excited than nervous. At 15, he thought it was time he lost his virginity. Who better to do it than Rick? The trustworthy, quirky, and nice tour guide.

His parents just so happened to be walking into the restaurant when Carl was walking out.

“Whoa there,” Shane said, “Where’ve you been, buddy?”

“I went for a walk on the trails, and then I came here to eat,” the boy explained.

“Did you meet anyone? Do anything interesting?” Lori asked eager to hear the details of her son’s day. It was difficult to keep track of him, so she learned to get as much detail as possible out of quick conversations.

“Yeah, a couple kids,” Carl lied, “They want to hang out later at the beach.”

“Damn straight they do,” Shane congratulated, “They know how to pick the cool kids.”

Shane and Carl high fived before Shane continued, “We’re in the west building, room 15 and you’re room 14. Whenever you decide to come back.”

Carl nodded, “Got it. This place is so cool.” He was fortunate that his parents were so easygoing; he was pretty much allowed to do whatever he wanted which would be quite handy if he was going to be spending more time with Rick.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time, sweetheart,” Lori replied.

Carl waved bye to his parents and headed to the island map to locate the beach. He kind of wished Rick had offered to come get him or even stayed with him to eat. The island was kind of tricky to navigate, and it would’ve been good to be with someone who knew his way around. After half an hour of walking, Carl made it to the right part of the beach, spotting Rick near the water.

 

“Carl, you made it,” Rick grinned, setting down his surf gear next to a lifeguard’s chair. A few people were in the water a few hundred metres ahead, but other than that, the beach was deserted. Rick was technically always on duty, but his scheduled shift was over. He had the entire night to be with Carl.

“Yeah,” Carl blushed.

“Your parents know you’re here?”

“Nah. I told them I was with a couple guys I met. They think I’m hanging out with kids.”

Rick raised his eyebrows at the boy. He was insanely perfect. Rick wouldn’t even have to convince Carl to lie so they could sneak around inconspicuously.

“That couldn’t be further from the truth,” Rick said, raising his hand once more to Carl’s cheek so he could hold it while he kissed him. Rick had to bend to be able to reach the boy’s mouth, but he didn’t mind. Soon enough, he could have the teen against a wall and hold him up at face level.

“How old are you?” Rick asked. He guessed that the boy was anywhere from 13 to 16, but it was kind of hard to tell since Carl was smaller.

“Uh,” Carl hesitated, “I’m a teenager.”

“Number,” Rick prompted, “Come on, it’s okay. I know you’re not 18, that’s obvious.”

Carl blushed once more, “15.”

Rick nodded, “Well, well,” he said.

“You’re not mad, are you?” Carl asked, concernedly.

“Of course not,” Rick frowned, “You’re cute,” he said with a decided shrug.

“Cute?” Carl repeated, “So what, we’re just friends then?”

Rick laughed, “I have more than enough friends. I don’t need another one. You’re something a lot better.” He kissed the boy once more, allowing his hands to wander down Carl’s body. The man felt Carl’s waist and back, trailing all the way down to his ass.

Carl loved the feeling of Rick’s hands on his body. The firm yet gentle, exploratory grip. He kept his own hands in place around Rick’s waist, not knowing how to proceed. He wanted to feel Rick’s body, but he didn’t know where to start. Maybe it’d be easier when they were more alone. Right now he felt a little exposed on the beach.

“Rick? Can we go to your house or something?”

The man didn’t answer right away, remaining slightly bent so he could keep kissing his new partner. Carl found it very distracting and pleasurable and almost forgot he was waiting for an answer when Rick gave him one.

“Yeah we can go,” he muttered enthusiastically, not wanting to stop what he’d started long enough to walk to his home. The only thing that got his feet moving was the promise of what more was to come. He was pleased that the boy was willing to move fast with him. Undoubtedly that boy’d never even had sex before. Maybe he hadn’t even kissed someone else, judging by the way he kept his hands still. Rick didn’t have a preference either way—he would’ve found the boy endearing whether he’d had experience or not—but it was more than satisfying that he’d be the first one to peruse Carl’s body. Usually virgins were scared to get involved with older people, especially strangers, but Carl didn’t seem to share that fear. Rick knew that this meant Carl was naive. If Carl was naive, that meant he was taking advantage. Rick felt a little guilty, but not enough to stop. Rick liked Carl's inexperience and couldn’t wait to show Carl that he was right not to wait. The man had special things in store for him.

When they got back to Rick’s cabin, they’d cooled off, but there was a tangible tension in the room. Rick wanted to jump his guest, but he was trying to restrain himself and wait for the go ahead. Carl didn’t understand how delectable he looked, especially when he was wearing Rick’s marks from earlier. The boy was self-conscious when he took off his shirt, claiming that it was hot, but Rick didn’t care what excuse the boy needed to help himself gather courage. He was just glad the boy’s shirt was off. Rick didn’t bother saying that he had the air conditioning on and he was actually quite cold.

“Carl?”

“What?” Carl jumped minutely, surprised at the broken silence. He was biting his lip nervously.

“What did you want to do?” Rick asked, dropping the bait.

“I don’t know, anything. What were you thinking?”

Rick smirked, “You can do better than that. Why don’t you come over here and show me what you want to do if you can’t say it?”

Carl gulped, smiling shyly. He stood up from the chair he was in and walked over to Rick, just standing in front of him. Rick put his hands on Carl’s naked chest, thumbing over the goosebumps formed across his skin.

“You’re hot, huh?” Rick teased, flicking over Carl’s nipple, eliciting an outbreak of more goosebumps.

“I was,” Carl protested, shivering under Rick’s touch. He took his place in the man’s lap, imitating their position from earlier. He moved deliberately atop Rick so he could rub against the man’s crotch. Rick thrust his hips up to prolong the contact between him and Carl.

“Let me,” Rick said, reaching for the button on Carl’s shorts.

“Do it,” Carl permitted.

Rick undid Carl’s pants and pulled them down enough to expose his dick. He couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight of Carl’s adolescent anatomy. He shifted so that he could unzip his own shorts, pulling out his erection quickly, wanting to release the pressure.

The man gripped himself and Carl simultaneously, sliding their cocks together within his fist. He wanted to get Carl off as soon as possible so the boy would stick around for more. If the boy had too much time to question himself and what they were doing, it would fuck everything over, especially since they were moving so quickly.

“Holy shit,” Carl gasped, holding onto Rick’s shoulders and moving his hips to thrust his dick into the man’s fist. Just the image of Rick’s hardness along his own was enough to get him off, but the feel of it was exquisite.

Rick groaned as he picked up his pace, his way made easier once there was more precome to lube his movements. Carl came first, shooting conveniently into Rick’s fist with a low shout.

“That’s it,” Rick soothed, continuing to move his hand up and down his shaft with Carl’s come slicking the way. He came within a few strokes, reaching for the Kleenex beside his couch to wipe his hand off.

He zipped himself up and then Carl, shifting the boy off his lap delicately so they could sit side by side. Rick put his arm around the teen’s shoulders and pulled him close, tilting his head so they could share another kiss.

“Wow,” Carl said dumbly.

Rick nodded in agreement. He wondered what Carl was going to do now. Either the boy would make an excuse to leave out of fear or insecurity, or he would want to stay. Rick sincerely hoped he hadn’t scared the boy away. He wanted to keep Carl around. Play with him. Learn more about him. Rick didn’t care what they got up to; he just wanted the boy for his own.

“So, how long have you worked on the island?” Carl asked, breaking the silence.

Rick sighed, “About 15 years now. I started straight out of college when I was 21.”

“Do you like it?” Carl asked, adjusting his position so that he was lying across Rick’s lap.

The man rested his hands on Carl’s body, moving his hands gently up and down across the boy’s skin. “I love it. I wouldn’t mind working here for the rest of my life.”

“I hope I find a job like that,” Carl expressed.

“You will, Carl. Smart boy like you can do anything he wants.”

“I’m not smart,” Carl argued.

“I highly doubt that,” Rick said, “What are your best subjects in school? What are you good at?”

Carl deliberated, “I’m good at gym. I guess. I don't know.”

“Kinesthetic,” Rick mused, “Movement. You could do what I do. You could be a personal trainer, or a soldier, maybe an officer.”

“My dad’s a cop,” Carl said.

“See? It all comes down to knowing your strengths and skills. Intelligence isn’t the same in everybody. When I was in school, I learned quick that book smarts wasn’t my area of expertise. I still do well. I even went to college, but to get this job I used what I was good at. Leadership. Communication. Recreation and sports. It all worked out.” Rick was uneasy about Carl's father being a cop. He didn't like cops.

Carl listened to Rick speak. The man was so confident and self-assured. It was fascinating to hear the man talk about his past. Carl thought what Rick was saying made a lot of sense. He thought of what he was good at, and Rick was right. Sports. Games. Interacting with people.

“I could do something like this,” Carl said, “Like what you do. It’d be so much fun.”

Rick nodded, “Plus you’d get to stay with me here.”

Carl blushed. Rick liked him and wanted him to stay. The man also thought he was smart and good looking. How was he supposed to leave when the time came? He wanted to stay with Rick.

The boy sat up so he could be face to face with Rick, “I want to stay here.”

“You can,” Rick nodded, “It’d be so easy. You could work here. Like a year-round vacation.”

Carl nodded at the man, “And I could leave to go to school too, then come back.”

Rick frowned, “Well, you could go to school, but you wouldn’t need to since you know me.”

“Oh,” Carl responded, “That’s awesome!”

Rick smirked, “You’re not quite old enough to work here yet, but you could just stay here with me regardless. I could show you the ropes and then when the time comes, you’ll be ready. We can work together.”

Carl was in disbelief. He couldn't believe that someone like Rick was so enthralled with him. Rick wanted him to stay, and Carl didn't want to do anything to disappoint Rick.

\----

Carl had a hard time believing what had just happened. Things had moved so quickly. It scared him how willingly he had submitted to Rick. He had known the man for less than a day, and he’d already _done things_ with him. What the hell? He felt like the man had cast some spell over him. He thought about how Rick had protected him and taken care of him. Carl wasn’t sure what all of this meant. He was going to be leaving soon, and it wasn’t like Rick could come with him. As much as Carl wanted to live in fantasy land here on the island, he knew he would have to leave. Sure he could come back, but he couldn’t stay there permanently. It sucked. He hated how excited Rick had been about the idea of him staying. What was Carl supposed to say? Would he ever get to speak to the man again if he left?

He and Rick were walking back from his home to the hotel. Carl wasn’t going to ask Rick for help, but Rick had insisted. In the end, Carl knew it was a bad idea to go alone, and he wanted more time with Rick anyways.

“Carl, you’ll get lost out there. Trust me. It seems easy going somewhere when you’re with someone who knows the way, but as soon as you’re alone you start second guessing yourself and wondering where you are. Seriously. I’m coming with you.”

Carl wasn’t going to object, obviously. He preferred having Rick with him, but he liked to think he could do it himself if he really wanted to. He needed Rick though. He noticed that earlier Rick was good to let him to by himself, but now it seemed Rick wanted to go with him, suggesting he wouldn’t be fine alone. Carl wasn’t sure what to make of Rick’s differing opinions. He liked to think that Rick wanted to spend more time with him.

“So you’re in this building?” Rick asked when they reached Carl’s hotel.

“I’m not sure…I guess so. My parents said that we were in room 15 or something, well they are. I’m in room 14.”

“This is the only hotel on the island, so it must be this one. Otherwise it’s cabins and huts.”

“Why would people stay in those?” Carl asked.

“I stay in a cabin,” Rick laughed, “It’s a different experience. I mean, my cabin is just like a house. The guests who stay in huts like the wilderness experience, but they still come to the buffet at 7am. They don’t really want to commit to the outdoor life.”

“And you do?” Carl asked.

Rick shrugged, “No. But I could if I really needed to. I read survival books for fun. I don’t have cable or internet at my cabin. I just read. You wouldn’t believe what it takes to live out there, exposed. Practically everything is poisonous or predatory. Even if someone had the will to stay out there, they would die without the knowledge.”

Carl felt a little prickly at Rick’s cockiness. How did the man know he could do it? He completely believed Rick. Something about the man was dangerous and strong. If anyone could survive in the wilderness it was him, but what made the man so sure? He wanted to play devil’s advocate.

“Okay,” Carl began, “But how do you know that you’d remember everything from the books once you were really out there? How can you know it’d be that easy just because you read some books?”

Rick grinned. He liked the challenge. Usually people just accepted what he said. If you were confident, people listened to you. He wasn’t used to being questioned. “You’re right. Absolutely. I once knew a man, he used to stay out in the woods for weeks, hunting and living off the land. He had a crossbow and a knife. That’s it. He would eat animals raw,” Rick said, watching Carl’s reaction. “Anyways, I went out with him once in a while just to see what it was like. It was very uncomfortable; your own stink was enough to make you gag, but it was empowering,” Rick explained. “That’s why now that I’m here on the island, I keep up with the reading. I have the experience. Daryl, that was his name, he taught me the hunting, and the tracking, and the skills. The books taught me the details. It’s good to know that if anything ever happens, you can survive.”

“Wow,” Carl said. He was thoroughly impressed. It was nice that some of Rick’s mystery was gone, but it was also a bit scary. Something about the way Rick spoke made him intimidating. Carl had an eerie feeling. “What happened to Daryl?”

“He…He went into the woods one day, and he never came back,” Rick said quietly. “He was my best friend. Like my brother. I grew up with him. He always disappeared into the forest—said he got on better with the animals than people. So I never thought anything of it when he went off on his own. Next morning, I decided to follow him. Thought I could use a break from it all,” Rick looked at the ground, pausing. "I would track him, and find him. Then we'd continue together."

 

Carl felt bad for Rick. Rick usually sounded so confident and jubilant. He could tell that whatever had happened to Daryl was having a strong effect on the man.

“Rick,” Carl said, “What happened?

Rick shook his head, “When I finally caught onto his tracks. I could tell he’d been followed.”

Carl grabbed Rick’s hand.

“He was dead. Murdered.”

He’d never told anybody about Daryl before. It felt good to share it with someone.

“Who did it?” Carl asked, trying his best to comfort Rick by hugging him. There was nothing he could say though. Nothing would truly fix Rick.

“I always had my theories, but I could never prove anything. The boys at the police station all liked to cover for their buddies. That’s why I left town. Went to college, and then came here. I wanted to start over, away.”

Carl completely understood. He felt nothing but sympathy for Rick and his friend. He wished there was something he could’ve done. Rick probably blamed himself. Carl had already noticed that Rick liked to protect people and do the right thing. If Rick hadn’t been able to save Daryl, he probably thought he’d failed him. Carl wished he could’ve found the right words to say to Rick, but there was nothing.

“Goodnight, Carl,” Rick said, kissing the boy on the cheek. He really hoped that Carl would consider what he said. He wanted the boy to stay. Carl didn’t talk too much, and he wasn’t rude. Rick enjoyed the boy’s company immensely. He could share the silence with that boy for years to come. He could tell. Seeing Carl made him miss Daryl, but it also made him accept what had happened in a weird way. He could see that he still had a future, even though his friend wouldn’t be with him. Carl was there for him now, and he would be there for Carl. He would always be there for him.

Carl went into the hotel. He knocked on his parents’ door.

“Carl,” Lori said worriedly, “Where have you been? We went down to the beach and you weren’t there. You scared the hell out of us.”

“Man,” Shane shook his head, “You got explainin’ to do. Carl. You answer your mother, ya hear?”

“I was at the beach, Mom. Really. Then the other kids wanted to get some food. We ran into some other people and we went to their cabin.”

“Were they drinking?” Lori asked. “Have you been doing drugs?”

“What?” Carl said, scrunching up his face, “Of course not. Some of them had beers, but there was no drugs. Not even cigarettes.” Carl had no idea why his lying was coming so easily. He guessed that when it came to protecting his and Rick’s secret, lying was worth it. He knew enough that Rick could get in trouble, and he didn’t want his parents to be mad. So lying it was.

Shane put his hands on his hips, “Look, we let you run free because we know you wanted to have a little fun, but this ain’t cool. You can’t be runnin’ along all over the island when we don’t even know where you are. Hell we barely found this hotel, and that’s two of us. How’d you find your way back? I don’t want you gettin’ lost out there. From now on, you’re either with us, or you tell us where you’re gonna be and you stay there.”

“Okay,” Carl mumbled, “I understand.”

“It’s a privilege for us to be here,” Lori added, “Show some respect.”

Carl rolled his eyes, “You took my phone away, how was I supposed to call you? I came back to the hotel once already and you guys weren’t even here, so how’s that fair?” Carl was gambling, but he wanted to show his parents up. “How could I have found you to tell you that I was going somewhere else?”

Shane frowned, “He don’t have his phone?”

Lori straightened, “I kept all of our phones at home so we wouldn’t be tempted to use them. Plus I didn’t want any long distance charges.”

“Jesus Christ,” Shane said, “All right Carl, whatever. Just go to your room, meet us in the morning. We’ll go to breakfast.”

Carl smiled smugly, “See ya,” he said in parting.

Stupid parents.

The room was dark when Carl entered it. It was much smaller than his parents’, but it was a good size for just him. He flicked on the light, expecting to see a spider or a snake creep away, but thankfully there was nothing. Yet.

He went to bed immediately, stripping to just his underwear. He had turned the ceiling fan on, but it was still humid as fuck.

Carl was tempted to touch himself before falling asleep, but he wanted to save that for Rick. He felt anxious to be all alone in his hotel room. He wished he could’ve just stayed with Rick at his place. Ugh, he could only imagine. He already missed Rick in the short time that they were apart.

Despite his loneliness and the strangeness of the room, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please come follow me on Tumblr~  
> -I answer questions about stories and my opinions on the Grimescest ship. I post original and unoriginal content about Andrew Lincoln, Chandler Riggs/ Rick Grimes, Carl Grimes.  
> -I also give notice as to when new stories or chapters of stories will be out.  
> -You'll also get drabbles that haven't been posted on here!
> 
> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	2. Day 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Carl have an unexpected encounter.

Carl went to breakfast with his parents in the morning; they'd seemed to have forgotten the incident from the night before. He was glad that they didn't enforce any rules or a curfew on him. That would've ruined all the fun he could have with Rick.

All day, Carl kept his eye out for the mysterious man, and for the boys who'd attacked him. He couldn't stop thinking about those guys, and why'd they'd bothered with him. Carl wondered if Rick had the authority to send guests away from the island. As far as he knew, there weren't any policemen around. How did they enforce laws? Carl would have to ask Rick...it sort of made sense that the man carried a machete around. Not to mention how tough the man seemed; he had to fend for himself on the island, Carl guessed. He didn't want to imagine what would've happened if it weren't for Rick. More than gratitude, he felt admiration and desire. He wanted to see the man again.

 

It was dinner time when Carl finally got his wish. He spotted Rick from his position at the buffet station. Carl wasn't sure whether to call the building a cafeteria, or a restaurant, or a food pavilion...he settled on referring to the whole set up as a buffet--it was easier. Rick was at a table with a black woman. She had a full head of braids and a ridiculously white smile. Carl raised his eyebrows at her. Why did all the hotel staff look like they were warriors preparing for battle? She wore a lot of leathers, and carried a knife on her hip.

Rick looked from the woman briefly, scanning the room. He felt the corners of his mouth turn up when he spotted the boy. Rick couldn't help but smile back at Carl--the boy was blatantly staring from across the room. Rick winked.

Carl's heart fluttered. He felt heat on his cheeks. Rick had noticed him. It wasn't just a one time thing, then. Carl concentrated on keeping his expression neutral as he returned to where his parents were seated.

Lori smiled fondly at the boy, "What did you pick, Carl?"

Carl twisted his mouth to one side in thought, "Uhh, just some pasta, and salad. Oh, and some roasted potatoes. How 'bout you?"

"I did the make your own stir-fry thing. There's so much selection here."

Shane nodded, "I'm glad you guys are havin' a good time."

Carl nodded distractedly, trying not to look at Rick. He didn't want to seem desperate, or be obvious in front of his parents. "Thanks, Dad."

Shane shrugged happily, "I tell ya what, this is some good shit," he commented, holding up a forkful of macaroni and cheese. "Your mom and me will have to have ourselves a walk later. Wanna come?"

"Maybe..." Carl said. "I was thinking of hanging out with the other kids again. Like last night."

Lori nodded, "I'm so glad you made some friends. After one day... It's too bad they don't go to your school."

Shane looked at Carl oddly, "What do you need them for? You got friends at school." Shane clapped Carl's back.

"Yeah," Carl agreed. He looked at his mom with a shrug. He hadn't really told his dad that school wasn't going that great. His mom knew, though. He always felt comfortable telling his mom the truth. She was pretty understanding. His dad was too, but he didn't want to let him down. Carl knew that Shane had been popular in school; he knew that the man wouldn't understand why things weren't the same for him. Carl was embarrassed. All he wanted was for his dad to be proud of him, but it was so hard.

Carl was surprised to notice that Rick was gone when he finally bothered to look up. The boy sighed. Of course he missed out on seeing Rick leave because he was thinking. His dad always said that he spent most of his time in his head.

 

Carl didn't end up going for a walk with his parents, or sneaking out. He just stayed at the buffet, trying different desserts, hoping that Rick would come back for him or something. He went back to his hotel, and rented a PayPerView movie from the TV. He fell asleep, but not as happily as the night before.

 

The boy woke up a few hours later in a daze. He wasn't sure why he'd woken up. Carl looked around the room, confused. The alarm clock beside him read 3:23. He froze when he heard a rattling at the door. Someone was trying to get in. He immediately thought of those guys from the path the day before. What if they’d come to finish what they started? Carl didn’t know what to do, so he cowered by his headboard, under the blankets.

The door opened, and he wanted to cry. Who was it?

“Carl?” A voice whispered.

Rick.

“Holy fuck,” Carl breathed. “It’s you.”

The door closed and locked.

“Who were you expectin’?”

“I don’t know,” the boy admitted, “Those guys from earlier.”

“They’re not going to bother you,” Rick assured in a whisper, “I just came to check on you. I finished my rounds, so now I’m free.”

Carl noted happily that Rick wasn't ignoring him earlier. He was just busy working.

"Is it okay that I'm here?" Rick wondered. Maybe he'd overstepped a line, but he had wanted to see Carl. Badly. He was pretty sure that the boy wanted to see him too. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you earlier. We couldn't plan anything."

"Of course," Carl nodded. He was tired, but pleased. He didn't really think that Rick would want to spend more time with him, and not so soon. He liked that the man didn't play games... he obviously went after what he wanted. "It's okay. I figured you were busy."

"I'm glad it wasn't just a one time thing," Rick admitted. "I wanted it to be more."

Carl blushed, watching Rick carefully. "Me too."

 

The man took his boots off, then his shorts and shirt. He stood before Carl's bed, a silhouette wearing only his boxer briefs. Carl salivated at the sight. He pulled the covers back so Rick could lie next to him. Rick wasted no time crawling on top of him. He positioned himself over Carl, holding himself up with his hands. Carl admired the way Rick’s muscles flexed with the effort of supporting his own weight. The boy looked up at Rick, waiting for him to do something.

Rick looked into Carl’s blue eyes, finally going in for a kiss.

Carl was so hard it was all he could focus on. He had no idea what Rick was planning. He liked what had happened before, when Rick had both of their dicks in his hand. Carl didn’t know how it got better than that.

“What do you want?” Rick breathed, backing off from Carl to straddle him instead.

Carl squeezed his eyes shut, “Anything. Please.”

Rick marvelled at the sight of Carl’s body beneath him. Pale and thin. Inexperienced. Rick wouldn’t have cared about any of it. He just liked Carl’s kindness, and his understated strength. He wanted to keep Carl forever.

The man wasn’t sure what Carl would do, but he felt like pushing. He moved further up on the bed, coming to kneel over Carl’s lying body with his knees on either side of the boy’s chest. Carl moved his arms so Rick’s knees could fit snugly right under his armpits.

Carl looked up at Rick who was bracing his hands on the top of the head board. The boy took a breath, moving his fingers to Rick’s waistband to pull it down. Carl exposed Rick’s cock, watching it protrude from the man’s body. It was a lot bigger than his own. Carl guessed what Rick wanted, so he licked his lips and got to it.

Rick bit his lip, removing one of his hands from the wall to cradle Carl’s head and keep it in position so he could fuck his mouth.

The man tested Carl’s gag reflex by pushing deeper and deeper, waiting for the boy to stop him, but Carl never did. The boy took everything he gave. Carl kept his lips tight around Rick’s cock. He enjoyed the feeling of his lips going numb. His jaw started to ache. He noticed Rick’s thighs starting to tremble. The man clenched his body, trying to hold off a little longer.

“Carl,” Rick mumbled, grabbing a hold of himself so he could control the sensation. He pulled out of Carl’s mouth, rubbing the head of his cock against the boy’s lips. "Stop me if you don't want this."

Carl sucked harder in response.

“Holy—,” Rick grunted, letting himself go. He came in the general direction of Carl’s mouth, some of his come shooting across his neck and face, and some of it landing on Carl’s tongue.

Rick gripped the headboard. He pulled his underwear back up and he kissed Carl on the lips before he kissed his neck to clean up the mess he’d made. Rick grinned at the purple and pink marks still on Carl’s chest and neck from before. He wanted to make more. He could still feel the sensations of Carl’s tongue on his dick. He wanted more, but he knew he couldn’t just take. He could see Carl’s flushed face and chest. The boy’s own erection waited to be taken care of. Rick couldn’t decide how he wanted to do it.

“Can I…?” Carl asked, “Uhm.”

“What?” Rick asked, kissing Carl’s neck and jawline. “Just ask, and it’s yours.”

Rick moved his hand to Carl’s boxers, slowly moving his way to Carl’s dick.

“Whoa,” Carl said, shuddering.

The man moved his thumb over Carl’s head, “It’s okay, tell me.”

Carl was going to ask to do what Rick had done to him. He wanted Rick’s mouth on his own dick. Just the thought in combination with Rick’s exploring hands didn’t give him a chance to ask.

He came in his boxers. Rick just stroked him through it. “Wow,” Rick approved, “That was easy.”

Carl was amazed, but disappointed with himself. He could usually last longer when he was by himself. Rick was incredible.

“What were you going to ask me?” Rick wondered. He knew that Carl had wanted something more than just coming in his pants

“I wanted to do what you did.”

Rick nodded, “Let’s do it. It’s better that this happened. You’ll be able to last longer. If you’d put it in my mouth before, it would’ve been over before it even started,” Rick winked.

Carl blushed.

Both of them switched positions. Carl was small, so he had a harder time fitting over Rick’s chest, but they managed by having Rick sit up, and Carl stand. Carl hadn’t even lost hardness. He was even harder than before if that was possible. His dick fit into Rick’s mouth easily, and the man let him go all the way to the back of his throat. Rick grabbed Carl by this ass and even drew him in closer, pulling him against his face.

Carl rested his hands on Rick’s curly hair, threading his fingers through it. He still didn’t last long, but this orgasm was a lot more anticipated and stronger than the last. Watching Rick work at him was like a dream come true. When Rick opened his eyes and looked up at him, he had to close his own eyes because it was too much. This was much better than just kissing or handjobs. He liked this a lot. Rick swallowed it down when Carl came. Carl couldn’t help but pull a little on the man’s hair. It was irresistible. Carl wished he could’ve come on Rick’s face, but he didn’t have the control to pull out and stop himself yet. He would have to do it in the future though. For sure.

Rick stayed by Carl until he fell asleep, but he couldn’t stay the entire night. He had work to do. Before he left he kissed the boy on the forehead.

Rick whispered, “Sleep well. And think about what we talked about. Stay with me.” He meant it. He didn’t want Carl to go anywhere. He was starting to love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me at grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	3. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ocean is a great place to have a deep conversation. ;)

Day 3

Rick only slept for a few hours, and then he was ready to begin the day. He started his shift at 2pm. He was technically on the clock all day since there was always work to be done. When it was busier on the island he had less to do since other workers were hired to come pick up the slack. It was a catch 22 because he was really too busy to be spending so much time with Carl, but there were less people around to notice, and he was the main person in charge. On the other hand, if it was busy season he'd have all the time in the world to be with Carl, but there'd be people everywhere--a lack of privacy he wasn't interested in.

Rick put his concentration into his work. He fixed the plumbing in a few of the hotel rooms, and he caulked some of the windows at the cafeteria. He even reorganized some of the sports sheds near the beach. He didn’t have any tours to give that day, but he did want to step in and check on Michonne and Glenn, his best friends on staff. He wanted to see Carl, but after the events of the day before, he realized he may have been coming on too strong. He wanted to play it cool, so he wouldn't scare the boy.

The first thing he did when he got to the office was look up the names of the 3 jackasses who had hurt Carl, and he made sure their credit cards were billed for extra fees like, “Misconduct resulting in damages to the hotel”, and “Misconduct resulting in guest complaints and discomfort” which meant that they would have to reimburse the hotel for the money it would lose if the uncomfortable guests happened to check out. He was glad Carl hadn’t checked out, but if he hadn’t intervened, the boy probably would’ve had to. Those fuckers deserved worse than bills, but it was all Rick could do without getting his hands dirty. He hated that they were still on the island, but the planes and boats that came to pick up guests weren't available every day. He'd have to wait a couple of days to send them home.

After that, Rick didn't have much to do, so he reviewed some of the security footage from the hotel, and wrote new task assignment sheets for the staff. Off-season was a great time to catch up on paperwork and update systems. Rick also liked to brainstorm ideas to bring more business to the island. It wasn't exactly his job per se, really, he didn't have a job description. Somebody owned the island and their business partner owned the hotel, and the staff was all from hiring agencies. Rick had worked his way up the chain for 15 years to achieve his position. He had only met his bosses a few times, but they liked to earn their money from a distance. It was all privatized, so they weren't under the same scrutiny that a chain business would be. Rick pretty much had his run of the island. As long as he kept everything in order at the hotel, and nobody died he was good. The kitchen staff had their own manager, there was formal maintenance staff, maids, and entertainers, and of course there was island security, but only when the hotel's occupancy reached a certain number. Most of the staff was cut back by more than half in June. Rick was a natural leader, so he was the informal manager of the entire island...the position had just fallen into his lap because of his seniority and charisma. He'd learned the respect of mostly everyone since he was so good at the job--it was his entire life; he was the only one who stayed year round.

It was easier said than done to play it cool when it came to Carl. Rick kept thinking about him while he performed his daily duties. He was trying to stay busy so that he wouldn't be tempted to seek the boy out, but it was a difficult temptation to resist. He wanted to ask Carl about his life, and his parents. He wanted to get to know the boy more.

He lasted until 9 before dialing the boy's room number into the hotel phone. He made sure to send his staff on a break. Rick didn't want to be questioned.

"Hello?" Carl asked uncertainly.

"Hi," Rick answered. He smirked. He figured calling was more casual than just showing up the boy's room...who knew if his parents were around. Even if he checked the cameras, there was no guarantee.

"Are we meeting today?" Carl asked. He'd been thinking about Rick the entire day. He'd gone for a walk with his parents, he'd gone swimming in the ocean, and then gone for a walk alone. He didn't venture too far off the path since he didn't want a repeat of his first day, but it was still fun. Since he didn't have his phone or laptop, he had to keep himself busy. He'd hoped that he would see Rick by accident somewhere around the island, but he hadn't. He felt a thrill run through his body when his parents mentioned getting a tour of the island. Carl knew that Rick was a tour guide, and it would be fun to spend more time with him, and really get to know the island, but he didn't know if he wanted Rick around his parents. It would be weird.

Rick paused to suppress a smile. "Only if you want to."

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" Carl wondered.

Rick frowned, "Maybe, but I'm fine with it. We don't exactly have much time together."

Carl sighed. Rick was right. He would be leaving soon. What was the point of taking it slow? "Where?"

"I'll meet you at the beach," Rick decided. "Come whenever you can get away from your parents. I'll wait."

Carl grinned. "See you soon." Carl shivered. He looked around his room in anticipation, wondering if he should bother changing or showering. He probably tasted salty from the ocean...his hair was tousled and a little messy from the water, also. He couldn't decide whether he should leave it or fix it. He wanted to get to Rick as soon as possible though. He didn't want to waste any time.

 

Rick looked at his watch. 10:37. Carl was taking a little longer than expected, but Rick didn't mind. The beach was so calm at this time of night, and it gave him time to think. He watched the tide roll in and out, counting how many waves came up, but he gave up after a few minutes. He wondered how it would go with Carl... could he stand just talking with the boy, or would both of them get carried away? In a way, Rick didn't want to be physical. He wanted to get to know Carl on a personal level. Really, you could have sex with anyone, and not know them. But to take the time to speak to someone and ask questions...that was knowing them. As long as they didn't lie.

 

Carl felt a rush when he spotted Rick sitting in the sand. He walked as quickly as the sand would allow him. He would've run, but it would've flung sand everywhere and made a mess of Rick.

Rick smiled at the boy. "How are you?"

Carl shrugged, "Okay. You?"

"Can't complain," Rick responded.

"I was so bored today," Carl admitted.

"Oh? There's so much to do," Rick grinned.

"I know, but not a lot of those things are available as readily as they would be normally. And.."

Rick looked at Carl expectantly.

"And you were busy," Carl complained.

"Well what do you want to do?" Rick asked. "The entertainers only come out on weekends for the next couple of months. But we still have surf lessons, tours, the buffet, rock climbing, ropes course, and the spa."

Carl raised his eyebrows.

"Swimming, jet-skis, nature walks, campfires..." Rick listed.

"Campfires? A bunch of rich people actually want to get together with strangers and sit around a fire?"

Rick shrugged, "Island regulars...the ones who stay all year, and the staff mostly attend. They're fun. Sometimes we project movies in the cafeteria and extend the hours. It isn't really the rich crowd who comes out here."

"That sounds fun," Carl admitted, "I'm just--"

"Surprised?" Rick supplied. "Yeah, sometimes the island seems more like an adult summer camp than a fancy resort. Probably because it's the only one. It's not a chain or anything, so the owners can pick whatever kind of thing they want. I like bringing people together, anyway. Sometimes we have karaoke."

"Do you ever sing?" Carl laughed.

"Once a week," Rick admitted. "Just to prove that I can. I don't particularly enjoy it, but if you display confidence even where you're not...people will naturally follow you, and it's important to me since I'm the superior to a lot of people here. I also want them to know that I can have a good time."

Carl nodded, "Makes sense. I could never do that."

"Sing?" Rick clarified.

Carl nodded.

"I'm sure you could, but it's okay," Rick smiled. "If you don't want to, you don't have to. I'm sure there's something you'd be good at."

"I'm a good shot," Carl said.

"You shoot?" Rick asked. "I'm impressed."

"My dad taught me," Carl admitted. "I'm getting pretty good. But I don't know if that's something the other tourists would want to see."

"I'd love to see it, even if they might not," Rick shrugged. "Those kind of skills are more useful than most of the things people know."

"Do you shoot?" Carl asked, eyeing Rick's machete. He wondered why Rick was able to just walk around with that on his waist. It was sexy, but a little intimidating.

Rick nodded, "My dad taught me too."

"Cool," Carl answered.

"Has your dad done anything else for you?" Rick asked carefully.

Carl frowned, "Like besides teaching me how to shoot?"

"Yeah," Rick nodded. "Is he a good guy?"

Carl tilted his head, forming an answer. "He's... he's a little in your face. Kind of rough. He taught me that, and other kinds of skills, I guess. Like tying knots, and a little bit of hunting, but nothing more normal. I guess. He's a good guy, but he's not exactly warm and fuzzy."

Rick's face was blank as he listened to Carl. "Your mom?"

"She's good," Carl said easily. "She always picks me up from school, and takes me to the store when there's new video games out...She buys me comics too. We don't spend a lot of time together, but she's nice."

"Who do you spend time with then?" Rick wondered.

"Uhh," Carl looked away from the man, and to the sand. Rick was really interested. Answering all of these questions was kind of embarrassing. It really put into perspective how little he had going for him. "I don't really. I don't really spend time with anyone," Carl shrugged.

Rick nodded. "A lone wolf, then?" He smiled. Carl looked sad.

Carl shrugged, "It's not really a choice."

Rick understood exactly what he meant. "You'll find a friend. When you do, hold on to them. I didn't, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made."

Carl looked at Rick, "Daryl, right?"

"I think about him every day," Rick admitted. "In a way, you're lucky that you don't have to worry about anyone else. Most people move on, or you get bored, or they get taken away...it's rare to ever have something permanent."

"Sorry," Carl whispered. "I know it's not fair of me to complain about not having friends. I never had one that died."

"Carl," Rick replied, "I'm the one who brought it up. Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Maybe I'm just a lonely old man."

"Rick," Carl mimicked the tone that Rick used when saying his name, "You're not an old man. And you don't seem lonely."

"Not anymore," Rick admitted. "I don't know what I'm gonna do when you leave."

Carl looked out at the ocean, "I don't know what I'll do either."

Rick turned slightly so that he could face Carl. The man waved his fingers through Carl's hair. "You were in the ocean."

Carl leaned into the man's hand, "Yeah. My parents asked me about all the bruises on me."

"What'd you say?" Rick wondered, leaning in to Carl's ear.

"I was play fighting with some kids from around the resort."

"Do you think they'll realize that you're the only person under 18 on the island?" Rick chuckled, leaning further to kiss Carl's neck.

Carl was going to answer, but then Rick started on his neck, and he was too concentrated on not giggling.

Rick could taste the salt on Carl's skin. "Swim with me," he invited, taking off his t-shirt.

 

Carl watched as Rick stood up and undressed. The night was so peaceful and balmy, and he could see all of the stars with ease. It was so different from the city.

"Where are you from, Rick?" Carl wondered, remembering his own hometown. "You're American right?"

Rick nodded. "Georgia."

"Holy cow, me too," Carl grinned.

Rick already knew that.

"The city?" Rick asked. Carl didn't have too much of an accent.

Carl nodded, "The country?"

"Yeah," Rick responded.

Carl tried to look away when Rick finally removed his boxers.

Rick held out his hand to help Carl up.

"You can stay in your shorts if you want," Rick assured. "Don't feel like you have to..." Rick gestured to his naked body.

 

Carl stripped down to his boxers, leaving it at that.

"Do your parents know that you like men?" Rick asked. The water was up to Rick's waist and up to Carl's chest.

Carl dunked himself under the water, waiting a couple seconds before resurfacing. "No," he admitted.

Rick nodded, snaking an arm around the boy's hips.

"Do you want them to?" Rick continued.

"I don't know..." Carl pondered. "I don't know if they'd exactly...like it."

Rick latched onto that immediately. Were Carl's parents homophobes? That would be all the justification he needed to hate them.

Carl waited for Rick to ask another question. He liked that Rick was curious and interested. Nobody ever asked him questions about his life. Rick was silent though, so Carl continued. "I hear my dad make fun of certain things on TV, or talk about people from his work... I don't know. Maybe it's nothing. My mom doesn't really agree with him, but she doesn't say that it bothers her either. I can't tell, and I'm kind of too scared to ask."

Rick knew what that was like, "My parents were the same. My father would never have accepted it. My mother wouldn't have approved, but she would've gotten used to it. I never told them, so that you're even thinking about it is more than I ever did."

Carl was surprised. It didn't look like anything scared Rick. Maybe Rick's confidence had come with adulthood. "It was a different time though..." Carl offered. "A lot of people still get shit for it today, but not as bad as before."

Rick tilted his head. "I hate that it has to be that way. I don't get why people think it's such a big deal. I've had girls, and guys... I've seen all kinds of things on this island too. Tourists can be a little crazy. I figure if nobody's hurting anyone. Who cares?"

"Yeah," Carl sighed. "I wish everybody saw it that way."

"I should probably go back," Carl announced reluctantly.

"Yeah," Rick agreed. "Parents."

Carl sighed. "Should we see each other tomorrow?"

"I want to," Rick answered, turning toward Carl. "We don't have much time left together. But only do it if you won't get caught. Stay safe."

Carl bit his lip. Rick wasn't even pressuring him about not coming out to his parents. Ugh. The man was so understanding and kind, and he'd obviously been through so much in his life, and yet he was still such a gentle person. Dangerous and gentle. Carl could see that although Rick had taken shit in the past, he wasn't about that life anymore. He admired the man so much.

The boy moved forward. His burst of emotion toward Rick wanted to manifest itself physically. Carl hugged Rick, mashing his face against his chest. Rick wrapped his arms around Carl in response immediately.

"I'll walk you back to the hotel," Rick offered, naked, dripping wet in the sand. "It's late."

He had a feeling that he and Carl wouldn't see each other the following day--well actually that day since it was way past midnight. Their conversation had been a little heavy, and that probably meant a day off from their little tryst.

Rick wasn't ready to go back to his house by himself. Being with Carl had energized him. Why would he go to sleep if he wasn't tired? The man went to the office to make sure everything was in order. He was pleased to see Glenn and Michonne had gone. Done for the day. Sometimes they stayed late so they could bank extra hours. Most of the time, the midnight shift was Rick’s responsibility in off-season. Rick’s job was to keep things in check--which he loved. He liked being in control of things on the island. Being the only one in the office made it easier for him because to log into the computer and take care of personal things. Since he'd already been in earlier, there weren't any work-related things left for him.

He searched the Internet to find out more about Carl, and his parents.

Rick wasn’t sure what he thought about Carl’s parents. They were both average looking. The dad looked like a prick, and the mom looked decently nice. He knew looks could be deceiving though. Who knows how they actually treated Carl behind closed doors? Maybe they were negligent or abusive. He got the impression that Carl was being easier on them than they deserved. Homophobes. Disgusting.

Rick plugged in the names of Carl’s parents into Google…maybe he could dig up some dirt on them and justify the negative feelings he had towards them. Shane and Lori Walsh. Rick grimaced. Carl Walsh? What a bad name. Rick whispered it to himself, “Carl Walsh”. He didn’t like it. “Carl Grimes,” he said with a little smirk. Now that was better.

The man remembered seeing Carl with his parents in the dining hall. The father had seemed okay, but nothing special. Rick hadn't been able to catch much of the conversation, but by the way Carl and Lori avoided eye contact with the man, Rick could guess that he was a tyrant. The woman seemed almost submissive, and Carl looked like a little kid in the man's presence. Rick glowered at the computer screen. He didn't like people who tried to make others feel small.

He also didn’t like to think of himself as obsessive or crazed, but the more he looked at Shane’s picture, and the more he found out about the cop through reading online articles about his policework, the clearer his situation became. This guy looked like an absolute dick, and he bet that he could prove it. Prove it to Carl. He would turn suspicions into certainties. For some reason, just the cruelness around Shane’s eyes reminded him of the past. He didn’t know Shane and he didn’t know Lori, but they looked entitled. Carl had said his dad was a cop. He bet that the woman was a housewife. Just regular Southern folk. Just like the people who had taken Daryl away almost 20 years before.

Rick shook his head. He needed clarity.  That was a different time. Different people. He needed facts before he acted. If he wanted revenge for Daryl, he wouldn’t get it by hurting innocent parents. Unless they weren’t innocent at all. Maybe they were deadbeats just like Daryl’s parents. It was just difficult not to connect Carl with Daryl's memory. Daryl had been his best friend, and he hadn't been there to protect him when it mattered, and now he had a chance to protect his new friend...his new more than friend. Before, he was just a kid. He had no way of going about getting Daryl's killers arrested, and even if he could've, nothing would've come out of it. Things were different now, this island was Rick’s territory, and he could do whatever he wanted.

It was almost morning before he left the office. He walked back to his cabin slowly. He wasn't a machine...he needed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	4. Day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Carl don't want to move too quickly in their relationship. They cool their heels for the day, sticking to interaction that isn't so physical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like the direction of the story. What's your favourite part so far?

Carl was lucky that his parents went to bed early, otherwise he would never have been able to sneak out with Rick the night before. Unfortunately, they were early risers also, which meant he had to wake up at 7am to go to breakfast.

"You look like a zombie, Carl," Shane commented, alternating sips between his coffee, orange juice, and water.

"So do you," Carl raised his eyebrows.

Shane grunted. "Where are those friends of yours?"

Lori looked up from her fruit salad to hear Carl's response.

"They're uhh. They stay in the huts on the other side of the beach," Carl lied.

"Why?" Lori wondered.

"They want a more authentic vacation."

Shane shook his head, "Bunch of weirdos."

Carl shrugged. "Are you guys having a good time?"

"S'alright," Shane nodded, nudging Lori with his arm, "How about you, hun?"

Lori smiled, "I like it a lot. It'd be nice to have a tour though. It's so easy to get lost."

Carl's eyes widened. He didn't want Rick to meet his parents. It would be embarrassing. He was already young enough, but being seen tagging along with his mom and dad would be mortifying. Especially since Rick hadn't exactly heard the greatest things about them. What if Rick confronted them? Carl realized that he could definitely see Rick trying to discuss his parents' views on sexuality. Rick seemed confrontational towards people he didn't know personally. It might be interesting to see, but not any time soon. Carl liked knowing that Rick would stand up for him. Rick was tough.

"Maybe we can take a tour later in the week," Carl suggested. "It's kind of fun trying to figure it out for ourselves. Plus tours cost lots of money."

"Yeah," Shane nodded, "I like the way you think. No point in touring. We know where the food is and where our room is. That's all I need."

Lori frowned, "Carl you look beat. Maybe you should go lie down. We were active yesterday."

Carl was grateful. "Yeah, that's a good idea, Mom. I'll see you guys later. Go ahead and make plans if you want. I have a feeling I won't be awake until later."

"All right, sweetheart," Lori answered. "Maybe we'll see you at dinner."

Shane nodded. "I'm gonna take your mom down to the gift shop anyhow. Then we'll probably do one of them nature walks. We'll see you later."

Carl nodded, heading back to his room. He was tired, and he got the feeling that Rick needed a day alone so that he could actually do work, or take a break. He had nothing else to do but nap.

 

Carl napped until noon. The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the phone beside his head. It gave him an idea. Maybe he and Rick didn't have to hang out, but they could at least talk. He chanced that Rick was even in the front office. He had seen some other people working there before. He wasn't even sure if Rick did a lot of office work. Maybe when they'd spoken on the phone last, Rick was just stopping in.

"Gah," Carl said to himself. He should just do it.

The phone rang a couple times before he head Rick's voice, "Front desk."

"It's Carl," Carl said awkwardly.

"Hey," Rick answered, his tone friendlier than before, "How are you?"

"I'm not sure," Carl answered honestly. "I miss you."

"Me too," Rick said quietly.

"Are you alone? Is it okay that we're talking? I'm sorry," Carl babbled.

"Carl, please," Rick laughed. "It's all right. We can talk. Always."

Carl's heart beat faster as he clutched the phone to his ear. Everything he said to Rick was always answered with such an outstanding compliment. The man could turn the simplest worry or insecurity into an opportunity to shower Carl with affection. He wasn't sure how to handle Rick's fast love. Nobody had ever felt that way about him before. Ever. And Carl had never felt that way about anyone else either. It was magic.

"I was just thinking," Carl sighed, "About our conversation last night."

"Yes," Rick encouraged.

"Maybe I should tell my parents," Carl tried. "I want to be honest."

Rick nodded on his end. The office was dead--he'd sent Michonne to do rounds, and Glenn wasn't scheduled until the afternoon. Plus it was a Wednesday. "I think honesty is a great idea, Carl," Rick answered, "But, you have to be ready to tell them. You can't just do it because you think you should. Especially if you're not one hundred percent sure that they'll be okay with it."

"Yeah," Carl agreed. "I know... I just felt kind of inspired by you."

"Really?" Rick asked, shocked. "I was a coward when I was your age. Hardly anything inspiring about me."

Carl shook his head, "You're brave now though. You stand up for yourself, and for strangers. Me. I want to be like you. Maybe if I start young it will stick better."

Rick laughed, blushing. "Thank you."

Rick continued, "I think it's a good idea to tell them eventually. I always wish I'd had the strength, but I just want to warn you. They may be...shocked. Or angry. And I don't want you to get hurt. But, I do support whichever choice you make. I can't tell you what to do," Rick said, choosing his words carefully. He didn't want to be discouraging, but he didn't want to give Carl a big pep talk only to have the boy shattered when his parents turned out to be bigger dicks than they seemed.

"Fair enough," Carl replied. "I just...Being able to be myself with you. It made me want that all the time. In my... I don't know how to say it. Not my real life. But my life at home."

Rick switched the phone to his other ear. It was upsetting whenever Carl mentioned his life back home. Rick wished Carl could just forget that life. Forget his unsupportive parents, and stay. Rick didn't want to use Carl's life against him to justify his wishes, but really. Come on. Carl had no friends, no boyfriend, no siblings, terrible parents, and high school...not much waiting for him. But if he stayed on the island... Rick could give him everything.

"I want that for you," Rick stated. "You should be able to be yourself. You're amazing."

Carl ducked his head, "You always such nice things to me. You don't really know me though," Carl disagreed. "Maybe you're wrong about me."

Rick raised his eyebrows, "I'm never wrong, Carl."

Carl smiled sadly. "I'm not the person you think I am."

Rick shook his head. He didn't respond at first. It kind of seemed like Carl had stolen his line.

Carl waited for Rick to speak. He was worried that he might've revealed too much. Did Rick think he was a loser?

The man finally gathered an appropriate response. "No... No Carl," Rick sighed before continuing, "You're...you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Really?" Carl whispered too willingly.

"Even if you turn out to be some delinquent murderer...you're still cute. I'd still want you," Rick laughed, trying to make light of the conversation. It was odd for him to be so forthcoming and serious. Usually he was the king of casual. Carl made him want to be honest.

"Oh my God," Carl whined.

"I gotta go," Rick announced, not wanting to reveal anymore of his emotions. "I work for the rest of the night, but tomorrow. We can see each other tomorrow."

"Okay," Carl agreed. "Can't wait."

Carl bit his lip thoughtfully after hanging up the phone. Could he really be in love? Was meeting Rick the thing that would finally get him to open up to his parents?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something you don't like? Come tell me at grimesobcest.tumblr.com. We can talk about it. :)


	5. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Carl get frisky after a day of no physical contact.

Rick thought about the conversation he'd had on the phone with Carl. He was proud of the boy for taking such a step, but at the same time he was terrified. Carl's parents didn't seem like monsters, but they seemed fairly cold. Rick could read people well, and although he hadn't met the Walshes personally, he had seen them around, and on the security footage; plus, he'd seen their pictures enough times, and he'd formed his own conclusions from Carl's words. They were not going to be happy. Especially the father. Rick was anxious all day, waiting to hear from Carl in some form. He had a feeling that the boy was going to dive in to the situation head first. Carl seemed feisty despite his lack of self confidence. Rick hoped that Carl would grow out of his insecurities soon. The boy had no reason to be ashamed.

Rick couldn't help but thinking...if it didn't go well, it could only work in his favour. Why would Carl want to leave with his parents if they didn't respect his choice?

He knew that they were going to see each other, but it was already 8pm, and Rick was waiting for Carl to contact him first. Rick didn't want to push.

Rick waited near the buffet for a half hour, hoping to see Carl or any trace of him. Rick already missed him. He knew better than to sneak into the boy’s hotel room. This time Carl would have to come to him. Still, he knew Carl wouldn’t be able to find his way to his cabin.

As soon as Rick spotted Carl, he called out to him. "Carl, over here."

"Thank God," Carl greeted. "I was just working myself up to go through the woods to find your place."

Rick chuckled, "Not on my watch. Do you want to go there now?"

Carl nodded. He smiled when Rick grabbed his hand to hold it.

"So," Rick encouraged. "Did you tell your parents?"

"No," Carl admitted. "I chickened out."

"Oh," Rick huffed. "I was nervous all day. Wonderin'."

Carl nodded, "Yeah, sorry. I know I made it sound like I was gonna do it. I just...it's a little too soon."

"I understand" Rick said honestly.

 

Carl was silent when they approached Rick's cabin. He was a little nervous. Was Rick going to expect sex now? Real sex? He kind of hoped, but at the same time, he wanted to wait a bit. Don't be stupid, he thought. You can't wait forever.

"Are we going to have sex?" Carl blurted as soon as he sat on the couch.

Rick laughed, shocked at Carl's outburst. "It depends."

"On what?" Carl asked skeptically.

"What you consider sex," Rick explained. "Technically we already did."

"Oh," Carl said. "I mean... actually."

Rick shrugged, "If you want, I'd be more than happy to, but if you don't. That's fine too."

Carl nodded. He shifted on the couch. Even just talking about sex with Rick got him hot.

Rick smirked at the boy. He walked over to Carl, sitting next to him on the couch.

Carl looked at the man out of the corner of his eye. What was Rick going to do next?

"I like you, Carl," Rick admitted quietly. "At first, you reminded me so much of Daryl. I know how it sounds... but just talking with you, and being with you. I feel like I've known you my whole life."

Carl smiled, listening to Rick's words intently.

"It's only been a few days," Rick noted, "But you mean the world to me. Already."

Carl agreed. He felt the same. He stayed quiet, hoping that Rick would say more.

"If you're worried I won't like you as much if you don't give yourself to me completely, stop," Rick continued. "I'm not interested in you for that."

"Me too," Carl replied. "I could do anything with you...nobody understands me like you do."

Rick nodded. "That being said. Know that it is on my mind, and when it happens, I don't think it'll be a night I forget too fast."

Carl blushed.

 

Rick got up to walk around the living room. "How about a tour?"

"Okay," Carl agreed sheepishly.

The front door to the cabin opened into a fair sized living room, off to the right was an doorway that lead to the kitchen. In between the living room and kitchen was a hallway. Carl was familiar with the hallway since Rick had taken him through there to get to his office. Beside the office was a large bedroom. At the end of the hall was a small bathroom.

"Wow, this place looks so tiny on the outside, but it's actually big," Carl commented. "What's down there?" He asked, gesturing to the stairway in the kitchen.

"Oh," Rick said, "That's my basement. It's finished. It's got a cellar, and a laundry room. Nothing special. I don't spend too much time down there."

Carl sat atop Rick's kitchen counter, swinging his legs. "So what do you want to do?"

Rick smiled. "We could watch a movie, or go for a walk. I could make you something to eat if you're hungry."

Carl ducked his head, "Maybe we can watch a movie. Do you have any good ones?"

"What do you like?" Rick grinned. He walked toward Carl, fitting himself between the boy's legs.

The boy shivered, "Why do you like me so much? It doesn't make any sense. You don't know me that well. I don't know you. Why do I like you so much?" Carl babbled.

Rick chuckled, pushing Carl's hair behind his ears, "I want to know you. In a way I feel like I know everything there is to know about you."

Carl frowned, "You're still a mystery to me. I want to know everything."

"All right," Rick agreed. "Ask me anything."

Carl smiled, pleased. "When did you lose your virginity?"

Rick bent forward to put his lips on Carl's neck. "18."

"Really?" Carl asked. "To a girl?"

"Yes," Rick replied, biting Carl's skin lightly.

"Ahhh," Carl whined, "What's your favourite movie?"

Rick switched sides, continuing his assault on Carl's neck, "Forrest Gump."

"I like Tom Hanks too," Carl laughed. He could feel his dick responding well to Rick's kissing. He tried to resist the man, so he could continue his questioning.

"Favourite colour."

"Red."

"Middle name."

Rick stopped, "Nope."

Carl rolled his eyes, "Why does everybody care so much about middle names. It's so dumb."

"I don't have one," Rick clarified, continuing down Carl's chest, through his shirt.

"Me either," Carl agreed. "Uhhh. How old were you when you first did it with a guy?"

"24," Rick answered, unbuttoning Carl's pants.

"Geez," Carl hissed, moving his hips so it was easier for Rick.

"Was Daryl your boyfriend?" Carl asked bravely, hoping that the sensitive topic wouldn't hurt Rick.

"No," Rick answered. "We were like brothers. He never even came out," the man sighed.

 

"Choose," Rick continued, "I can finish what I started, or we can keep doing the questions thing."

Carl watched Rick look at him hungrily. Carl was completely hard, and Rick looked desperate.

"I-" Carl started. "Uhm." He wanted to ask Rick more questions, but he couldn't deny his anatomy. He slid his hand under his boxers, squeezing himself before shoving the material down, exposing him completely.

Rick nodded in approval.

Carl gripped the counter tightly, knuckles turning white. He didn't make any noise, only appreciating the sensations in his mind.

How could he leave the island. Leave Rick? How could he ever give this up.

Carl thrust his hips forward and up, his eyes fluttering when the tip of his erection made contact with the back of Rick's mouth.

After Carl was finished, Rick kept doing what he was doing, not stopping until Carl was hard again.

"Ohhh," Carl whined, his body shaking, he put a hand to his chest, feeling his nipples. It felt crazy good to be this high strung. The sensation was almost too much. 

Rick finished off the boy again. He looked at Carl admiringly, noticing the tears in his eyes, and the deep blush on his cheeks. Rick could feel the burn in his jaw. It was exquisite.

Carl leaned forward after a couple minutes of disbelief, putting his hands on Rick's zipper.

"No, no," Rick mumbled, "Just you tonight."

Carl removed his hands, leaning forward to rest his head on Rick's chest. He was sleepy all of a sudden.

"You're so...fucking hot," Carl muttered, letting his tired hands slide down Rick's body again.

"Mmm," Rick sighed, putting his hand on Carl's head, and the other hand atop Carl's wandering hands. He could think of nothing better than getting off with Carl, but he didn't want to take anything from the boy. He wanted to show Carl that his pleasure came first. Still, after he put Carl into bed, the boy fell asleep instantly. Rick gripped himself out of necessity, squeezing his shaft tightly, and feeling the throb overtake him. He wanted it so bad, and with Carl lying beside him it was like his cock had a mind of it's own. Rick didn't touch Carl or even look at him, but he thought of him as he stroked himself slowly. Although his orgasm was staggering, he didn't move. He couldn't wake Carl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	6. Day 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick realizes that he's never going to be able to let Carl go. He can't stand to see the boy unhappy.

Carl was surprised to wake up to an empty bed. His cheeks reddened as he remembered the previous night's activities. The reminder led his eyes and his thoughts to the hardness between his legs. It felt weird to complete his morning ritual in someone else's bed, especially Rick's. The man could walk in at any moment. Carl didn't really think Rick would care, but that didn't mean he was quite ready for that situation. Not yet.

Carl smacked his lips a few times, adjusting to the morning sensations. He hated waking up. It dawned on him that it was morning. Morning with Rick. Bed. He tried rearranging the words in his mind a few times, trying to gather the meaningless bits and pieces into a coherent thought. Parents. Hotel.

"Shit," Carl blurted, jumping out of the bed. His parents were going to be so pissed. He'd already gotten on their radar when he stayed out too late at Rick's before, and that was just a few hours. If they found him missing in the morning...they would know he'd been out all night. They might come looking. They might freak. "Shit," Carl repeated, pulling on his clothes and running out of the room. Where the fuck was Rick? He needed help following the path back to the hotel. What time was it?

"Rick?" Carl called, agitated.

"Yeah?" Rick responded.

Carl traced the man's voice to the kitchen. The man was making breakfast. How not to be rude? Carl wondered.

"I, uh," Carl started. "My parents."

"What time do they usually get up? Rick wondered.

"7. 7:30. I'm gonna be in so much shit," Carl panicked. "I need to get back. Like now."

Rick looked at Carl evenly without responding.

Carl felt guilty when he saw the tinge of disappointment flash across Rick's face. "I'm really sorry, Rick. I just need to get back before they know I was gone, and then I can come right back or something. We can still eat together. I..." Carl didn't know what else he could do.

Rick smiled, "I'll get you back in time. Let's go now. It's 5 after 7. We got a bit of time to spare."

Carl sighed in relief.

"I should've realized, Carl. I wasn't thinking. I could've woken you at 6 when I got up..." Rick explained.

Carl nodded, "It's cool."

 

Rick only walked to the end of the path with Carl, and then he turned around to go back home. In Carl's hurry to return to the hotel, they didn't kiss in parting. Carl waved and rushed off. It stung Rick more than he would admit, even to himself.

It didn't feel right walking the path without Carl, Rick noticed. Already, it had become habit to walk with the boy. Rick really wasn't interested in doing it alone anymore.

When Rick reached his cabin, he prepared the rest of the breakfast slowly, wondering if Carl would return. He contemplated whether the boy even realized he'd suggested coming back without specifying a time. Rick couldn't meet him at the pathway's opening to walk with him if he didn't know when he was supposed to be there. Rick should've known Carl was just being nice. Carl wasn't going to be coming back. At least not that day. He cared too much about what his parents thought; he wouldn't risk going out again after having such a close call. Rick was almost embarrassed that he'd let himself be fooled by Carl's politeness. Of course the boy would apologize and offer to come back...it didn't matter that he wasn't really sorry, or that he wasn't really planning on coming back. Or staying, for that matter. Rick slammed his fist on the cutting board. "Stop this," he ordered himself.

He knew he was getting angry for no reason. Why was he so fucking angry? He paced the kitchen, ignoring the breakfast in progress. Carl was 15. He had parents. Rick didn't want him to get in trouble. He kept repeating that to himself to take the edge off. Carl wasn't abandoning him on purpose; he had to go. Rick knew it was for his own benefit. Carl's parents couldn't know that they'd been spending time together, or else it could get ugly. Not only would they wonder why a 40 year old man was hanging out with a 15 year old, but they would wonder why Carl was sneaking out to do so. Especially since Rick was a man. Rick rolled his eyes at the thought. He was getting tired of Carl's parents. Always getting in the way.

Rick threw the breakfast in the garbage and stalked down the path to the hotel. Might as well get to work.

 

By mid afternoon, Rick was calmer. Michonne and Glenn had been avoiding him in the office--they'd noticed immediately that he was in a mood. He was getting impatient to see Carl, and to find out the outcome of the morning's events. Had Carl been caught? He needed to know before he went mad.

Finally, he was put out of his misery when he saw Carl and his parents coming from the gift shop. Carl had a new hat. Rick couldn't help but smile at how cute Carl looked in his brown, wide-brimmed hat. He wondered what had made the boy choose that particular one; that one was the least popular, sitting in the shop season after season.

His smile faded quickly when he heard Carl's dad speaking.

"Don't know why you wanted that stupid thing," the man shook his head. "Don't do nothin' for you."

"I think it looks sweet," Lori said lightly.

Shane shook his head, "You ain't the one who paid for it."

Lori looked away.

Carl frowned, "We can take it back then. You didn't have to buy it if you hate it so much."

Shane raised his eyebrows, "I'm just kiddin'. Damn. No one in this family can take a joke."

Carl glowered, "I already said I was sorry for this morning. I just got up early to take a walk."

Lori didn't speak. Shane shrugged his shoulders, "I warned you on the first day. You're either with us or you tell us where you're goin'."

"How was I supposed to wake you up at 6am? You would've been pissed anyway," Carl argued quietly.

"Excuse me?" Shane said in disbelief, "You expect me to believe you were just 'goin' for a walk'? At 6? Please. It's hard enough to get you up at noon."

Carl looked away.

"I know you're sneakin' around. Doing God knows what. That ends, Carl. I mean it," Shane warned.

"Yes, sir," Carl muttered.

 

It took everything Rick had not to butt into the conversation. Instead he walked by, resisting the urge to demand that Carl's dad apologize. Carl locked eyes with Rick, surprised to see him so suddenly. His cheeks flamed.

Rick kept walking, not wanting to draw Carl's parents' attention to their eye contact. Carl turned his head, sad to see Rick go. He was embarrassed that Rick had seen that. He knew that he'd already told Rick about his parents, and how they weren't the nicest...but he didn't think Rick would witness it. Carl knew he looked weak and pathetic putting up with his dad's comments. He had no choice though; Shane was his dad, and he had to respect him. No matter what.

 

Rick sighed when he noticed the Walsh family continuing to the buffet. He watched Carl trail after his parents. It was difficult to watch Carl interact with his mother and father. The boy seemed so withdrawn and small. There was a stark difference between Carl with his parents, and Carl away from his parents. Rick knew a lively and thoughtful boy, but the boy he was observing was quiet and skittish. Obviously, his face was still breathtakingly handsome, and his eyes were a rich and inviting blue, but his entire aura seemed dulled. Rick hated to seem him like that. He wondered if Carl was even aware of how subdued he was in the presence of his father. Rick shook his head. He couldn't watch anymore. It was impossible to think of Carl leaving the island with his parents. Rick ached to think of the poor boy at home, isolated and insulted. He had to convince Carl to stay. One day the fire in Carl's eyes and spirit might burn out, and Rick refused to let that happen. He needed to save Carl. Unfortunately, that was going to be hard to do if Carl was on lockdown for the rest of the vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	7. 1 week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick inspires Carl to be brave and to finally tell his parents who he really is. Rick doesn't want to see Carl get hurt, but he doesn't want to hurt Carl either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you're liking the story! :) How do you think it will end?

Rick couldn't stop thinking about Carl's expression the day before. He felt remorseful for the way he'd acted. Rick had blamed Carl for leaving in such haste, but the boy didn't deserve to be judged for that. Rick realized that Carl received enough judgment from his father, and enough passiveness from his mother for a life time. Rick wouldn't treat Carl the way everyone else did. How could he blame Carl for running out on him when he saw the kind of people the Walshes were? Carl would've been in serious trouble. Rick saw that now; he wasn't being rejected--Carl had no choice.

He'd barely slept all night, thinking about Carl and what he'd witnessed. Rick needed to see Carl again, and make sure the boy was all right. The thought of Carl coming out to his parents also preyed on Rick's mind. As much as he wanted Carl to be brave, and to be true to himself, Rick couldn't encourage that kind of honesty if it would end up with Carl getting hurt. Rick could tell that Carl's father wouldn't take it well. He wouldn't want to see Carl broken. He couldn't help but wonder if it might do Carl some good, though. If Carl came out to his parents, and it ended badly, wouldn't the boy be more inclined to stay? Rick wondered if he could knowingly trick Carl into doing that. He decided no. He wouldn't encourage him to come out, or warn against it. Carl would have to choose for himself.

 

Rick waited until the evening to go to Carl.

He knocked on the door softly. He waited. Rick hadn't seen Carl at the beach, or in the buffet building. The only other place for him to be at this time of night was in his room.

Rick smiled when he heard Carl's voice, "Coming."

Carl looked subdued when he answered the door, but when he saw it was Rick he perked up immediately.

"Hey," Carl greeted.

Rick nodded. He felt relieved to see Carl. For some reason whenever he was away from the boy too long he became nervous and uncomfortable. He had an image in his head of Carl leaving the island suddenly without saying goodbye, dragged off by his parents. Rick wouldn't be able to accept that. He had to at least say goodbye. He had no idea why that fear lay in his mind, but it felt toxic. He could already feel himself changing, as if the thought of losing Carl was physically altering him. Rick felt constantly on edge, waiting for his happiness to end. Being around Carl was the only time he didn't feel so restless.

"I wanted to talk to you about yesterday," Rick explained, slipping into the room when Carl moved out of the way as a gesture of invitation.

"Oh," Carl said. "What's wrong?"

"I saw you with your parents...and I didn't realize what it's like," Rick explained vaguely.

"What do you mean?" Carl asked innocently.

"Your father wasn't very nice to you," Rick clarified. "I didn't like the way he was talking."

Carl frowned, "It's not so bad. I don't mind them."

Rick nodded, letting it go, "All right. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Carl lightened up when he saw Rick wasn't going to push it, "Yeah. It's fine." He opened up a bit more, "They were mad in the morning. I was walking down the hall. Almost made it. But they were already up and waiting," Carl explained. "No big deal."

"They didn't...do anything to you?" Rick asked carefully.

"Of course not," Carl answered. "I don't know if I made it seem like they were bad...you act like they're evil or something, but it's fine. They're my parents. Just normal parents."

Rick nodded. He was unconvinced. "I believe you, Carl."

Carl smiled, "I still wanted to do what we talked about."

"Which thing?" Rick laughed.

"I want to tell them I'm gay."

Rick didn't say it, but he thought it was a terrible idea. He could just picture it. Carl getting ridiculed, or even beat. It was disgusting to think about.

"Especially after yesterday," Carl admitted. "Not being able to stay with you in the morning...having to lie about where I was and what I was doing. Obviously I would do that whether I was out or not, but...I don't know how to explain it. I just don't want to be that guy who isn't comfortable with who he is."

"There's a difference between being comfortable with who you are, and hiding who you are for self-preservation," Rick explained. "What do I know, though. I never did what you're thinking of doing."

Carl deliberated, "I don't even care if they're mad, or if they don't like it."

Rick raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, obviously I'll care," Carl rolled his eyes, "But having it off my chest will be worth it. I won't have to wonder 'what they'll do if they find out'. You know? Because I'll already know," Carl clarified.

Rick smiled, "I never thought of it like that, I guess."

Carl shrugged, "By the way. I'm kind of wondering."

"About?" Rick urged.

"What would've happened if I could've stayed longer yesterday."

Rick huffed, "Well you would've gotten pancakes for one thing, but then again. The kitchen serves those."

Carl grinned, "So you're saying I had nothing to gain by staying yesterday?"

"I didn't say that," the man held up his hand.

Carl grabbed it, holding it level to his face.

 

Rick watched Carl intently, waiting to see what he was going to do. Carl's hand was soft.

"Does this actually do anything?" Carl whispered, bringing Rick's finger to his lips. He sucked on it gently with his eyes closed.

Rick's body responded immediately. "Yes," he groaned quietly.

Carl smirked, sucking harder. He added another finger. He enjoyed seeing Rick's expression.

"Why?" Carl wondered, removing Rick's fingers from his mouth. "I saw it in movies before. Never really thought it was realistic."

Rick could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He wished Carl hadn't stopped.

"Maybe it's just me," Rick answered, voice raspy. His face and Carl's were almost touching. They were both unconsciously leaning forward.

Carl reached his hand out to touch Rick's jaw, it was so rough. Rick closed his eyes as Carl explored.

"Do you think I should tell them?" Carl whispered, bringing his left hand to join his right. He rested both of his hands on Rick's shoulders.

Rick deliberated, "Do whatever would make you feel the most proud. Or the safest. Or the happiest. Really think about what you want to get out of the whole thing. Do whatever will get you that. I'll be here whatever happens."

Carl nodded, squeezing Rick's shoulders in response. He let his hands fall to the man's biceps, and then he seamlessly moved them to Rick's chest. He grinned devilishly as he grazed Rick's nipples through his shirt. The man shuddered in response.

"Will you stay with me?" Carl asked.

Rick nodded instantly. Carl was stealing his lines again. Rick wanted to ask Carl to stay with him. Of course, Rick was thinking of something more long-term than the night. For now, Rick would take what he could get.

They didn't go any further than Carl's experimental touches. The both of them were just happy to be close.

 

Rick left in the middle of the night, kissing Carl's forehead before departing. He left a note on the memo pad beside Carl's bed.

_Good luck tomorrow._

_Love Rick~_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	8. Day 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl finally admits his secret to his parents. Carl counts on Rick for emotional support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never experienced this situation, so I hope I do it justice. I hope it doesn't upset anyone. You guys are all amazing. :)

Carl tried to will away the stinging in his eyes. He felt the piece of paper in his pocket, his hands shoved to the very depths of his pockets. He was standing in front of the mirror, starting at himself. He let a sob escape. He crumpled to the floor, leaning against the outer wall of the shower. He'd made a mistake.

He missed Rick enough that the longing in his heart was enough to distract him from the pain. Knowing that the man was there for him was the only thing keeping him going. He needed to get out. He needed to see Rick. There was nothing he could do though. His parents were in a terrible mood, and they wouldn’t let him leave the hotel room. He was lucky enough to be in his own room, and not confined to a room with  _them_ , or worse on the plane back home with them. Every half hour or so, one parent would come to check if he was still there. As if he was going to disobey them with how bitchy they were being. Shane wouldn’t even look Carl in the eye. He wished Rick would come see him again like he had before, but he had a feeling Rick would be waiting for him this time.

After over 2 hours of no check-ins, Carl finally made his move. It was almost midnight and his parents had said they were going to bed. Carl had waited to be sure. He had no idea if his parents would want to leave the island since he told them his secret...probably since they were so melodramatic about everything.

The conversation played in his mind nonstop. He'd chosen to go with lunch since breakfast was too early to deal with anything let alone this kind of thing.

He hadn't exactly planned it, but he had it in his mind. Carl was taking Rick's advice--he made sure he felt ready. He did. Rick's note made him feel giddy. Rick supported him and wished him well. Carl was happy.

"Why aren't you eating?" Lori had asked.

Carl had looked at her reflexively. Deer in headlights. He was completely on edge, considering backing out. He couldn't though.

"I'm kind of nervous," Carl started, watching his dad carefully. "I have something to tell you."

Shane looked up from his food angrily. Not an encouraging thing to see at all.

"Uhh," Carl fidgeted, grabbing his fork and clenching it under the table. "I..."

Carl expected Shane and Lori to ease his struggles by guessing things like "You got someone pregnant!" or "Drugs?" but they remained quiet. Tough crowd, Carl thought.

"I'm gay," he finally said, calmly. He fidgeted noticeably, shifting in his seat.

Carl didn't immediately feel proud or relieved. He wasn't expecting his parents to be proud either. After all, he had expected them to be displeased, but expecting it and actually witnessing it were two different things. The reflexive looks on his mother and father's faces would not soon leave his mind.

Shane looked at him confused, and then he looked to Lori. Lori kept opening and closing her mouth like a fish.

"Why?" Shane finally asked, his eyebrows furrowing sternly.

Carl frowned, "I'm not sure. It just...it's who I am." He couldn't exactly say that he regretted doing this altogether, but he certainly regretted doing it at that particular time.

Shane looked back at him blankly for a bit before responding, "You've always been weak. And now this? Nah." He got up and left the table, shaking his head.

Carl looked at his lap, biting his lip. He risked a glance at his mom, but it wasn't worth the trouble. She was staring at her salad like she wanted it to swallow her up, so she wouldn't have to deal with this.

"I'll talk to him," Lori finally said, leaving the table with a quick pat on Carl's shoulder.

"What?" Carl asked aloud. That's all she had to say? What was she going to talk to him about?

Oh no, Carl thought. This was bad. He put in his head in his hands. He'd just ruined everything.

\---

 

Rick was getting tired of waiting for Carl, but he stuck with it. It had already been a couple hours. He waited a few minutes down the path opening where he knew Carl would start. He imagined the boy looking at the large map by the cafeteria, tracing his way along the different routes, putting his finger on the legend that said “staff cabins”. Rick smiled at the thought of Carl stumbling along the path, fighting his way to come and find him. He had faith in the boy. If Carl was the boy that Rick thought he was, he would come.

Carl wasn’t sure if he was on the right path, and he didn’t know if “staff cabins” was where Rick’s home was. Rick seemed to be only staff around except for a few random people and the cooks. Maybe his cabin was in a special location. Carl could barely see and he was looking around wildly at every noise he heard. He really hoped there were no more guys left on the island that wanted to hurt him. He wasn’t sure if Rick would be around this time.

Carl felt like he had been walking 20 minutes. He still hadn’t seen anything that resembled a cabin. If he got lost in the dark, he would be terrified. When he saw a tall figure step out of the shadows he was momentarily stunned, but then he breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that it was Rick, and he was happy that his instinct had been correct. Rick did care for him. Enough to wait close to where the path began so he wouldn’t get too lost. Rick knew he would come. Carl couldn’t help but love the man. He seemed to know him so well after only a few hours of knowing him. It was remarkable.

 

 “Hey,” Rick breathed. He couldn’t tell what Carl’s mood was, but he felt instant relief when he saw the boy walking up the path. Rick wanted to keep him forever. He was so sweet and so lovely. Dependable, too.

The boy immediately wrapped his arms around the older man. He grabbed Rick tightly, needing to show him that he still wanted him. His dad didn’t love him at all, and his mom didn't love him enough--at least not enough to stand up for him. Carl needed someone to care for him, and it was obvious that the only person he had to do that was Rick. Someone who was practically a stranger knew him better than anyone and cared for him better than anybody.

Carl released Rick only to stand on his tippy toes and reach for a kiss.

Rick deepened the kiss immediately, not just the returned movements. of his own tongue and lips, but with his hands and body. He pushed Carl against the nearest tree, roughly. Rick let his hands travel beneath the boy’s shirt, and then down over the boy’s shorts. He wanted him more than he’d ever wanted anything. He could feel Carl getting hard in response to his touches.

“Let me take you home,” Rick whispered, removing his hand from Carl’s stomach and sliding it back to his ass.

Carl melted into Rick’s touch. He didn’t speak. He just nodded, putting his hand over top of Rick’s hand and removing it from his ass to hold it. He had a feeling they were going to have sex. Carl wasn’t sure if it would go that far, but he knew he wanted it to, and that was a big enough step as it was. He brushed the hair out of his eyes with his free hand and put his fingers to his lips. He could still feel the pressure of Rick’s mouth on his own. His skin was alive with desire…the hairs on his neck standing up. He felt heavy between his legs. Pressure. He needed to be touched so badly.

They walked back to Rick’s cabin quietly. Rick had his arm firmly wrapped around Carl’s waist, his fingers digging into the boy’s skin. Carl loved the man’s tight grip, especially after everything he’d heard Rick say earlier. The man cared about him so much, and Carl wanted to show that he returned the affection. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he had to leave the island, but he wanted to enjoy whatever time he could with Rick.

Rick was painfully hard by the time he got Carl into his bedroom. He felt the cool chill of his ceiling fan and shivered with goosebumps. He faced Carl, looking into his eyes. The room was dark, but a bedside lamp cast enough light that they could see each other as much as they needed to. Rick brushed Carl’s hair out of his eyes and dragged a thumb across his lips. So beautiful.

Carl had goosebumps from Rick’s touch and from anticipation of what was to come. Carl held his arms up so that Rick could remove his t-shirt. Next, Rick began to unbutton Carl’s shorts. Rick held Carl’s gaze the entire time he undressed him. Even when the man slid Carl’s underwear to the floor, Rick looked at the boy’s face. When Carl was finally naked, he moved forward against Rick’s chest. He wanted to be held. Rick’s hold was so warm and comfortable, especially with his strong arms wrapped around Carl’s body. They stood there silently, just enjoying the intimate connection. After so little time they were already bonded. Rick knew that he couldn’t let Carl leave. He loved him more than anything and anyone. He needed that boy. Rick felt a sudden urgency to escalate their situation under the reminder that Carl had to leave. The thought of Carl leaving didn’t exactly bring a tear to the man’s eye or make him feel reluctant. It infuriated him.

Rick didn’t really understand his feelings. He had been so calm and independent before meeting Carl. He thought that he had accepted Daryl’s death and the homophobia of the world, but after connecting with this wonderful boy, the anger from his youth had resurfaced. He found himself wanting to take Carl if he wouldn’t stay willingly. At first, Rick thought that he could let the boy go, but after experiencing the awful father, and the weak-willed mother, it was more than just wanting to stay with the boy. He needed to keep Carl safe and prevent the boy from having a fucked up life like he had. Rick wanted to make sure that Carl didn’t make the same mistakes as he had, or end up like Daryl. Rick couldn’t bear to watch the world destroy Carl. Things would be so much easier if Carl stayed. It would be perfect and simple. But what confused him was that he felt so angry about it; he felt willing to kill for Carl. The parents. Anybody that might stop him. It was so crucial to him that Carl stayed and that Carl belonged to him. He wanted to belong to Carl. He had to find a way.

Rick felt waves of heat rolling over his body as he tried to combat his anger and urgency. He was still horny, and he still craved Carl, but it had morphed into a darker and stronger craving. It wasn’t enough to just have the boy anymore, he needed him. Rick knew then that Carl was never leaving. Rick didn’t have a plan or a first-step, but he knew that the end goal needed to be achieved. No matter what. And if Carl’s parents had been nicer, maybe Rick would’ve considered a different way, but as it was, he knew that if he needed to he could kill Carl’s family. Especially that father. Rick nodded to himself with his eyes closed, still holding onto Carl firmly. Yes. He knew what needed to be done now.

“Rick?” Carl whispered.

“Hmm?” Rick answered.

“I love you,” the boy mumbled. “I want—”

Rick’s anger dissipated more thoroughly than when he’d tried to calm himself down. The words were so pure and honest, and exactly what he wanted. The words were almost like a secret code to his emotions. Carl didn’t know it, but he held the man’s heart in his hand.

Rick detached from the boy quickly, eager to get things rolling. Before Carl could even blink, Rick picked him up, waiting for him to wrap his legs around.

Carl obliged excitedly. Rick’s vibe was changing, and Carl knew he was about to be absolutely fucked.

Rick pressed Carl’s back to the wall, holding the boy up with his hips. He didn’t bother kissing Carl’s mouth at first, opting for the boy’s neck and shoulders. He liked knowing that Carl had to just take it, and he couldn’t release his own pent up energy by kissing back. Instead, Carl just lolled his head around, enjoying the roughness, and concentrating on the feeling of Rick’s hardness pressed against his own. He couldn’t help but keep pushing his hips forward. He wanted more. The sensations Carl felt were amplified since Rick was still fully clothed. Carl felt vulnerable since he was the only one naked, and it made it that much more exciting.

 

Rick finally let Carl down from the wall. He was getting breathless from the kissing, and his hips felt bruised from rubbing against Carl so strongly.

Carl grabbed Rick’s hand, confidently leading them toward Rick’s bed.

It had been a long time since Rick had had somebody in his bed. Rick was glad it had been this way. It was practically a clean slate for him and Carl. He briefly wondered if Carl would ask him if he had any diseases or health concerns. Maybe he should be the one to bring it up since he was the adult, and the one with an actual history, but he knew for a fact that he was clean. It was part of his contract to maintain his health—he had monthly checkups.

Rick shook his head. He was thinking too much. He wanted to concentrate on Carl. The boy was willingly in his bed, waiting for him to lead the way. Carl was offering his body and his love to Rick. Rick knew that he was being given a rare gift—he was going to tear it apart.

“You’re incredible,” Rick whispered to Carl. The boy was lying on the bed, barely distinguishable from the dark, but Rick could see everything he needed to. He was very aware that he was overdressed, but he wasn’t interested in rushing anything. He wanted to savour Carl.

“Touch yourself,” Rick suggested with an undertone of command. He stood at the foot of his bed, waiting for Carl to do what he was told.

Carl nodded shyly, settling back onto the pillows. He was nervous to be on display for Rick, but the man seemed pleased. He wanted to keep it that way. Carl was loving every second of this. He adored being wanted. There was no better feeling. And Rick was so fucking sexy, he could hardly even imagine having the man’s cock inside of him. How long could he possibly last? He had a feeling Rick would be a little rough, and that turned him on. He shivered in anticipation, but first, he had to follow Rick’s instructions.

“Okay,” Carl breathed, wrapping a hand around his dick. He wasn’t sure how to be attractive or enticing while masturbating, but he hoped Rick would like whatever he did. He stroked himself slowly, not wanting to come too quickly. When he was by himself he tried to see how long he could last before giving into his body’s natural reactions, but when he was with Rick, he constantly felt on the verge of orgasm. He’d been so hard for so long, and Rick watching him was immensely arousing, and the added heat of the room, and Rick’s kisses, and the feel of his hand finally touching what needed to be touched…Carl could hardly bear it. He wanted to come so badly.

“Rick,” Carl warned, slowing his hand. It was difficult to stop himself from finishing, but he wasn’t sure what Rick wanted him to do.

At first, Rick wasn’t sure why Carl had addressed him. Was it a moan of pleasure or a question to get his attention? When Carl stopped touching himself, Rick realized that Carl was close to coming, and he wanted more instructions. Rick smiled at the boy. So perfect. He didn’t even need to be asked to wait. He wanted Rick’s guidance and help. Rick reached down to his own hardness. He was at a loss. Should he tell Carl to finish himself off or should he make the boy wait? Rick also debated over finishing Carl off himself. Yeah. He liked the sound of that.

Rick advanced to the bed, grabbing Carl by the ankles and pulling him to the foot of the bed. The man put his knee on the bed, followed by the second until he was straddling Carl’s legs. He bent down a few inches until his mouth was only millimetres away from Carl’s dick. All Rick had to do was circle his tongue around the head a few times, and salty sweet fluid spread across his tongue. Rick wasn’t overly eager to swallow Carl’s come since it tasted so good. Usually he could take or leave the product of sucking a guy off, but not this time. Even though he and Carl had done this before, it felt so new since he knew that sex was coming afterward. This was the appetizer, and Carl tasted exactly like Rick thought he would. Perfect.

Carl sat up to look at Rick. Carl’s cock throbbed, and he knew he wasn’t even close to done. Rick’s mouth on his dick had felt like nothing he’d ever experienced. It felt better than any orgasm he’d ever had. Nothing compared to having Rick get him off with his hands, or even with his mouth the first time it happened.... He wished he could feel it every day for the rest of his life. He’d have to start lasting longer so that he could feel the sensation longer. Rick’s tongue and mouth. Even better than that was seeing how pleased Rick was afterward.

Carl could see that look in Rick’s eyes again as he looked at his face. The man was dangerous and loving. Mysterious, yet forthcoming, and so eager to please. Carl couldn’t believe his luck. Rick was so attractive and confident…he obviously had life experience, and probably tons of people swooning over him. But still, Rick had chosen him. Carl was grateful. Maybe even a little scared. What if he disappointed Rick or what if he got boring? Carl wasn’t sure if he’d be able to live with himself.

The boy was a little caught off guard by his sudden self-consciousness, but he wasn’t in the mood to overanalyze. He wanted Rick to fuck him. Carl pulled Rick on top of him, moaning at the feel of Rick’s body weight on top of him. Carl didn’t expect to be so turned on by just having the man on top of him, but for some reason it felt so secure and comfortable. If he wasn’t so aroused he could’ve fallen asleep. Rick was like a sexy blanket.

“Holy fuck,” Carl blurted, allowing his legs to spread and his hands to explore. He felt Rick’s muscular back and trailed his touch down to Rick’s ass, and then back up to the man’s curly hair. “I want you so bad,” Carl admitted.

“Good,” Rick commented, supporting himself on his hands and knees over top of Carl. “Because I need you.” He licked at Carl’s nipples, enjoying the jolt that went through Carl’s body. He was sensitive, Rick noticed happily.

Carl thought that Rick was going to suck his dick again, but Rick just kissed his chest and stomach, making his way down to the inner thighs. Eventually Rick was off the bed and kneeling on the floor. Carl inched forward until his ass was hanging off the bed. Rick put a hand on each back of Carl’s thighs, and he pushed up, causing the boy to have his legs bent in the air.

When Carl felt Rick’s tongue on his asshole, he wanted to squirm and writhe on the bed, but he just tensed his muscles and accepted the feeling. After a few seconds his ticklishness dissipated, and he felt deeply comfortable. His cock felt heavy and full, and his nipples hardened. He had to bit his lips to contain himself. It wasn’t the same feeling as when his dick was being sucked, but it was still amazing. It was just so different and unlike anything he’d ever felt before. It was a night of firsts.

“Are you okay?” Rick asked, removing his tongue from the boy’s skin.

“Mmmm,” Carl answered, opening his legs wider. He wanted Rick to keep going.

Rick chuckled to himself, glad that he was making his boy so happy.

Carl grunted when Rick inserted a finger into him. It was a tight fit, but it didn’t hurt like Carl thought it would. Rick took care to loosen up Carl thoroughly. He didn’t want to cause the boy any pain.

“Good?” Rick asked.

“You can do anything you want to me,” Carl said. He meant it. Rick made him feel so incredible and so safe. He was willing to let go completely with this man.

Rick’s mouth twitched ferally at the thought of that. He couldn’t believe Carl trusted him so definitely. It was a compete honour. Rick had no idea what to do with the bold statement, so he just kept going with what he was doing. He had thought that he’d go for the traditional three finger prep, but he was starting to get desperate, and if Carl kept talking like that, Rick didn’t even know if he’d make it to two fingers.

Rick finished stretching Carl’s hole with one finger, and then he decided it was time for lube. He hated to stop even for a few seconds to fetch the bottle, but it was necessary. Carl whined in the mean time.

The man rubbed the gel on his fingers first so it wouldn’t be so cold on Carl’s skin. His two fingers went into the boy easily with the help of the lube. Rick could feel his zipper starting to strain with his erection, but he held out. He could wait until the good part to let go. Rick had to close his eyes and concentrate on anything but what was happening immediately in front of him when Carl started moaning. It was so intoxicating and desperate. Rick couldn’t imagine those sounds coming from Carl’s mouth since he was so sweet and soft-spoken, but it was real. Rick didn’t want to portray Carl in such a vulgar light, but if he had to describe it he would say it sounded like Carl wanted to get fucked. As if the boy was starving for Rick’s cock.

The man could barely contain himself when he was lining up his dick with Carl’s ass. He had hastily ripped off his shirt and pulled down his shorts and boxers all at once. He wanted to get this show on the road.

“Ready?” Rick asked. He rubbed lube up and down his shaft, making it extra smooth for Carl, especially since he knew it was the boy’s first time.

Carl panicked briefly, wondering if it was going to hurt, but then he looked at Rick’s calm face and felt the man’s gentle touch on his thighs. He was glad they weren’t starting with doggy style. He wanted to see exactly what was going on. “D-do you love me?” Carl asked. He felt so stupid after the words were out, but he couldn’t take them back. He just really wanted to hear Rick say it. He didn’t think he could do it if Rick didn’t really love him. It wouldn’t be right.

Rick continued rubbing comforting circles into Carl’s inner thigh, and he used his free hand to touch the boy’s cheek, “Carl, it only took 30 seconds for me to realize I could never let you go. I love you.  Yes.” Rick leaned forward so that his body was parallel to Carl’s. he supported himself on his hands and knees once more. He lowered his head so that he could kiss Carl’s lips. He trailed a string of kisses along the boy’s jaw, nipping right below the boy’s ear, and finally continuing to the boy’s neck. “I love you, okay?” He whispered.

Carl closed his eyes in acceptance, “Do it.”

Rick happily obliged, shifting his weight so that he could support himself on his left arm. He moved his right hand to his cock, lining it up with Carl’s entrance for a second time. He pushed forward in one motion, groaning at the sensation. “Fuck yes,” he bit out.

“Oh my god,” Carl cried. He felt so full and tight. It was incredible.

Rick withdrew slowly, letting Carl’s ass accommodate his size. He moved forward just as slowly, and then it was game on.

“Let me know if it’s too fast,” Rick warned. He wasn’t interested in slow. They’d been taking it slow all night. He wanted Carl to be so fucked out he could barely remember his name.

He thrust quickly, bottoming out completely. Carl was bouncing like a rag doll, taking everything that Rick was giving to him. Halfway through he brought his hands up to grip Rick’s back, and he tightened his legs around the man. Rick liked the feeling of Carl clasping at his body. The boy wanted to be closer.

“Carl,” Rick breathed, picking up his speed. “What do you want?”

“Harder,” Carl ground out. He loved the pace. Rick’s cock was dragging against his prostate with every stroke, and every movement felt better than the last. He didn’t know if he could come this way, but he’d seen it in a few pornos that he’d found on the internet. Carl didn’t though; he knew Rick would take care of him either way. He could wait until Rick came, though. Carl wanted to hear the man moan. Nothing would make Carl happier than to see Rick’s pleasure.

Rick accepted Carl’s challenge, and he moved in and out of the boy at an even more grueling pace. He was thankful that he was so physically fit, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to keep it up for more than a minute. As it was, he felt like he could hold out for at least five. He was surprised he hadn’t come though—he’d had an erection for almost an hour now and he was actually fucking Carl. It was a dream. Getting to have sex with a piece like Carl was a once in a life time opportunity, on a bad day he would’ve busted in less than 10 minutes. It had been almost 20. Thank God, Rick thought. He didn’t want it to end.

The man slowed his pace before he even knew what he wanted to do next, and then he decided.

“Carl, get on top,” Rick said, pulling out of the boy and rolling over onto his back.

Carl took a few seconds, and then he was lowering his ass onto Rick. It was an easier angle to work with and it allowed Rick to get as deep as he wanted.

Carl moved up and down slowly, relishing the burn in his thighs. The movements were a little awkward at first since he hadn't done this before, but Rick guided him with his hands.

Rick had overestimated his ability to last…seeing Carl ride him was enough to drive him to the edge. He reached out for Carl’s dick, playing with it while he watched the show.

“Squeeze your muscles,” Rick suggested, quickening his strokes. He wanted to come at the same time as Carl.

Carl followed Rick’s advice, tightening his muscles as he moved up and down on the man. It must’ve felt better for Rick because the man clenched his eyes shut. Carl had to admit that it felt better for him too. It was still so tight, but squeezing his muscles made it sensational.

“Ahhh,” Carl cried, when Rick finally got him to the sweet spot. He was a second away from coming when Rick thrust upward, hard. “Fuuuuckk,” Carl moaned, his orgasm going from pending to “holy shit it’s fucking happening”.

“Yes,” Rick hissed, coming in Carl’s ass with one last motion. That was hands down the best orgasm he’d ever had. It had been perfect.

Carl had a hard time getting off Rick, so the man helped him. His ass felt empty and wet. It was an odd sensation, but it was shadowed by the lingering tingling in his groin. That had been amazing.

Rick reluctantly got him so that he could get a cloth for Carl. He knew the boy must be uncomfortable, especially since the sensation was so new for him. He cleaned Carl gently, using the cloth to wipe off the excess from his own skin. He threw the cloth to the ground.

Neither of them said a word before they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come check out my tumblr guys!!!
> 
> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	9. Day 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl gets another chance to speak with his parents. Things become clear to Rick. He makes his move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh. This chapter is emotional! We're getting to the meat of the story now.

When Lori went into Carl’s room and he was gone, she didn’t know what to think. Her first instinct was that Carl had gone to the buffet or something, or maybe out with those friends that he had mentioned a couple of days before. Lori tried not to worry, but she couldn’t help but be concerned. This was a strange place, and she didn’t know anybody there besides her family. Then again, this wasn't the first time that Carl hadn't been in his bed on this vacation. Why would Carl run off like this when they'd told him not to? She regretted not being more supportive the day before. Lori didn't want Carl to think she hated him. She had to put things right, even if Shane wouldn't.

\---

 

When Carl awoke, he had no idea where he was. He panicked for a moment before taking in his surroundings. When he saw Rick’s figure beside him, he immediately relaxed. Rick was lying back on his side of the bed with his arms behind his head. He seemed happy.

Carl smiled, moving closer to the man. He wasn’t sure if that was allowed or if Rick wanted him to do that. Even though they’d had sex, it was still a little awkward to snuggle which was kind of weird, but Carl didn’t know the proper procedure of waking up next someone else since it had never happened to him before.

When Rick saw that Carl was awake, he turned onto his side to face the boy, and the boy moved closer. He had been awake most of the night, his mind racing. He needed to find a way to keep Carl on the island without his parents, but he knew that Shane and Lori would never leave without their son. He considered trying to fake the boy’s death, but that was a little dramatic. He considered just killing Shane and Lori, and making it look like an accident. But that would make Carl sad, and he would want to go back to his hometown—he’d probably have to live with relatives or something, and Rick couldn’t take them all out. He wished that Carl would just want to stay permanently, but that was a bit drastic of a conclusion for the boy to reach on his own. He did need to finish high school. Rick wondered if he should let the boy go. He thought of that quote about letting the things you loved go to see if they returned to you. Could he wait 3 years for Carl to graduate and come back to the island? No, Rick decided. Never.

Rick spoke first, "Did you tell them, Carl?"

Carl bit his lip. He nodded.

Rick put his lips together tightly, not smiling or frowning. "I'm sorry, Carl." He knew by the way Carl had come to him desperately in the night that it hadn't gone well. Rick wished he would've asked Carl before he'd had sex with him. If Carl had just been acting impulsively out of hurt and anger, Rick had taken advantage of him.

"Do you regret what happened?" Rick asked. "I didn't realize you weren't in the best of places when you came to me. I mean, I thought maybe, but I hoped not."

Carl shook his head. "You were the only good thing about yesterday. I don't even want to think about what happened. What they said to me," Carl explained.

Rick nodded in understanding. He lay silently.

“What are you thinking about?” Carl asked.

Rick considered lying, but he didn’t want to lie to Carl. He realized that wasn’t good. He wouldn’t be able to lie to Carl about his parents if it came down to it. Rick didn’t know if he was prepared to look like a bad guy to Carl. A killer? A kidnapper? Rick didn’t see it that way, but what if Carl did? He would have to accept it though. At least he’d accept Carl for who he was. Unlike his parents. He was doing Carl a favour, and he’d have to make the boy see it that way.

“How to make you stay,” Rick admitted.

Carl frowned. “I want to stay so bad. It’s gonna be so hard to leave.”

“Don’t leave,” Rick pleaded. “Stay here. You can live with me for free. I can get internet, and you can do homeschooling. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you here.”

Carl looked away. It sounded so nice. He could get his high school dipoloma, and then just live with Rick and do things on the island. His whole life would be set.

“What if I go back with my parents? And then come back when I’m done school?” Carl compromised.

Rick frowned. “Why would you want to go back with them? They’re terrible.”

“They’re not so bad,” Carl said in a small voice. “I know my dad can be kind of harsh, but I know he’s still a good man.”

“No, Carl,” Rick argued. “He’s not. You need to get away from them before it’s too late.”

Carl frowned, “You only met them once. I can’t just stay here and expect them to let me. They’ll force me to come back, and I have to do what they say. I’m only 15.”

Carl was starting to get annoyed. He wanted to stay with Rick, of course, but why was the man being so pushy about it. He wondered if what the man was saying was true. Were his parents bad? He hadn’t really had any major issues with them, but when he saw the look on his dad’s face the day before when he thought that he might be gay… Carl never wanted to see that look again. But maybe his dad was just in shock. Maybe his parents just needed time to adjust.

“You admitted you were gay, Carl. I don't know what happened yesterday, but Carl...What do you think he’ll say? Do you think your mother will go against him? He seems more like the men who tried to rape you than a father that is trying to protect you. He'll only get worse.”

“I…maybe I should go,” Carl mumbled. He didn’t really want to make Rick mad. He could see that the man was just trying to help him. And Carl tried to remember that all of this was coming from Rick’s past. Obviously Daryl’s death still stuck with him, but Carl knew that wasn’t going to happen to him. He wasn’t Daryl.

“I won’t always be there to protect you,” Rick shrugged, sitting up on the bed. “If you go.”

“I can come back, though,” Carl tried. “I promise I’ll come back. I know my parents will come around. I have to try. I know they'll accept me. If I give them time.”

"You shouldn't need to give them time. You shouldn't have to give them a chance to accept you. They should do it anyways."

"I'm sorry," Carl whispered.

“It’s okay,” Rick shook his head. “We’ll just…we’ll just enjoy the time we have, and you can go. With them. I’m sure you’ll be safe.” Rick wouldn’t look Carl in the eye. It was the only way he could hide his true intentions. There was no fucking way that Carl was leaving the island. Not even for a day. He was pleased that the boy promised to come back, but he knew how those things went. First it would be “when I finish high school”. Then Carl would decide he wanted to go to college. Maybe he’d find a nice boyfriend. Or maybe he’d find a nice girlfriend to please his parents. Then he would figure that there was no point in returning to the island. Rick knew he would be forgotten.

Carl felt guilty. He realized that Rick probably felt lonely, and he knew how it would feel it their roles were reversed. What if Rick was the one that had to leave him? Carl knew he would be broken-hearted. But what could he do? He was 15 years old, and he lived at home with his parents. He couldn’t just give it all up to stay with Rick. It was so tempting. He promised that he would come back, so why couldn’t Rick just accept it?

Carl thought more, while he looked at Rick. He looked so disappointed. Rick’s words were starting to get to Carl. What if the man was right, and his parents wouldn’t accept him? How would he get the money to come back to the island? He’d figure it out. He had to give his parents a chance. They were his parents, and he loved them.

“Maybe I should go find my parents,” Carl suggested. “Then I can come back later?”

Rick nodded, “You can come back any time you want, Carl. You’ll always be welcome in my home.” He truly meant it. He more than meant it. It was a definite statement that would control his actions for the next days. Carl was welcome, and he would stay. Rick knew he wasn’t going to be able to convince the boy to stay on his own, unfortunately. Rick credited the boy’s caring and loyal nature for him wanting to return to his parents. It still stung though, that Carl was more loyal to his parents than someone who obviously loved him much more.

“Okay,” Carl accepted. He was glad Rick wasn’t too upset. He felt terrible for hurting the man’s feelings and rejecting his offers to stay, but he just couldn’t. Carl wondered how he could get away with it. His parents would never allow it, unfortunately.

Carl got up carefully, trying to spot his clothes on the floor before he completely revealed his nudity.

Rick looked away to give Carl some privacy.

Carl noticed that Rick averted his eyes. Carl was grateful; Rick was always so polite and caring. That’s why Carl wasn’t angry that Rick was pushing the issue of his parents—he cared a lot. How could Carl be angry about that? He would defend his parents, but he couldn’t lie…he saw why Rick didn’t like them. Carl sighed, “Bye, Rick. Thank you…for everything.”

Rick smiled despite what he was hoping to do as soon as Carl left. “Of course.”

Carl dressed quickly, stealing glances at the man as he sat patiently on the bed. Rick didn’t seem to care about his nudity. Carl was glad. He enjoyed seeing Rick in this state.

“Do you need help getting back on the path?” Rick wondered. He was helping whether Carl said yes or no.

“Yes,” Carl admitted, ducking his head. “Maybe one day I’ll know it like the back of my hand.”

Rick grinned, “I’m positive you will.”

They walked together silently until they were a couple of minutes away from the path’s opening to the main walkway.

“I’ll let you go here,” Rick said, “Just in case your parents are around, lookin’. Wouldn’t want to run into your dad while we were together.”

Carl giggled, “No. That would be scary.”

Rick sighed. Carl was right. The boy couldn’t see it, but his father was a scary man.

“I’ll see you soon,” Rick said quietly. He’d be ready for the next time. He’d have a way to make sure that Carl never had to walk away from him again.

Carl smiled, “Yeah.” He waved a small wave and walked away with his hands in his pockets.

Rick smirked when he noticed Carl’s altered gait. The boy had obviously been affected by their interaction the night before.

As soon as Carl was out of sight, Rick regretted letting him go. If he could do things differently, he would’ve kept the boy in bed all day. He didn’t really approve of the idea of drugging Carl, but he knew a few sleeping pills couldn’t hurt. Rick would’ve gone to the hotel office by himself and done reception. Shane and Lori would’ve come to the office in a panic, but Rick “wouldn’t know what to tell them”. Eventually word would get out around the island, maybe the groundskeepers would find out, or maybe the cooks, or the receptionists, a few of the island regulars, and a handful of random tourists, but how could they prove it was Rick? There wasn’t always security on the island, or policemen, so who exactly had the authority to come and search his cabin? Who would lead the investigation? The whimsical elderly couple that stayed in hut 2b? Everybody who would even care had known Rick for years—he was a nice guy. Why would he ever kidnap anybody? The only place there were cameras was the hotel, and Rick had already erased the footage of him sneaking into Carl’s room. Other than, he was completely clean. He could do whatever he wanted at that resort. He had the key to the kingdom.

Rick nodded to himself, assuring himself that Carl would return soon. He went back to his cabin. He had work to do.

 

 ------ 

 

“Where in the hell have you been?” Shane demanded when Carl walked off the path to Rick’s place and onto the main path.

Carl was completely caught off guard. He and Rick had been only a few feet from being discovered. Carl barely managed a response, “Uhh.”

“Did you find a nice little boyfriend in the woods? Those friends you made in the huts?"

“I—”

“What?” Shane asked. "Don't like talking about what you are?"

“What are you talking about, Dad?” Carl asked, confused. “Why are you talking to me like that?” His dad had been rude to him in the past, but this seemed vicious.

Shane took a breath, “How dare you do this to us."

“Oh?” Carl asked sarcastically. “I'm not doing anything to you."

"This is the worst thing you could do, Carl," Shane admitted. "I don't see a way around it."

Carl lost his edge. He barely had it in him to reply to his father. What was he supposed to say to the man? Maybe if he just stayed quiet and didn't argue his dad would calm down.

“I know you’re not gay. You can’t be. No son of mine--”

Carl frowned, “What does it matter to you if I'm gay or not? I'm still a person. I'm still your son."

Shane shook his head.

“Why does it bother you?” Carl wondered. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Shane glared. “I just don’t agree with it.”

“That’s fine,” Carl said. “It doesn’t mean you have to do anything. What does it matter if other people are gay?”

“It's ain't right."

"It's not wrong," Carl argued. "I'm not hurting anybody." He tried to stay calm and polite, but anger kept bubbling up to the surface. Maybe arguing was the only way to get through to his dad. He had to get through to him. Carl couldn't stand the thought of his parents hating him. He needed to show them that this was okay.

Carl continued, "Usually when people hate someone it's because they see themselves in that person.”

The man crossed his arms, "Oh?"

Carl shrugged, “You go around calling people fag. You make jokes. I didn't know that you actually hated it this much. You hate it enough to hate me. Is it really yourself that you hate?

Shane was furious. “How are you talk to me like that, boy.”

Carl shook his head, “I am gay, Dad. You hate me, but that’s okay. At least you know now.” Carl felt exhilarated. This was the reaction he'd hoped to have earlier. The pride and the relief. He felt it at last. He couldn’t believe he’d finally done it. He always pictured being sad or embarrassed after admitting his sexuality to his closed-minded father, but it hadn’t gone like that at all. Not this time. He wasn’t ashamed anymore. He could see that there was no reason to be. Carl was finally standing up to Shane. Rick had given him the courage to do it.

Shane took a step back. He loved Carl. He didn’t love this aspect of him though. He felt…he felt regret and fear. Shane ran his hand across his hair, “I…you can’t be.”

Carl shrugged. “Yes I can.”

“I’m sorry, Carl,” Shane said reservedly. He turned around and walked away.

Carl felt like crying, but he didn’t. He truly felt like his father would come around. He just needed time.

Carl almost turned around and walked back down the path toward Rick, but he didn’t. He wanted to find his mom. She should know too. Know that he wasn't weak. He had been nervous when he had told them the truth, but now he had something else to say, and he wasn't nervous this time.

 

She wasn’t in the hotel room or in the cafeteria, so Carl tried the beach. By the time he saw her, it had already been an hour since he he'd exchanged words with his dad. It felt like years.

“Carl? Oh my God,” Lori called when she finally spotted her son walking toward her.

“What are you doing on the beach?” Carl wondered.

“Your father came to the room. I was waiting there in case you came back, and he went out looking.”

“He found me,” Carl said with his hands in his pockets. He looked down at the sand.

“Yeah,” Lori nodded. “He told me.”

“Everything?”

Lori tilted her head, “He wasn’t happy.”

Carl nodded. Duh

“He hates me now,” Carl sighed. “Do you?”

“Neither of us hate you, Carl,” Lori began, “It is unexpected, to be honest. I’m glad you got it off your chest."

“You and Dad…I know you don’t like gay people.”

“That’s not true,” Lori said.

Carl could detect the uncertainty in her voice. “You joke with him. You joke with your friends. You criticize the movies that show it. I’ve been paying attention.”

Lori sighed. “I wish I could take that back. If I had known you were—”

“It’s not just about me,” Carl explained. “You can’t just pick and choose which gay people you tolerate.”

Lori frowned, “Well we’ll have to learn all about the proper etiquette when it comes to this situation, then. You’ll have to show us what we’re doing wrong so we can fix it.”

Carl raised his eyebrows, “I guess I could do that. What about Dad though?”

“He’ll come around,” Lori promised. “I know him. He’s tough on the outside, but inside he’s soft. He’ll be hard to deal with,” Lori admitted, “I won’t lie. But he’s more open-minded than he lets on.”

“I don’t know,” Carl said skeptically. “He’s pretty mad.” As much as he wanted to believe his dad would come around, it was still difficult. It would take a lot for his dad to get over this, but he still had to try.

Lori nodded. “It will be okay, Carl. I promise.”

“Well,” Lori added. “I’m sorry. I haven’t exactly been supportive or spearheading the gay pride committee, but I want you to know that I’m going to work on it. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there 100% or if I’ll be the perfect mother of a gay son, but I’m going to try and do my best, Carl. I still love you.”

Carl sighed. It was better than nothing. “I’m gonna go away from you guys for a while...You and him can talk…or whatever.”

Lori put her hand on Carl’s shoulder. She thought she’d been pretty supportive, but Carl’s face told her otherwise. She would try to do better. She’d get it right eventually. Lori sighed as she watched her son walk away. She walked the opposite way to find Shane. He needed to lose the attitude. She vowed to convince him.

 

Carl wanted to go see Rick, but it had barely been two hours since he’d left the man, and he was probably busy doing maintenance or something. He had nowhere to go, so he just went back to his room. The more and more he thought about it. Rick was right. His parents weren’t nice at all. He could see that his mom had tried, but it wasn’t enough. Her best was never enough. He knew that she’d always take his dad’s side. He wanted to stay with Rick so badly. It seemed as if he was the only one who understood Carl, and who actually cared. Carl thought about it; he had no friends at school, his parents were distant, and that would definitely get worst after what he’d just told them… he was okay at school, but nothing special. He didn’t play any team sports or take part in any clubs. Carl felt his eyes burn as he inventoried his life. Rick was the only good thing he had going for him, and he would ruin that too. He knew he couldn’t stay on the island, no matter how much it hurt, and no matter how much he knew it would hurt Rick. Carl would get through high school—maybe try to win his parents’ affection—and then he’d go back. Even if Rick didn’t want him after all that time, he’d still go back.

 

\------

 

Rick was satisfied with his work. He looked around the cellar. It had only taken him a couple hours to clear out and fix up. He’d put a battery powered lamp in the corner, next to a thick layer of blankets, cushions, and pillows. He included a couple of books, and a notebook with a pen. Rick had also put a few changes of clothes at the foot of the bed. It looked cozy, especially with the added touch of nailing a sheet to each wall so the concrete wasn’t exposed. At the last second, he also added a fan. He felt a little crazy thinking about Carl actually living there. He briefly wondered if he was taking it too far, but eventually he decided it was necessary. If Carl wouldn’t stay on his own, then he’d need to be persuaded until he changed his mind. Lori and Shane we no good. “Are you any better?” He asked himself. He wasn’t sure, but at least Carl would be accepted by him.

Rick frowned when he went over the locks he had just installed. He was lucky that all of this hardware was available to him since he had access to the hotel’s stock—that was where the bedding had come from. He felt incredibly nervous that the locks were too much, but he didn’t want Carl running back to his parents out of fear. He would keep Carl until he trusted that the boy saw things logically. He simply could not leave the island. Rick sighed. Carl would hate him. Rick put his hand over his eyes and brought his fingers inward to pinch the bridge of his nose. Oh well. Having Carl hate him and actually be there was better than Carl loving him and still deciding to leave. Everybody he loved always seemed to leave—intentionally or unintentionally.

He went back to the hotel. He needed to see Carl. Make sure he was all right. He'd been through so much in the past few days, and if Rick went through with it, he was about to have a couple more rough days. It would all be for the best, though. Rick believed that. Carl would see it too, eventually.

Rick was walking down the hall toward Carl's room when he saw Shane and Lori heading toward him. He kept his cool, and walked right past them. It was all he could do just to not lose his shit at them. Pathetic assholes. It was even more difficult to restrain himself when he heard their conversation.

"We're leaving. Next plane out," Shane insisted as Lori dug through her bag to get the keycard for the door. "I ain't stayin' on vacation with him. Not after this. He doesn't deserve it. Pulling a stunt like this one week into our trip."

"Shane," Lori said.

"No," Shane retorted. "I don't care. You should've heard the things he was sayin' to me. Like I'm secretly a fag too."

Lori frowned at Shane, but she didn't say anything.

Rick balled his fist.

"I'm done with him," Shane said, his voice breaking. "I can't deal with him. I'm glad he went off to wherever the fuck he goes."

Lori finally found her key, and they went inside.

 

 

Rick knew he had to get back to his cabin immediately. He was in a panic, practically sprinting to get back. He knew Carl would try to find his way there, and he didn't want the boy to see his cellar until it was ready. Rick couldn't believe how lucky he was. Shane had said it himself. Carl went off, and they had no idea where. If Rick could intercept Carl before he even got back to the hotel, he could save him, and take the apparent burden off the Walsh's shoulders. Nobody would even know that he'd had anything to do with Carl. It was perfect.

Rick froze in his tracks when he spotted Carl sitting on his front steps with his head in his hands. He hadn't gone inside. He was surprised that Carl hadn't even looked up, or asked why he was running.

"You found it," Rick tried. He felt like there was a big red arrow pointing at him, as if Carl would somehow know something was up. He had to play it cool, or he could lose Carl, and getting him back would be messy. He bet that Carl didn't know things were getting dire. Carl's dad wanted them to leave the next day, and unfortunately, there was a plane leaving then. If Carl was on it, Rick didn't know if he'd ever be the same.

Carl looked up, his eyes red. "Hey," he sniffled.

"What's wrong?" Rick asked immediately. He partially knew, but he needed to ask Carl for himself.

"I talked to my parents," Carl admitted after a moment, wiping his eyes. "It was worse than yesterday."

Rick frowned, "Forget them, Carl."

"I can't," Carl cried. "I keep thinking about it in my head. Just stay with you, or even go back with them, but find somewhere else to live... but I can't bring myself to cut the ties."

"Why?" Rick asked, sitting next to Carl on the step. "What is making you even consider dealing with them?"

Carl shook his head, "They're my parents. I keep thinking maybe they'll come around. My mom was nice about it...sort of."

Rick couldn't hide his annoyance any more. He glared at Carl, fighting against the words that were threatening to spill out of his mouth.

"What?" Carl wondered. Why was Rick so angry?"

"You have a way out. You can stay with me, and still. It's not good enough," Rick said. "You want to go back with them? So your dad can call you weak? So you can be a disappointment. So you can watch your mom stand by without saying anything to back you up?" Rick stood up to face Carl. "You don't have to go back with them."

Carl frowned. Why was Rick being so harsh and judgmental? "You never even told your parents," Carl accused.

"I know," Rick retorted. "I never had the guts. You do, Carl. Don't ruin it by giving them another chance. They'll just let you down. Learn from my mistakes."

Carl could see what the man was saying, but it still pissed him off. Why did Rick act like he knew everything? "You just hide on the island," Carl said acidly, "You're still a coward. I will go back, and I'll show you that there's nothing to be scared of. My parents will come around."

Rick raised his eyebrows. He wouldn't have guessed that Carl could be so rude. His sweet face hid his temper pretty well. "If they don't come around, what will you do?" Rick asked quietly.

The boy averted his eyes from Rick. He shouldn't have said that. Rick was just trying to help. "I'm sorry," Carl apologized. "I just want to try. I know it won't be easy, but I need to make them see," Carl explained. "If you still want me...after. I'll come back. I promise. I know you're not hiding, Rick. I didn't mean to say that," Carl went on. "I just...I don't want to hurt your feelings and leave, but I have to. They're my parents. I have to finish high school. I have to at least give it a shot."

Rick glared at the ground. "It's okay," he said hollowly. He couldn't get Carl to stay. He wasn't enough, obviously. Carl's promises about returning were empty. If his parents accepted him, he'd never leave. If they didn't accept him, he'd probably just fight the losing battle and stay...unless he was kicked out. How would he even get in touch with Rick to come back?

Carl's eyes watered. "I don't really want to go."

"No, I can see that you do," Rick argued. "You just won't admit it to yourself. Staying would be easy. It would be right. You told me nobody accepts you like I do. Nobody understands you like I do," Rick began, "I guess that means I'm the one who gets left behind. You're counting on the fact that I'll 'understand' why you have to do this. I don't."

Carl stood up. "I love you. I really do," Carl said sadly. "Just let me go. Accept it. I promise I'll come back."

Rick almost let the boy walk away. He couldn't force Carl to do anything. The boy still loved him, and Rick didn't want to jeopardize that, but then again, how much could Carl really love him if he wanted to leave?

"No," Rick frowned, looking at Carl dead in the eyes.

"What?" Carl asked, stepping toward Rick. He was confused.

Rick had to admit that he enjoyed Carl's face as he tried to work through what was going on. First Carl looked around, confused. Then he looked at Rick carefully, assessing. Then he finally repeated himself, "What do you mean, 'no'?" Carl questioned uncertainly.

"You won't come back. And I won't let you go," Rick said simply. "I care too much about you to lose you like that. Especially to your parents. I won't put you in harm's way like that."

Carl took a step back, looking beyond Rick. He was looking for an escape route. Rick's dangerous expression was back. Carl knew that he'd been right to consider Rick dangerous. He can't believe he didn't see this coming.

"You can't keep me here," Carl argued.

 "It's for the best," Rick stated. "I won't let you be around people who don't...who don't deserve you. They won't treat you right."

Carl started to walk forward, circling around the open space so that he could get on the path. He needed to get away. Unfortunately he walked a little too closely to Rick, gambling that the man wouldn't make a move.

Rick struck. He had a firm grip on Carl's upper arm, and even though the boy tried to rip himself out of the man's reach, it was no use.

Eventually Rick was able to get his arms wrapped around Carl's midsection, the boy twisting around so that Rick was directly behind him. Carl kicked wildly in front of them, trying to drag his feet, and then catch them on the doorframe so that they would be propelled backward. Rick almost lost his grip when he had to open the door, but he fought tooth and nail, hands twisting into the fabric of Carl's clothing, muscles straining to fight the boy. He couldn't believe that it had come to this. They finally got inside, and Carl fought even harder.

"Just let me go!" Carl yelled. "I would've come back. You ruined everything. You just lost me!"

"It's better than giving you over to them," Rick growled breathlessly. In a moment of impulse he pushed Carl forward.

"Whoa," Carl cried, falling backwards. He glared at Rick from his place on the ground. "Where are you gonna keep me? The shed?"

Rick immediately went to help Carl up, "I'm sorry, Carl. I didn't mean to--. Oh God," Rick cried. "What am I doing?"

Carl took this opportunity to persuade Rick. "You don't have to do anything, Rick. It's not too late. Just. Just let me go. I will come back. You can fix this."

Rick looked at Carl earnestly, trusting him for a moment, but he had come to know the boy's telling facial expressions. Carl was bargaining. Sweet-talking. Carl always said what he meant, and he had meant it when he said "you just lost me". Rick knew he couldn't take this back. He closed off his expression. "No."

Carl frowned, surprised that Rick hadn't given in.

Rick picked Carl up off the ground roughly.

"I made a room for you," Rick explained gently, guiding Carl down the stairs. "It's got a bed. A few other necessities...Oh no," Rick laughed.

"What?" Carl asked. Odd. He found himself smiling at Rick's expression. What the fuck was wrong with him? He was being...kidnapped! Why was he smiling. Weird. It felt like some fun game. Rick wasn't really scary. He just...he wasn't going about things the right way. Even when he was dangerous, he was caring. What was Carl supposed to think?

"I forgot that the room doesn't have a toilet," Rick explained. To himself, he muttered, "Can't have him come out...might try to escape."

"Seriously?" Carl asked, still struggling against Rick's grip. He'd momentarily forgotten that he was supposed to be fighting. "What am I gonna do? Use a bucket?"

"That wouldn't be right," Rick sighed, "But it will have to do. I can install a toilet in the next few days."

Carl's stomach dropped. This was very real. He clutched his stomach as the realization came in. Rick was serious. "Oh my God," Carl whispered. He struggled again, but it was too late. Rick had led him right to his prison cell without him even noticing. A room in the basement, apparently. Carl fell into the space with a light push from Rick, and then the door was closed.

Carl look around wildly. There were 4 walls around him, all covered in fabric. A bed. Books. Lamp. Fan. Bottles of water. Energy bars. Clothes. He picked up the clothes and whipped them at the wall. They were _his._ He picked up all of the components of the bed--it seemed carefully constructed. He threw that too. He kicked at the door. "Let me the fuck out!" He cried. The room was on the small side, so all of the mess he'd made just pooled at his feet. Carl wept. He screamed. He tried to reason politely with Rick. He knew that the man was on the other side of the door.

"I'm sorry," Rick said quietly. He was having serious doubts about this whole thing. Carl was really upset. That wasn't how he pictured this going. "What did you expect?" He whispered to himself. It was the price he was going to be to keep Carl away from his parents. He loved the boy more than they could. Right?

Carl sighed. He looked at the little alarm clock that Rick had put on the floor next to the fan. It told him that he'd only been in there for half an hour. It had already felt like an entire day. Rick was sorry, he thought. He was going to be sorrier.

Rick examined Carl's room from outside. It had originally been the cellar slash storage room. Over the years, Rick had made improvements to it. For some reason, maybe because of what had happened to Daryl, he always wanted to have a panic room of sorts. He never had any trouble imagining a psycho guest coming after him or one of the other residents or staff members. So Rick had reconstructed the room, adding vents to the outside in case he had to stay there for a prolonged period of time. He'd added electric outlets, and he had actually already began a rudimentary plumbing line to the outside. He was just missing the toilet since those weren't readily available to him. He had reinforced the door, and the outside wall. He'd installed a lock on the inside of the door, but he had removed that. Now the lock was on the outside, and the inside of the door didn't even have a handle. He was a bit paranoid that Carl might find a way to pry the vents open, and either escape, or call for help. Rick sighed. He had a feeling that he was going to be caught. Carl wasn't going to give up, and that was one of the things that Rick had loved about him. Oh well, Rick thought. Who cared if he went to jail? He'd keep Carl safe for as long as he could, and then if the boy eventually found a way to move against him, he would accept the punishment. Even if Carl hated him, he still wanted to be around him.

"Carl?" Rick asked. He listened through the door to see what Carl was doing. He wondered if it would've been too much if he'd added a camera to the room. He was no stranger to installing security devices to rooms. He was a jack of all trades on the island.

Carl debated not answering, but he couldn't help it. "What?" He bit.

"I really am... sorry," Rick admitted. "I know it seems crazy. I know what it looks like. I didn't know what else to do."

Carl rolled his eyes. Rick was a fucking psycho. "It is crazy. This is... this is kidnapping!" Carl shouted angrily.

Rick closed his eyes. "I hope one day you can forgive me. If you need anything. Let me know. This isn't meant to be uncomfortable for you."

After Carl screamed "Fuck you!" Rick took a hint and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	10. Day 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is a master manipulator when it comes to Shane and Lori. The parents begin their search for Carl. Rick justifies his actions to himself further after seeing how Lori and Shane react to their missing son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm not an expert on hotels, islands, kidnapping, or parenting lol. I have no idea how this situation would actually play out in real life, so just let it roll.

When Lori and Shane woke up, they stayed in bed. Lori waited for Shane to start. She looked at him expectantly, wondering what he'd have to stay about Carl this time. They had decided to give the boy space the night before. She hadn't spoken to or seen him since the beach.

Shane glared at the wall. He looked at Lori looking at him. "What?"

"Nothing," she sighed.

Shane grunted, getting out of the bed after a few minutes of thinking. "We're leaving."

Lori nodded. She wasn't really opposed to leaving. It was difficult enough dealing with tough situations at home, let alone on strange islands. She had expected this. Shane didn't often change his mind. He was stubborn.

"I'll tell Carl," she said.

"I have half a mind to leave his ass here," Shane admitted.

Lori looked at Shane exasperatedly. "It's not that bad."

Shane shook his head. "Nah. Not yet. Just wait till he has to go back to school. He'll regret it then."

Lori went to Carl's room. She knocked twice and waited. She knocked again. Harder. "Carl?" She called.

No response.

Carl was gone yet again.

She wondered if he was sleeping soundly. "Oh," she breathed. Shit. The last thing he had said to her was that he was going to go off by himself. She had wanted to give him his space for the rest of the night, but maybe that wasn't the best of ideas. Had he even come back? She took out her key card for Carl's room.

She entered, hoping to see Carl's sleeping figure in the bed.

Lori exhaled brokenly. He hadn't even come back the night before, she realized. The bed was perfectly made.

"Shane," Lori cried. "He's not here."

Shane shrugged, "He's probably out with those friends of his. Let him. He was gone yesterday too, and he turned up."

"Shane," Lori said seriously. "What if something's wrong."

The man thought about it for a second. "The plane doesn't leave until tonight. Give him the afternoon to turn up. Like I said. He did yesterday."

Lori shook her head. She left the hotel. Maybe he was on the beach again, or he went to breakfast alone.

 

They started looking for him at 3pm.

"Lori," Shane began. "What was the last thing he said to you?"

"He was going to go off by himself. He was upset."

Shane frowned. "Maybe somebody at the front desk has seen 'em."

They walked up to the reception desk quickly, a dark woman looked at them pleasantly. "Hi, how can I help you?"

"Our son is missing," Lori blurted. She noticed the woman's nametag said Michonne.

The woman frowned, "Oh dear. Let me get my boss on the line. He his the head of tour guides and guest services. He'll know where to look."

Shane grimaced. Why couldn't this woman just do it? Wasn't everyone properly trained.

Michonne picked up the walkie-talkie she used to contact Rick. It was easier since cellphones didn't really get the best service on the island, and Rick was never in one spot for too long.

"Rick?" She said into the walkie.

 

Rick unlocked the door to Carl's room, carefully. He half expected the boy to be waiting to attack him or something, but Carl was sleeping. Rick frowned when he saw that the bed was overturned, and Carl was just on the bare floor. He moved quickly and silently, readjusting the cushions and blankets on the floor. Daryl had taught him how to make blankets and pillows comfortable on the hard ground. Rick sighed. Carl looked so sweet while he slept.

Rick smirked as he realized he spoke too soon. Carl's eyes cracked open, and then he flew backwards into the corner, "Stay away from me!"

Carl's eyes flickered to Rick. He noticed that the man was just fixing his bed.

"You should sleep on the bed," Rick suggested. "I don't want you to hurt your back." He left before Carl could even respond.

Carl glowered at the door. Fuck him.

 

Rick jumped when his walkie-talkie vibrated against him. "Rick?" Michonne asked.

"Go ahead," Rick responded once he was outside of the house. He didn't want Carl to overhear the conversation in case it pertained to him.

"There's a couple here, saying they can't find their son," Michonne explained. "Can you get down here?"

Rick felt a rush. That's right, he remembered. Shane and Lori had wanted to leave the island. Today was the day.

"I'll be right there," Rick answered. He wondered how all of this was going to go. Everything was working in his favour since Carl's parents didn't even know that he knew their son. Additionally, Carl hadn't even had the chance to talk to them before he disappeared. Everyone would find out that Carl had come out as gay, and then they'd wonder...was it Shane who killed his son in anger? Did Carl kill himself from the rejection? Rick nodded to himself as he went through the possibilities, and that wasn't to mention the three men who'd attacked Carl. Maybe Rick would come out with that, and explain that he'd saved them. Carl had had to explain those bruises to his parents, after all. It would all fit, and the three attackers would be accused of finishing the job on poor Carl. No matter how Rick looked at it, he was in the clear. Especially if he could avoid having his house searched, and if Lori and Shane gave up quickly. This would be a breeze.

 

"Hi there," Rick greeted Shane and Lori. He shook both of their hands eagerly. He was reluctant on the inside. Touching them was the last thing he wanted to do.

"How long has it been since you've last seen your son?" Rick wondered.

Shane answered, "I am a police officer, and I know how to conduct an investigation. We're gonna need a team to sweep the island," he explained.

Rick raised his eyebrows. What a dick. "All right, well that's fine. There's no security on the island at the time. We fly in a special team in busy season."

"Isn't it illegal to run a resort with no security?" Lori wondered.

"No ma'am," Rick explained. "It's privately owned."

Shane rolled his eyes, "Do you have the authority to send in that team, then?"

"Mr..." Rick began.

"Walsh," Shane grunted.

"Mr. Walsh. I don't know if that will be necessary. This happens all the time. Your son either got lost on the paths, wandered into one of the huts on the other side of the island, or he is hiding on you."

"What?" Shane asked. "That's your answer?"

Rick shrugged. "You said you're a police officer. All due respect...that can work to your disadvantage where personal matters are concerned."

Lori frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Rick began. "Cops tend to try and look close to the family when they're conducting an investigation. But when it's their own family...they don't do that."

"What are you sayin' man?" Shane asked.

Rick smiled politely. "Is there anything you or your wife could've done that would've upset your son? Does he have any reason to want to stay away from you? Or do you believe that he just got lost?"

Shane frowned. "He had some friends in the huts or whatever. Maybe he's there."

Rick pursed his lips. Of course Shane would try to hide his part in the situation. That's okay. He could play along.

"All right, I'll take you there."

 

"I usually walk," Rick explained. "But we can take this golf cart. It'll be faster."

"Thank you," Lori said.

Rick nodded politely. "We'll find him, ma'am."

 

"What's his name?" Rick asked when he reached the outskirts of the huts.

"Carl," Shane answered. "Carl Walsh."

Rick nodded, "Thank you."

Shane's glared lessened as he accepted that Rick was trying to be helpful. He knew that even though he was a police officer, it didn't really matter here. He had a jurisdiction to follow. "Lori, do you have a picture?" Shane muttered.

Lori dug through her fanny pack, "Oh. Yeah!" She grabbed the picture of Carl from her wallet.

"It's lucky you have this," Rick raised his eyebrows, impressed despite his hatred for the Walsh's. "Most people just have pictures on their phones now."

Lori shrugged, "I like paper ones."

Shane rolled his eyes, "Let's get moving. It's already 5. We're leaving in an hour."

Rick knew they wouldn't be leaving. He wondered how long it would take them to give up. If Carl was his son, he'd probably never give up. Shane was a tough guy, so he'd probably stick it out on principle. He gave it three weeks. Even if the parents left though, he had a feeling he'd still need to keep in touch with them in case "anything came up". He rolled his eyes. He was in it for the long haul with this one. Rick couldn't help but wonder if it was all worth it. He looked at Carl's school picture. Yes, he decided. Who cares if his parents wanted to find him. Big deal. It didn't erase how they'd treated Carl the past days. They didn't deserve to get him back.

There was an elderly couple who swore they never saw the boy.

There was a young woman named Andrea who came for a couple months every year. She shook her head solemnly when Rick asked if she had seen Carl, and then she offered to help.

Rick glared at the three young men he'd met before. "Have you seen him?" Rick asked suggestively.

Shane and Lori exchanged a glance. Shane spoke up, "You three the ones he was hanging out with?"

The three guys looked at each other. "Uhh, we saw him...but that was a couple days ago."

Lori frowned. "Carl said that he had bruises from fighting. Was that you?"

Rick raised an eyebrow at the one he'd had to pull off of Carl. "Carl said he was hanging out with these kids?"

"Yeah," Lori nodded vehemently. "A few times."

"Interesting," Rick said. "Did he come by last night?"

Shane watched the punk that Rick was questioning. He looked guilty. He was avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, and hesitating.

"No," the kid finally said.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Shane cut in.

"A few days ago," he said.

"What do you think?" Rick said to Shane.

"When are they leavin'?" Shane asked.

"Not for a few days," the guys agreed, looking around at each other.

"Good," Shane answered. "Don't go too far. I'm not done with you."

The guy gulped. Rick's mouth twitched ferally. The guy was tough when he was alone with a 15 year old, but now he was shaking in his boots. Pathetic. Rick found himself almost angry at the boy for lying, but then he realized that he wasn't lying. Rick was surprised at himself, he was starting to believe that he had nothing to do with it.

 

"Where else can we look?" Lori asked desperately. "It's already too late. We missed our plane."

"That little punk better be hurt or dead," Shane said impatiently.

"Excuse me?" Rick asked.

Lori touched Shane's arm. "We're just worried."

"He better not be hidin'," Shane explained. "Or he's gonna get it."

"Maybe he's scared of you," Rick tried. "If you say stuff like that...maybe he's intimidated by you."

Lori looked away from Shane. Nobody talked to him like that. Shane was going to be angry.

"Oh yeah?" Shane asked. "What do you know?"

Rick shook his head. "I don't know you. But I gotta say. You come off a bit harsh. Are you sure you didn't say somethin' to him before he disappeared? Anything at all?"

Shane frowned. Lori wasn't going to say anything, but she couldn't hold it in.

"He..." Lori began. "He came out. As gay," she explained. "We weren't.... we didn't say the most supportive of things."

Rick kept his expression blank. Of course these people would feel guilty now. Now that they believed Carl was in physical danger, they reflected on the possibility that he had been in emotional danger. This was exactly what Rick was trying to explain to Carl. What he was trying to accomplish by keeping him locked away. Carl's parents were no good.

"Oh," Rick responded. "Uhh," he scratched his head. "Well. If that's the case. I don't really know if it's an issue of missing persons, or a private family matter."

"What?" Lori said worriedly. "You're not gonna help us?"

"No, I didn't say that," Rick disagreed. "He's only been gone since last night...after you guys fought apparently. If you guys hurt him...well he's probably not dead or lost. He probably doesn't want to see you."

"No, no, no," Shane argued. "We can't think that. We have to keep lookin'."

"I'm sorry," Rick shrugged. "I just don't think this is what you think it is."

Lori frowned, "Maybe he's right, Shane. We were cruel."

"No we weren't," Shane argued. "If he wants to be a little pussy about it, that's fine. But he needs to get his ass here so we can go home."

Rick raised his eyebrows. "I don't think this is any of my business," he lied.

Shane paced in front of the golf cart, "What are we gonna do? How long is he gonna play these games."

"How about this," Rick offered. "I'll go back to the hotel. I'll go room to room, and make sure he didn't sneak into one of the vacant ones. I'll talk to my staff to keep a look out, and I'll check in with the rest of the management. See if he stole a boat or hopped the plane while we were out lookin'. He could be safe and sound."

"That's a great idea," Lori agreed. "Are there any islands nearby that he could've gone to?"

"Not really," Rick admitted. "We're pretty isolated here. And the pilot of the plane is really by-the-book. He wouldn't just take your son if he wasn't accompanied by his guardians. It's just the way things work around here. Has Carl done anything like this before?"

Lori pondered, "Not really. I mean. Sometimes he sneaks out, but he just goes for walks or to the store to buy video games. He doesn't. Well, he doesn't have too many friends. He never gets into any trouble."

Shane became exasperated, "You know. I never thought about it. But think. He just came out as a f-. Gay," he corrected himself. Maybe all this time he had us fooled. Maybe he was sneakin' out to go fuck around or somethin'. He could have 'friends' that we don't know about, Lori."

"No, I don't believe that," Lori defended Carl. "He's a good boy."

Rick held up his hands, "I don't know. I don't want to overstep my bounds. You're the officer, and you're the parents..." Rick explained. He was a master manipulator. He knew how to deal with these types. The trick was to act like you knew somethin', or they'd treat you like an idiot, but you couldn't know too much. You had to play to their ego. He had already planted seeds of doubt when he'd asked if Carl had done anything like that before. They were all already agreeing that this was Carl's fault. Rick felt a little guilty. But he needed to get the idiots off his back. "You'll know more about him than me. All I can do is show you the parts of the island you're not familiar with, and check the things I have the authority to check. If really necessary, I can call some security in. But, like I said," Rick addressed Shane, "You're the boy's father, and a cop. You'll be more useful than anyone else they send."

Shane nodded in agreement, "You're right. We don't need to damn security. If he's here we'll find 'em."

Rick smiled. "Good. I'll take you back to the hotel, and you can think of what you'd like to do next. I'll check into everything, and call your room."

Lori was pleased. "Thank you so much, what's your name?"

"Rick Grimes," Rick answered.

"Thanks man," Shane said, holding his hand out for a shake again.

"It's no problem," Rick shrugged. "I hope he turns up. Sounds like a nice kid."

They rode back to the hotel in silence. Rick was smiling smugly on the inside. On the outside, his face was serious and determined. "I've never lost a guest on my watch. I've worked here for 15 years. I guarantee I'll do everything I can to help find your boy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	11. Day 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Rick have a conversation. Carl gets revenge on Rick for taking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

When Rick finally got back to his cabin, it was late. Past midnight.

He realized in a panic that he still hadn't put a bucket into Carl's room, and all the boy had was power bars and water.

Rick whipped open the door, hoping Carl hadn't made a mess. It would've been understandable, but it would've sucked.

"Jesus Christ," Carl yelped, putting a hand over his heart. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," Rick apologized. "I remembered that you didn't have anywhere to go to the bathroom."

Carl shrugged. "I held it."

"I'm surprised you didn't just go anyways. Would've made life difficult for me."

"Thanks for the idea," Carl said sarcastically.

Rick chuckled. His smile faded when he saw Carl eyeing the door. He sighed. When would the boy stop that?

"What should I do with you while I install the toilet?" Rick wondered. "If I stay in here with you, you'll hit me over the head with a tool, and I won't be able to lock the door. You could make a run for it."

Carl raised his eyebrows. "Should've thought of that before."

"The bucket is inhumane," Rick complained. "But it will take a few days for me to get a toilet here."

"Just take me to use yours," Carl rolled his eyes. "Holy fuck, dude. I have to explain to you how to kidnap somebody? You really should make it easy on yourself and let me go."

Rick shook his head."You shouldn't swear."

Carl stood up suddenly. "Why am I even being nice to you? You're a criminal."

Rick left the room immediately, shutting the door quickly before Carl could make a move. He bolted the door and locked it. He still hadn't put a bucket in the room. He admitted to himself that he'd just have to drug Carl. Keep the boy out while he installed the toilet. It was the only way to avoid a fight. If Carl tried to escape, Rick would have to fight back, and he knew that would mean Carl getting hurt. He wasn't willing to risk it.

"I hate you!" Carl screamed from the other side of the door. "I trusted you....you fuck!"

"Fuck you!" Carl continued, kicking the door. "I'll kill you!" Carl wasn't as angry with Rick as he was with himself. He had trusted the man. Opened up. And this was what he got for it. He was sweating his fucking ass off in a cell. Why was Rick even bothering? All Carl could think was that he would've come back. Now it was ruined. He couldn't believe himself. Pathetic. Being nice to Rick when he'd first come in. Rick was right. He should've shit all over the floor. Pissed everywhere. He knew Rick would clean it. Asshole was too fucking nice.

Carl smirked, just thinking about it. It sucked. Shitting everywhere would mean that he'd have to smell it and see it. It'd be disgusting. Not even worth it. He'd have to find another way to stick it to Rick.

 

Rick slept outside of Carl's room. If he positioned himself correctly, he could see through the crack between the bottom of the door and floor. He could see Carl's foot at the edge of the bed. The lamp was still lit. He didn't say anything. Carl was upset, and he didn't want to make it worse. He wondered what he should tell the boy about the efforts his parents were making. If he told them that they were actively searching, Carl would want to leave even more. If Rick said that they weren't doing much, Carl would be hurt. If Rick told him the truth, with a bit of a stretch...he could say that Lori and Shane had noticed Carl's absence, but they believed he was just hiding and trying to get attention. In other words, they weren't looking. Rick believed that was the most plausible and effective way to break it to Carl. Carl would believe it, even if he didn't want to. After all the rude things Shane had said, Rick bet it wouldn't be so hard to convince Carl. Carl knew his father.

 

Rick woke up early. 5am. He had to get Carl some breakfast and figure out a solution for the toilet issue.

When Rick unlocked the door, he expected Carl to be asleep, but the boy was awake. Naked. Waiting. Rick's hands were full. He had a bowl of cereal in one hand, and a bucket in the other. He couldn't even shield himself from Carl's urine.

Carl smirked as he aimed at Rick. That was what the fucker got. If he couldn't pee in his own room, then he'd pee on Rick. This way he wouldn't have to smell it.

Carl had expected Rick to drop what was in his hands, or back away in frustration, but the man just looked shocked for a split second, and then he accepted it.

There was a lot to get out since Carl had held it for an entire day. At the end of it, he felt a little awkward. Rick was just standing there, getting soaked from his chest to his feet. Carl didn't aim for the face, even though Rick deserved it.

When he was done, he crossed his arms, and regarded Rick expectantly.

Rick just raised his eyebrows, and tossed the bucket into the room. He took the cereal since it had been tainted.

Carl frowned. A few drops of piss had managed to get on the floor. Most of it had just soaked into Rick's clothing. He felt kind of guilty. That was mean, and a little weird. It had seemed like a good idea before, but Rick hadn't even gotten mad. He'd just stood there, kind of sad. Carl sat on his bed, pulling his pants back on, and his shirt. He didn't feel satisfied at all.

 

Rick stepped into the shower fully clothed. It was the most effective way to wash everything away. He had to admit he wasn't surprised. Carl had warned him. It was his own fault. He was the one who'd forgotten the toilet anyway. Who could blame the boy?

Rick redressed, and collected some extra stuff to bring to Carl. An apple, some toilet paper, a towel, and an extra blanket.

This time when Rick walked in, the boy was lying down, clothed.

Carl blushed when Rick came in. He could tell the man had showered.

"If you use the bucket, just cover it up with the towel. I'll empty it next time," Rick instructed. "I'm going to be gone for the day."

"Are my parents looking for me?" Carl asked once the door was shut. He didn't want to see Rick's face.

"Your dad wanted to leave yesterday," Rick admitted through the door. "He's angry."

"What did he say?" Carl asked hopefully.

"You better be hurt or dead," Rick responded. "They think you're hiding."

Carl's eyes burned. His fists clenched in frustration. "This is your fault."

"Yeah, I know," Rick said. "But what kind of people are they if they're not even worried that you're hurt?"

Carl didn't know how to answer that. He just let Rick go without anymore questions.

The more he thought about what he'd done to Rick, the more he regretted it. Not only because he felt guilty, but because he had been naked willingly in front of the man. He never wanted Rick to see him naked again. It felt so violating. He can't believe that Rick had been inside him. It was obscene. Carl wrapped his arms around his knees. He had still liked it though.

 

 

When Rick got to the hotel, Shane and Lori were waiting for him.

He lied and said he'd been up through the night, searching the woods--he knew the paths better than anyone. He reiterated what he'd told them the night before. The hotel was clear. The huts were clear. He'd checked the staff housing and the storage sheds. No sign of anybody.

Lori put her hand over her mouth, "Maybe he isn't hiding."

Shane put his arm around his wife, "Jesus. Maybe we should check again, with you. Two more sets of eyes."

Rick nodded, "Yeah. That'd be good. I'll get my guy Glenn to come with us too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> grimesobcest.tumblr.com
> 
> What do you think of what Carl did to Rick?? Fair or unfair? :P


	12. 2 weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Lori still won't let Rick call in a third party to help find Carl. Rick isn't happy about that, but it does work in his favour. Carl learns of how little his parents are doing to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think my portrayal of Shane is unreasonable, note that I based his behaviour on how reluctant he is to search for Sophia. Yes his ruthless when it comes to protecting Carl (i.e. Otis), and he does care in this story, but he is callous, egotistical, and dumb. That will seriously hinder his ability to be effective.

Rick couldn't believe he was still getting away with it. It had already been almost a week since he'd taken Carl. It was difficult to fathom that he'd only known the boy for 2 weeks. It had felt like years

He could see Lori and Shane getting desperate. Shane kept spouting statistics about missing kids, and Lori took to crying. Eventually Lori became quiet.

"Maybe he went into the water..." Lori suggested.

"Stop," Shane demanded.

"He could've gone out too far," Lori held up her hands. "It could've been an accident."

"No," Shane argued. "There's no way he could've drowned. He's been swimmin' since he was little."

Rick smirked as the days showed a decrease in the mention of all things gay. Figures that it would take Carl being missing for Lori and Shane to realize how important he was. Rick was surprised, though. He would've bet that it would take a lot longer than 5 days to make Shane and Lori realize that Carl being gay didn't change that he was their son. Rick didn't feel guilty anymore, if anything he felt more resolute.

"Are you sure that you don't want me to get more people involved?" Rick suggested. He felt like he was asking this several times a day.

Shane always refused. "No, you get people in here...they just start makin' a mess. We can find him ourselves."

Lori always looked hesitant, "It's already been 2 days." "It's already been 4 days." "It's already been almost a week."

Rick shrugged. "I'll be honest with you, there's no real protocol for us here. Nobody has ever been gone or lost for more than a few hours. I can call the owner. They can get a helicopter. A search party. Police. Interpol. Anybody you want. It's all a phone call away."

Really, Rick didn't want any of that. He was counting on Shane's ego and Lori's indecision to let the case go cold. Just accept Carl was gone. He was surprised that Lori and Shane hadn't turned on him yet, thinking that he was being overly helpful because of guilt. You could never be too careful, after all.

Shane had even spent a day questioning the 3 guys that had attacked Carl his first day on the island.

Rick had been worried that they would give away that Rick had actually met Carl before, but that didn’t happen, fortunately. Even if it did, Rick had reasoned that it didn’t make him look guilty at all. So what if he had met Carl before…it didn’t prove that he personally knew the boy. Besides, Rick was arranging for his staff to take turns searching the premises for Carl, and he was participating in the “investigation” more than anyone. Who would really suspect him?

All those guys had said was that they met the first day on the island, and that they hadn’t seen Carl again. They seemed pleased that nobody pressed them further about that first day… mostly because when Rick went to the huts by himself, he told them, “I haven’t told the parents about what happened that day. I didn’t think I had to. I know you didn’t have anything to do with the boy’s disappearance.”

“Why?” They’d asked.

Rick had shrugged. “Because the parents told me that the kid has done this before. He disappears. I feel like he’ll turn up, but he’s hiding pretty damn good.”

“Yeah man,” the leader had said. “We’re really sorry about everything that happened. We would never, uh, hurt the kid. We were all just playin’. Tryin’ to scare ‘em or something.”

“I understand,” Rick had replied. “Just please keep a look out.” It made him sick to be friendly with those guys, but it was the only way to keep his hands clean.

So of course when Shane went to question them himself, they kept quiet. Why bring it up and make themselves look guilty for no reason?

Rick was playing everybody. He was starting to believe his lies more and more. Reality was close to slipping. Especially when he went home after long days and nights, only to forget that Carl was actually even there. Sometimes Rick found himself actually looking in the woods, wondering if Carl would turn up. Sometimes he even felt sick and worried, running through the possibilities of what could have happened…meanwhile nothing had really happened to Carl. Nothing he didn’t know about.

Still, Rick kept suggesting to Lori and Shane that they bring in some help, but the longer they searched and handled it themselves, the less helpful bringing in a third party seemed.

“No point now,” Shane said. “He…he’s gotta be dead.”

Lori didn’t look like she wanted to agree, but she nodded her head slightly.

“No, please don’t think like that,” Rick pressed. “He can’t… he can’t be.” Rick put his head in his heads, “It’s only been a few days. I…”

Lori’s sob escaped her chest. “You’ve been so--. You’ve done more than you had to.”

“But,” Rick argued. “Are you just leaving? Just like that? You can’t.”

“The way I see it,” Shane began, “He either ran away, or he…had an accident.” He put a hand over his mouth and dragged it down. Shane’s exhaustion was starting to show in his face. He was acting tough, but Rick could tell it was getting to him. Probably because he felt guilty. “If he ran away, he’ll keep hiding. He probably doesn’t want to see us again. So why should we stay here waiting for him to turn up? Maybe we need to let him go.”

“Jesus Christ,” Rick breathed. “I mean… what are you gonna say when you get home when people ask where Carl is? What if he is dead? What if he is hiding and you leave. How’s he gonna get home?”

Shane shook his head like he didn’t want to deal with it.

Lori composed herself and answered. “We’ll stay another week. We’ll keep looking. And then…” She choked, “We’ll have to accept it. We can leave…we can leave some money with you in case he turns up and needs to get home. Or maybe one of us can stay behind. Maybe me, so Shane can work. I can wait for him,” She cried. “Would you keep the money in case? No matter how long it takes.”

A few tears escaped from Rick’s own eyes, “I…I wish I could just give him back to you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.” Fucking idiots. He didn’t know why he was crying. Maybe sympathy. Maybe he was mourning for the end of Carl’s life. Maybe it was tears of happiness for Carl’s new life, and Rick’s new beginning. Shane and Lori would finally leave. They believed him. It was so easy. He couldn’t believe how fucking lucky he’d been. If Shane hadn’t been a policeman himself, things would’ve gotten real ugly. Any other parent would’ve called in any police officer available to search for their kid. Any other parent would’ve seen right through Rick and the weak story that those rapists were pushing. But not Shane. Not Lori. Shane was too egotistical and too eager to believe that Carl ran away—it was easier than blaming himself for the boy’s death or admitting that his homophobia had driven Carl to the edge. Lori was eager to believe that Carl had died so she wouldn’t have to stomach the fact that her son never wanted to see her again. Both of those conflicting opinions were putting them at a disadvantage. Rick could play them anyway he wanted, appealing to any side of the argument. As long as he was the positive one; the one willing to organize the search; the one offering to call in reinforcements; Shane and Lori could put the burden on him to do all the searching and investigating. He was their crutch. The serpent behind the flower.

Every night, Rick got to go home to Carl.

 

Despite Rick’s best efforts to keep Carl happy and healthy, the boy just wasn’t having it.

It was difficult to talk with Carl since he was constantly behind a door, but Rick tried.

“Are you all right, Carl? Can I get you anything?” Rick asked. He was in a fantastic mood since Shane and Lori were already on their way to giving up. Soon he would have Carl all to himself. The perfect crime.

Carl didn’t answer. Why should he talk to his kidnapper? His ex-lover… Part of him still cared about Rick. He tried to fight it, but every time the man brought him something or asked him if he was okay, he felt appreciative. Hating Rick was easy, but it became more difficult for Carl as Rick reported everything Shane and Lori said about Carl. At first, Carl didn’t want to believe all of the things that Rick was telling him, but he couldn’t deny that Rick’s reports held truth to them. After all, Carl had lived with his parents for 15 years; he knew what they sounded like. Rick was telling it like it was.

“What did they say?” Carl finally answered. He was keeping track of the time he spent in his little cell in the journal that Rick had given to him. It was his 5th day. He couldn’t stand talking to Rick. Even if he still cared about the man…barely. It hurt physically to hear the man’s voice. Rick’s voice just sounded like betrayal and hurt to Carl. He had trusted that man so wholly. In a way, his love for Rick was what got him here in the first place. Rick was so eager to latch onto him. Desperate, even. Carl sighed. He know that Rick had nothing except for him, but it was by force. As much as he wanted to feel sympathy for Rick, he couldn't. The man was a crazy liar.

Rick smiled when he heard Carl’s voice. “I don’t want you to be hurt, Carl,” Rick admitted.

“It can’t be any worse than ‘he better be hurt or dead’,” Carl responded.

“They’re discussing one of them staying behind. One will go back. Your mom suggested leaving money with me in case you turned up and needed to get home, and they were gone.”

Carl put his hands over his eyes. The tears came readily. His parents were ready to give up so easily.

“I don’t understand,” Carl cried. “Why would they leave so soon? My parents would never do that. Especially not my mom. It doesn’t make any sense!” Carl screamed.

Rick frowned. He hated hearing Carl sad. He knew that Shane and Lori’s poor parenting was working to his advantage in every way, but in a sick way he wished that they would find him out and fight for Carl. Take Carl back. Rick was willing to sacrifice being found out if it meant that Carl would be going back to a good home. But if Shane and Lori were giving up so soon…it only justified him keeping Carl like this.

“I’m sorry, Carl,” Rick thought about leaving it at that, but he felt too heartbroken for Carl to keep it in, “They seem sorry about what happened, Carl.”

Carl perked up at that. Was he right after all? His parents would come around. No, he decided. They just felt guilty. “What did they say?” Carl asked despite himself. Did he even want to know?

“Your dad…he questioned the kids who attacked you that first day. He spent all day grillin’ them,” Rick explained, “And your mom sobbed when she thought about you drownin’. And, uh, your dad thought that if you ran away…because you never wanted to see ‘em again. Maybe he should just let you go.”

“How does that show that they’re sorry, you idiot?” Carl growled.

Rick flinched away from the door. He nodded. Carl just needed time to adjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com :) :) :)


	13. Day 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is really bad at kidnapping, especially since he cares for Carl so much. He and Carl are able to have a slightly decent conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when he tried to kidnap Randall, and he didn't even like him! :P

“They finally let me call in a detective,” Rick told Carl through the door. “After two weeks,” Rick added, disgustedly. "They'll be here in a few days."

Carl shook his head, looking at his new toilet. Rick had finally gotten around to installing it. He couldn’t understand why Rick was getting so lucky. Calling the police is the first thing you do when someone goes missing. It had taken two weeks to even get to that point? How the fuck was Rick getting away with this? Nobody had come to search the cabin either. What was with that? Could nobody see through Rick’s charm? The guy was a psycho. Carl was surprised the man hadn’t tried to rape him…or skin him. Jesus.

What was the point in bringing in a detective now, anyways? There would be no evidence to find if there had ever been any…what was to be accomplished?

“The owner knows now too. He…uh. He wasn’t happy with me for keeping it from him for so long. He doesn’t want to be sued. He’s flying in with some lawyers.”

Carl’s heart burst. Finally. There was a chance. Maybe one of these people would see the devil in Rick. Maybe they would search the cabin. He needed to be ready.

“Why didn’t they call the police after day 1?” Carl asked tiredly. “You never did explain that to me. What did you say to them. You won them over so fast…I wonder what they’d do if they knew…everything.” He leaned his head against the door so he could hear Rick speak.

Carl alternated between talking to Rick and not talking. Sometimes he was happy to hear Rick’s voice since it meant he had company—it got really lonely and boring by himself. Other days Rick really rubbed him the wrong way. Some days Carl tried to kick the door down or reach the vents in the ceiling. Other days he just read the books Rick had left him and drew pictures in his notebook. Some day he was blatantly rude to his captor, and other days Carl found it in himself to be nice and remember the Rick he had first met. Carl didn’t know how to act. He didn’t know what to think. After a while he couldn’t see a point in acting rude or nice…Rick never reacted differently to either.

Rick put his hands on his hips, “I didn’t say anything to them, Carl. I keep tellin’ you. I am guilty of one thing. Taking you,” Rick explained. “Maybe two things, then. Keepin’ you being the second.”

Carl rolled his eyes.

“I never told them anything that would make them search less. They did that on their own.”

“What are you talking about?” Carl asked annoyed. “They wouldn’t do that unless you were manipulating them. You’re twisting things,” Carl decided.

“No,” Rick argued. “I asked them every day ‘are you sure you don’t want me to call in someone to investigate’. I tell them ‘no, keep lookin’’. Every time they think about quitting. I took them on all sorts of walks. Every day. I brought them to the beach. To the huts. To the cabins. The storage sheds. Every single square inch of the hotel.”

“Everywhere but here,” Carl noticed.

“Well, I’d say that’s fair,” Rick concluded. “I can’t help it if they’re too stupid to ask to see my cabin. They’re the ones trusting me. I never told them they shouldn’t. You know…” Rick began.

Rick wondered if he should even say it. “Nah, never mind,” Rick said.

“What?” Carl was curious.

Rick sighed. “I kind of want you to be found.”

“Why?” Carl asked, surprised. “That’s crazy. Do you want to go to jail?”

“If someone found you,” Rick started, “Especially your parents. If somebody thought enough to come lookin’ here. I wouldn’t even put up a fight when they arrested me. It would mean that they cared enough to keep searching. It would mean that they loved you enough.”

Carl tilted his head, thinking. He ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t say anything.

Rick continued, “When I first took you…I didn’t have a plan, really. I…I just wanted to keep you away from them. After what they did to you. After what they said. How they couldn’t accept you. I couldn’t stand knowin’ that you could be here with me, but instead you would be with them. I had to save you. And now, after I hear them talk. How I see your father treat your mother. When I hear them giving up…it does not make me feel guilty for one second. It makes me proud that I took you away from them. They don’t deserve you, Carl.”

“Oh, so you deserve me, then?” Carl retorted. Rick explained this to him at least once a day. Boo hoo for him, Carl thought. Who cares if Rick thought he was saving him. You couldn’t just kidnap someone.

  
“No,” Rick admitted. “I don’t deserve you. I know you’ll never love me after this. You probably hate me more than you could hate your parents. But I know that I love you, and if you’re with me, you can be loved. At least. Even if your room is small. I’ll give you anything you want. If you wanted to finish school…I could find a way to teach you in between shifts. I could give you a better life, even if you spent the rest of it in that room.”

“How would I even get my diploma, Rick? I’ll be considered dead. Or missing. I won’t have any ID. How will you register me? Who would you register me as? I won’t ever be able to come out in public, and if I did, you know I’d try to run. Are you going to keep me in this room forever? Your plan of me working on the island is shot. I would never work with you. What would everyone say when you show up with me? ‘Oh, the boy who was lost last week. You have him now. Safe and sound. What a coincidence. Let’s give him a job!’” Carl laughed. “Please, Rick. You’re so in over your head. You’ll either have to keep me in here forever, let me go, or kill me. You don’t get to have a happy ending. And neither do I.”

Rick raised his eyebrows. Whoa. What the hell did he say to that?

“Your parents aren’t completely convinced that your dead,” Rick tried. “They’re holding out on the hope that you’re hiding. Playing games. If you suddenly turned up…a few months from now. People would be curious, that’s for damn sure. But you’d still have your passport. I know your mother will leave it. Just in case. We could go somewhere else, or I could explain to anyone that was still interested that someone else was hiding you from us all because of your abusive parents. Really, any story would work. Or maybe you hid on the boat back to the mainland. You’d been off the island the whole time, and you’d come back for your parents, only to find that they’d gone. I don’t know. I’m sure I could think of something. People seem pretty gullible around here,” Rick shrugged.

“Fuck you,” Carl said quietly. Lifelessly. “I’ll never play a long. Just go away. Go run a long with my parents and play detective. They can die for all I care. And so can you. You’re all fucked in the head. Fuck them for giving up. And fuck you for thinking you’re any better than them. And fuck me for trusting any of you assholes. And fuck your stupid boss for just showing up now. And fuck your staff for believing your lying fucking face. God. I hope I die in here. Everybody is so stupid and disgusting. Especially you.”

Rick felt like the words had real weight to them. As Carl spat them out, Rick practically fell backwards. He couldn’t stand it. Hearing Carl be so hateful. So hopeless. He’d already started hating his parents which was what Rick had wanted in the beginning, but this was more than just annoyance or betrayal. It went beyond Shane and Lori being tough on Carl for coming out. They were fighting for his life now, and they didn’t care that they were losing. Rick couldn’t imagine the disappointment, and the deep disillusionment that Carl must be feeling. To know that his parents were almost done looking for him. To know that nobody was looking hard enough. To know that a stranger could easily get away with a crime. Carl must be absolutely distraught, Rick realized. He wasn’t just kidnapped anymore. He was erased.

Rick put his head in his hands and wept. He hadn’t saved Carl at all. He’d killed him.

Carl heard Rick crying through the door. His words had hurt? Good. He hoped that Rick knew what a big piece of shit he was. Just like when he’d peed on the man, though. He didn’t feel satisfied. Not at all.

Rick cried until he couldn’t breathe. He’d fucked up beyond repair. He could turn back—turn himself in, or let Carl go. Maybe the boy wouldn’t say anything…no, who cares, Rick thought. Who cares if he was exposed. He would deserve it.

He paced the room for a while, nearing closer to the door with each step. He placed his hand on the door handle. Rick could unlock it. He could open the door. Let Carl go. Accept his punishment. He would never see Carl again. You’re not even seeing him now, Rick thought. What kind of life could he lead with Carl if he couldn’t even see the boy. It wasn’t like he would impose on the boy by sitting in his room. It was pretty small. Rick considered renovating. Maybe he could make the room bigger. Add a window that could be hidden. He could see Carl, that way. He shook his head. That was ridiculous. Crazy. You’ve already come this far, he reasoned.

“Carl, are you hungry?” Rick asked. The boy had been living off energy bars and bottles of water. Mostly because Rick was too scared to open the door. He didn’t want a repeat of golden showers, and he didn’t want to bother Carl. “I want to bring you some real food, but… I don’t want to bother you if you want your privacy.”

Carl thought about not answering. Maybe he could pretend he was eating, and then just hide it all. He could starve himself to death. Or he could wait until Rick came in with some food and attack the man with the pen, or drown him in the toilet. Carl smirked. The humour disappeared when his stomach growled. Hmm. Maybe he’d start the hunger strike another time.

“I really really want a hamburger,” Carl admitted. “And like…ugh. A soda. And an entire pumpkin pie. These energy bars are disgusting after 10 boxes of them.”

Rick frowned. “I’m sorry, Carl. I’ll get you different ones. I promise. Make a list in your journal. Anything you want. I’ll do my best to get it. Food. Games. Supplies. I want you to be at least somewhat happy with me.”

Carl crossed his arms. “The hamburger?”

“Yeah?” Rick laughed.

“Bacon and cheese. No mustard. Extra pickles. I don’t care how long it takes. Just… get whatever shit you need to get. And also, I prefer Coke to Pepsi. The rest can wait. I want this now.” Carl was aware he sounded greedy and rude. Demanding. He was allowed to. If Rick really meant that he would do _anything,_ Carl would ask for everything. Why not? It was the least Rick could do.

Rick grinned. “You got it, Carl. It’s the least I can do,” he said humbly.

Goddamn right it is, Carl thought. Asshole. Typical Rick. He could be slitting my throat, and he’d ask if I felt okay, Carl joked to himself. The guy would make for an interesting topic in a psychology book. Carl sighed. This was fucked up. How could someone so psychotic be so polite?

 

Rick couldn't help but smile as he prepared Carl's food. He was pleased that he had some personal groceries on hand--he had them delivered to the island with the kitchen's order. Usually he didn't need groceries since the staff could eat at the cafeteria along with the tourists, but he did this in off-season. Just in case the cafeteria was ever closed. He didn't particularly enjoy cooking, but he enjoyed giving Carl what he wanted.

 

When Rick opened Carl's door, he was tempted to ask if he could eat with him, or leave the door open, but he didn't.

"Thanks," Carl nodded, accepting the plate of food. "I, um. I wrote the list of stuff I wanted. I don't know if you want it now or some other time."

"Just slip it under the door when you're done eating," Rick suggested. "I know this isn't easy for you, and I don't know why you're taking it so well. It's more than I deserve that you're even remotely polite to me... but, I. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Seeing me probably isn't easy, so I'm not gonna make you hand it to me...I don't know," Rick shrugged. "I'll be around as much as little as you want. This isn't supposed to be miserable for you." Rick shut the door and held his breath. He was starting to disgust himself. He was acting like he had in high school. Uncertain. Insecure. Overly sensitive. He was no longer the man that he'd been when Carl'd first arrived. He was questioning himself, and overthinking everything he said. It was torture. Carl was right. He was a coward. If he could kidnap the boy and keep him in a locked room, why didn't he have the guts to even look the kid in the eye or hear him out.

Carl had mild whiplash the way Rick had been acting lately. In and out all the time, acting all polite and considerate...trying to be so cautious, and walking on eggshells just so he wouldn't upset me, Carl thought. It was ridiculous. He could tell that Rick wasn't an evil man. He couldn't even kidnap right. The man could barely be mean or honest without running away. Carl smiled. It was...cute? Rick was so bad at being bad.

"Whatever," Carl sighed. "Just go away."

"Okay," Rick agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? :) What do you want to happen!!!???
> 
> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	14. Day 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick sees about getting the items on Carl's list

Rick stood in the gift shop with Carl's list in his hand. It was the first time he was reading it, so he prepared himself for most of the items to be unattainable. He was slightly nervous. Would it just be a note insulting him? Or a list asking for things he couldn't possibly allow? Rick read it item by item, readying himself to be insulted or disappointed. The first thing was simple enough: music/iPod. Rick could manage that. They didn't have one for sale in the shop, but he could give Carl his old one. The rest was okay... _more books, another journal, Reese's peanut butter cups, an extra pillow, another fan, a shower, a case of coke._ Rick paused at the last item on the list. _Out_.

Rick sighed. Weirdly, Carl wanting out wasn't the thing that concerned him most, it was the fact that Carl hadn't showered since he'd been taken. Rick had given Carl a wash cloth and a bucket of water every couple of days, along with a package of wipes...but the boy hadn't had a shower, arguably in over 2 weeks. Rick felt guilty. He just...how was he supposed to let Carl out? Getting the damn toilet in had been hard enough. Carl had made a break for it almost every 2 minutes. Luckily, the boy hadn't been hurt, and Rick just tied his hands up, and then tied his hands to the tool box...it seemed effective and non-invasive enough.

Rick was able to get Carl everything on the list which was pleasing...well, being able to get Carl "out" and doing it where two different things. Rick didn't get that for Carl, but he acquired everything else...except the shower.

 

"Carl?" Rick knocked lightly at the door.

Carl woke from his nap slowly. He had heard Rick's voice, but he didn't expect the man to be in his actual room.

"I brought you your stuff."

"Oh," Carl replied dumbly. "Everything?"

"I'm sorry about the shower, Carl. I wanted to talk about it with you."

"What's there to talk about?" Carl asked, sitting up. He eyed his extra pillow. Nice.

"I want you to have one. It's only fair. It's your right, actually. I just don't feel comfortable letting you out of here at all. When I tried to install the toilet...that was difficult enough. The only way I see this happening is if I tie your hands up again, and tie you to my arm. I'd stand outside the shower curtain until you were done. I wouldn't see a thing, and I wouldn't touch you at all."

Carl considered it briefly, but he just wasn't ready to be that vulnerable with Rick again. Not after everything. He'd rather stick with the wipes. Whoa, he thought...wait. Couldn't he use any time out of the cell? He could at least try to escape. Maybe it ended up with him tied up in the shower, but Rick would never hurt him, and whether he succeeded or failed, he would win. He'd either be free, or he'd get a shower. Carl decided it wasn't worth it. He wanted to earn the man's trust. No point in making a run for it every five seconds. He needed to play his cards right. "It's fine...Rick," Carl ground out the name. He hated saying it. It hurt. "I'll use the wipes. Really. It's fine. I don't like being tied up, and I can see it's the only way. I admit it. I'd run."

Rick raised his eyebrows. He was surprised at the honesty. It was so... Carl. To be brutally honest, yet sweet and strong. He loved that boy so much.

"I understand," Rick admitted. "I'll bring you some deodorant too. Using mine makes you smell like me, and I bet that's not...not what you want," Rick said quietly.

Carl frowned. He hadn't noticed that he smelled like Rick... but he did now. Odd. Uncomfortable. Whatever. He didn't say anything; he just looked at Rick expectantly, "Thanks for the stuff."

"Sure," Rick nodded. "Feel free to ask for anything else...or use it however you want. I put an iPod in the bag," Rick explained, "But it's full of my music. Let me know what you like, and I'll see what I can do."

"Goodnight," Rick added awkwardly, watching Carl go through his new bag of goodies. The boy seemed content. He pulled the pillow out of its plastic wrap right away and put it behind his back.

Carl nodded.

Rick nodded in response, and stepped out of the room. It had gone better than expected. Still. It was lonely in that house even with Carl there. It wasn't the way he wanted Carl. It wasn't voluntary. It wasn't whole. Rick went to sleep, but he didn't rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com


	15. Day 26-30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick meets with the owner of the hotel, along with Carl's parents and the detective. He and Carl have a discussion about the implications of Rick's actions. He realizes he may not have made the best choices.

When Lori and Shane had finally agreed to have Rick call for external help, Carl had been missing for a little over the week. By the time the owner of the hotel arrived with the lawyers, it had been two weeks since Carl's disappearance. The detective showed up after Carl had been gone for three weeks.

Rick felt unqualified and inadequate somehow when the owner showed up. "Why didn't you call as soon as it happened?" The man had asked. "We could face a major lawsuit." Rick didn't really have a good answer. Whether Carl's disappearance was his fault or not, he should've called--if not to establish his innocence and trustworthiness at least. He'd made a mistake. The owner didn't exactly criticize him, but he wasn't happy. Rick tried to argue that he'd wanted to call from the beginning, and that the boy had only been gone for a week. It wasn't his fault that two weeks had passed as all of the necessary third parties travelled to the island.

The man's mood had improved when Shane and Lori discussed how helpful Rick and all of the staff had been, but they were all strongly reprimanded—Rick most of all. Rick had been mistaken if he thought he was in the clear for what he’d done. If his boss was already angry with him for not contacting help, then what would the detective say? He was so fucking stupid not to call the police immediately, but it couldn’t have gone any other way. He would have to ride it out.

The lawyers left after a few days since Shane and Lori were very clear from the beginning that they weren't interested in pressing charges. Nobody really knew what they were dealing with anyhow. Nobody could prove murder, kidnapping, suicide, accidental death, running away...there was just no trace of Carl. It would be one thing if they were back at home...the possibilities were endless since witnesses, easy access to police, and technology was everywhere. But in an isolated space, where one could only leave by plane or boat, and where the next island wasn't for miles, and where there were only so many places to hide...there weren't really that many possibilities. More accurately, there weren't that many possibilities that resulted in Carl's safe recovery. In one way that should've made it easier, but on the other hand there was no proof of anything which made the detective's job that much harder.

\---

On the day that the detective arrived, Rick did the same thing that he had done almost every morning for the past month. He brought Carl breakfast. Rick would place a hand on the door knob, and hesitate; he didn't want to annoy Carl or bother him. Enduring Carl's anger, and hearing his insults was more painful than any consequence or punishment Rick would face if he were to be caught. Rick hated that Carl hated him. It was taxing on the mind to know that the one person he loved more than anything couldn't stand him.

Rick entered, discovering that Carl was still asleep. He wondered if he should wake Carl up or let him be. Rick decided on the latter; he missed seeing Carl, and hearing his voice. He was on guard though. Sometimes Carl was aggressive, and other times he was docile. Rick never knew which one to be prepared for.

"Carl, I brought you something to eat," Rick whispered.

Carl opened his eyes, adjusting to the situation. He looked at Rick, and then at the plate, frowning. He rolled over and went back to sleep.

Rick nodded to himself, setting the plate onto the floor. It was better than what could've happened.

Rick couldn't stop thinking about Carl's list. It had been on his mind for the past week. The boy wanted to be out. That hurt more than Rick was willing to admit. It would be so easy to just let Carl walk down the path. Away from him. Back home. Back to his parents, and his old life. Rick wished it were that simple. On one hand he had accepted that he'd be caught, and he understood what that meant, but on the other hand, he was nervous. Especially with the addition of his boss and the detective to the mix. If Rick could guarantee that Carl's parents were worthy of him, and they wouldn't be cruel, Rick believed that he would be able to let Carl go. It just wasn't like that, though. Carl was better off staying with him.

Still, Rick was starting to see that Carl was right. He was 15...in high school. He needed to go home. He just couldn't quite understood Carl completely. When Rick was 15, he wished someone would've offered him an escape from his life. If he'd met someone like Carl then? Oh boy, he wouldn't have dreamed of leaving. It was difficult to understand why Carl would rather be with his parents than him.

 

When Rick got to the hotel, he was surprised to see that Carl's parents were already there, along with the hotel owner and presumably the detective. Rick grimaced as he overheard his boss addressing Shane and Lori in the presence of the detective:

"It's my own fault, really. I should've had more employees...more people to look out for your son. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and Rick's been with us for 15 years. Nothing happens on this island without him knowing about it."

Rick blanched at that proclamation, especially since the detective chose then to notice his entrance. The woman gazed at him questioningly. The answer was staring them all in the face, and only the detective had caught on, and she hadn't even formally met Rick yet. The owner continued, "I promise I'll notify our hiring agency that we need a permanent security position, and at least 5 more staff. I truly hope we'll find your boy."

"Thank you, Hershel," Lori said. "Oh, look. Rick's here now," she said to the detective. "He's the one who's been helping."

 

Rick had always liked Hershel; on the exterior, the man was all business, and a little stern, but on the inside, Hershel cared about everyone. He wanted that boy to be found, not just to avoid a lawsuit, but because he was decent. He'd given Shane and Lori full refunds on their stay, and he'd offered them unlimited access to the island, including the gift shop, and the spa. He understood that was no consolation for losing their son, but he had to thank them for not blaming him and the hotel somehow. If Rick were to be caught, losing Hershel's respect would be one of the biggest consequences. His fellow staff was like his family, and he didn't want to be considered a criminal in their eyes.

 

The detective looked at Rick strangely. Rick didn't like the feeling that the look gave him. This detective obviously didn't trust him.

"Rick," Hershel greeted. "This is Carol Peletier. She specializes in missing children."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," Rick greeted. He was apprehensive of the woman; she seemed serious. Competent. He was annoyed that he hadn't been in on the investigation now that the detective was involved, but he had to play it cool. Hershel had been more or less running things now. Rick had only seen the detective from afar, and he hadn't taken it upon himself to introduce himself. He kept his distance.

Carol nodded, smiling politely out of obligation.

"Why don't you bring Rick here up to speed about your plan of attack, Carol." Hershel suggested.

Shane and Lori had their arms around each other.

Rick noticed that they looked on edge. Nervous. He got the feeling that Carol had questioned them about what had taken so long for them to involve law enforcement. He realized that he was about to be questioned.

"I'll be investigating the west side, and the staff housing. I know you have several storage sheds on that side of the island, as well. Then," Carol paused, referencing the notes she'd made, "There's the east side, the hotel, the cabins, and all other buildings. Both searches of both sides of the island will involve the woods and vegetation."

Rick nodded in understanding. "Sounds like a good plan. Do you need me to get a search party together?"

Carol frowned, "All right, let's cut the shit."

Rick felt the blood drain out of his face. What was this?

The woman continued, "Not to be harsh, but I'm not sure why you waited this long to call me. It's already been 3 weeks, and I'm not sure what you expect me to find."

Rick bristled, "We called you two weeks ago. At the time, the boy'd only been missing a few days."

Carol crossed her arms defensively.

Shane stepped in, "It was my idea not to call you. I insisted. I knew I could find him without help ...if he was here. I'm a policeman myself."

Carol shook her head, "Please. I'm not confident there'll even be anything to find. It doesn't matter whether it was a week or 5 years. If you're a policeman, you should know the ideal search window for missing children."

Shane glared at the woman, and looked away. Rick knew that Carol was right. He'd tried to convince Shane that they couldn't do it alone, but he'd failed. Shane listened to Carol.

The woman continued, "That boy is either dead, or long gone. There's no way he could be hiding in those woods without leaving trails and evidence. If you didn't find him, how do you figure I will?"

Rick remained silent; he'd learned that opening your mouth was the worst thing you could do in a tricky situation. It was best to keep quiet.

"Listen, lady--" Shane began.

Carol rolled her eyes, "Something's fishy around here."

"Ma'am?" Hershel asked.

Lori butt in, "What do you mean?"

Carol crossed her arms, "I'm not afraid to say what I think, and I think that someone here is not telling the full story."

Shane frowned, "That's ridiculous."

"Listen," Carol continued, "Waiting so long to call me looks very bad. None of you called your family. Rick, the only authority on the island didn't even call you," she addressed Hershel for a moment, "You didn't call the cops, you didn't call home to see if your son was already there, you took it upon yourselves to search for a boy without even telling anybody? What's wrong with you people?"

Nobody answered. Carol held her hands out in exasperation, "What am I supposed to do three weeks later? Three weeks is plenty of time to hide the body. Don't you think? Not to mention the boy admitted to being gay hours before his disappearance, and Mr. Walsh, you've done nothing to conceal your disgust about that. Did you have something to do with it? Your wife seems awfully afraid of you. She barely speaks," Carol argued.

"How'd you know about that?" Shane asked Carol. He looked to Rick questioningly.

"I told her," Hershel stepped in. "Rick told me when he was explaining the situation, and I had no choice but to disclose the details."

"That's ridiculous. This has nothing to do with us," Shane argued. "We didn't do a thing to that boy."

Rick bit his tongue.

Hershel sighed.

Carol continued her criticism, ignoring Shane's question, "And you," she pointed to Rick, "How shitty are you at your job that you just let this go on? Did you even suspect these two? You might have wanted to call. But you didn't."

Rick looked at Carol softly, "I am sorry. Maybe you're right. I should've done more."

Shane glared at Carol, ignoring her accusations and hurling one of his own at her, "Why didn't you bring more people with you? To search more effectively."

"If you'd reported Carl missing formally within 48 hours of his disappearance," Carol began. "Yeah, maybe I would've brought a few people. Now?" She huffed. "I'm looking for a ghost."

Lori put her hands over her eyes. "She's right, Shane."

"Am I under arrest?" Shane asked. "Are we all under arrest? You seem to have the case all figured out."

Carol shrugged, "Not yet."

"If you're so sure," Rick gritted his teeth, "That the poor kid is dead, why even bother lookin'? You sound like you've made up your mind here. You won't find anything if you don't want to."

Shane and Lori looked to Rick, surprised. They could tell Rick was working hard to be polite, but his anger lurked under the surface. They knew that Rick was taking the loss of their son seriously, but the effort was a little misplaced. They knew Carl was gone, and it was time to accept it.

"I'd love to find that boy," Carol claimed. "To know what happened would really take a load off my mind, but I just don't know if it's worth it to look around here anymore."

"You haven't even begun to search," Rick urged. "What if he's here? Maybe our searching wasn't good enough. You're a trained professional."

Shane and Lori looked doubtful, "We searched for days," Lori whispered. "If he was here...we would've found him."

Rick nodded thoughtfully, "That's true," he sighed. "I just wanted to find him. I...I let you down." He was so close to closing the deal. Lori and Shane were days away from leaving, and nobody even believed that Carl could be alive. Rick was so guilt-ridden. He didn't believe it was worth it. The superiority and pride of getting away with this crime was nice; he felt capable. But what he was doing to Carl... it wasn't right. Not even just the guilt, though. It was more than that. Rick was disgusted with everybody, Lori and Shane most of all. Nobody fucking cared, and it was a hard truth to swallow. Rick put his hand across his eyes, squeezing his temples, and then removing the hand. Even the detective was giving up. Was he the only one who cared to search for lost children?

Rick would've hugged Lori and Shane if he'd been in a different mood. In the earlier days of the investigation, when he was playing the part, he would've done anything he could to get on their good side. Now he didn't give a shit. He'd grown to see that Lori was decent. Imperfect, definitely, but nothing like Shane. Rick had to admit that they were the perfect parents to mess with. Shane harboured so much resentment and anger toward Carl for his sexuality, in combination with his naturally brusque personality. Lori was deeply concerned, but too much of a follower to really take charge. Not to mention, Shane was an egotistical cop. If it had been any other couple, the authorities would've been contacted immediately, and Rick would've been discovered a kidnapper. Rick had felt lucky in the beginning, but now it just seemed ridiculous, and infuriating. No wonder so many children went missing all the time, he thought. No wonder Daryl had slipped through the cracks. Daryl was just like Carl in a way, taken. Rick had been the only one to look for Daryl; he was the only one that cared about finding suspects. It was the same with Carl--he was the only one that really cared, and that was sad.

"I'm going back to my cabin then," Rick shrugged. "If we're not going to be searching for the boy, all of my duties here are done," Rick announced.

Carol nodded, "I'll be in touch once I decide what I'm going to need."

Hershel nodded understandingly, "Thank you, Rick."

He walked away from the hotel, probably for the last time. If he did what was right, and let Carl go, he wasn't going to be going back to the island ever again; he'd be leaving in cuffs.

 

Rick pondered the dilemma on his walk back to Carl. If he kept Carl, he was a kidnapper, and immoral. If he let Carl go, he'd be releasing the boy back into the arms of neglectful and hateful parents--ones who'd barely looked for him or had any hope that he could still be alive. Carl would return to "real life" at high school with no friends, and nobody to even care. Could Rick do that if it was what Carl wanted? He clenched his fists. If he just left Carl's door unlocked, and Carl got out, would he still be accountable? Rick wondered. Would it be his responsibility that Carl would no longer be safe on the island. Rick sighed. What was he supposed to do? Carl wanted out. He wanted to be with his parents. Should Rick trust the boy's judgment and move on, or restrict him from living that life? Rick just didn't know. What it really came down to was not wanting Carl to leave. For any reason. Maybe the parent thing was just an excuse, he realized. Maybe he just didn't want to be lonely anymore.

 

Rick was pleased to see that Carl had finished his bagel from the morning. He hadn’t been gone that long, so he was surprised that Carl had even woken up.

“Hey,” Rick greeted, stepping into Carl’s small space.

Carl sat up, eye flickering to his open journal. He closed it nonchalantly.

Rick didn’t comment, “How are you today?”

Carl grunted, “As long as I’m here…”

Rick nodded, not really in acceptance, but acknowledgement.

“What’s going on today?" Carl wondered

“You mean with you parents?” Rick stalled.

The boy narrowed his eyes, “Are they,” he looked away for a second. “Are they still here?”

The man sighed, taking a seat on the floor—in between freedom and Carl’s room. Carl looked over Rick’s head, imagining jumping over him to escape. He bet that Rick would grab him. Let him, try, Carl thought. It didn’t matter if his parents were there, if he could make the staff see him, or somebody, at least. He could be free, and Rick would be caught.

Carl snapped back to the conversation when Rick answered his question, “Yes,” Rick admitted. “They’re here. With the detective, and the hotel owner.”

Carl’s eyes widened in hope, “They’re still looking?”

Rick leaned his head onto his hand, and rested his elbow on his leg. “Yes, and no.”

“I hate telling you this kind of stuff, Carl,” Rick pleaded. “It makes it sound like I’m justifyin’ keeping you here, but I’m telling you the truth.”

“Whatever,” Carl said. “Maybe they’re here, maybe they left after the first week. I don’t trust you, no matter what kind of shit you bring me,” Carl flung his pillow at Rick, followed by the chocolate bars and the iPod in a burst of frustration. The iPod cracked noticeably against the concrete. Carl looked at it smugly, but his cheeks tinged with embarrassment. He was only hurting himself by breaking anything, he realized. Now he wouldn’t even be able to listen to music. Fuck.

Rick exhaled slowly, “They’re gettin’ ready to leave. It’s been about 3 weeks since I—”

“Kidnapped me,” Carl supplied.

Rick gestured the word away with his hand, “The detective hasn’t found anything. She thinks you’re dead, and she’s convinced your parents too.”

Carl bit his lip. His heart sank. “This is your fault,” Carl cried. “You keep me here, so I can’t even speak to them. Then you blame them for giving up or for believing that I’m dead. What do you expect?”

“I see what you’re saying, but it’s not that simple. In the beginning, it had only been a few hours, and they said it for themselves, ‘he better be hurt or dead’.”

“That’s just my dad,” Carl argued. “He didn’t mean it like that. If I had the chance I could get them to accept what I told them. I could make them understand…Now?” Carl bit his lip.

“It means that you hiding as a reaction to their unacceptance was an inconvenience,” Rick said. “They would’ve rather you be dead than actually be who you are. They’d rather find your dead body than show that they care enough to give you attention. Don’t you see that?”

“But I wasn’t hiding! You have me!” Carl screamed, getting up off the bed.

Rick smiled, “Exactly. What if you had been hiding, and they eventually found you. Or what if you were dead, and they’d found your body. Sure they’d feel guilty if you were dead. Fuck, they might even blame themselves,” Rick said serenely. “If you were hiding? They would’ve treated you like shit. Especially your dad. He’ll never accept you,” Rick stood up to face Carl. “I’m sorry, Carl. It’s the truth. Your parents are leaving the island any time now, and people are giving up. Nobody cares!”

Carl backed away from Rick in horror.

“I did come in here to let you out. But...” Rick explained calmly. “I love you so much, Carl. I can’t stand how your parents gave up, or the lazy detective. I couldn’t stand to see you go back to them. I’d rather have you be miserable and locked up than see you go back to those people.”

“You’re just like them,” Carl said through tears. “They’d rather have me dead than accept me for who I am. You’d rather trap me and ruin my life than be alone.”

Rick glared. “I want you to be safe. Accepted.”

“Yeah, well I’m not safe, Rick,” Carl seethed. “You don’t accept my choice just like they don’t. I wanted to back with them, and give them a chance. My mom was coming around. You won't give me a chance to try. Now I’m locked in room that’s 500 fucking degrees, and I can’t even shower. You’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

Rick stood up and crossed his arms. He stared at Carl trying to think of the proper words to say. Rick had never expected Carl to be fully convinced that staying on the island was the right thing, especially not after everything that had happened. He had, however, hoped that Carl would come around to at least understand why he'd done it. Rick had hoped that Carl would understand why he kidnapped him. Rick realized that he was further away from getting Carl to understand than he'd been in the beginning. All he'd kept Carl safe from was nothing. Carl was hurt and angry. He believed that nobody loved him or accepted him. The man dug his nails into his arm. He remembered the words he'd spat at Carl about nobody caring. If he loved Carl so much how could he hurt him like that? It was disgusting.

Carl looked away from Rick. More than he hated Rick, he hated himself for not hating Rick more. What was wrong with him? He couldn't even fully hate his captor.

Rick was about to justify his actions, but when he searched for the words, he realized there were none. He'd made a mistake. Carl was the only one making any sense.

 

“You’re right,” Rick realized. He looked at Carl up and down. “You…you’re right, Carl. I don’t want to be lonely,” Rick admitted, running fingers through his hair. “Maybe it’s not really about your parents. It’s about me.”

Carl didn't turn to face Rick immediately. He processed the man's words for a few seconds, and then nodded. “You can’t accept that you let Daryl go, and now you can’t let me go. I would’ve come back,” he shook his head. “I never break a promise. And now? I can’t even look at you,” Carl whispered.

"I'm sorry, Carl."

"For what?" Carl asked.

"Everything."

 

Rick straightened out his button-up shirt, and adjusted the watch on his wrist. “I’ll go,” he said quietly. “I’ll be back soon.”

Carl punched the wall as soon as the door was closed. It hurt like a bitch. “What the fuck?” He yelled. “Let me out!” He finally had gotten through to Rick. Was the asshole gonna let him out or what? What does it matter, Carl thought. There was nothing to go back to anyway. Even if Rick’s concern was out of line, and dangerous…maybe it was in the right place. Maybe being on the island would be better than home. “No,” Carl growled, wrestling with himself. “No,” he repeated. “I gotta get out.”

He fell onto the bed, resigned. “Fuck this,” he muttered, reaching for a chocolate bar from the ground. He leaned over to the cooler that Rick had put in his room, full of Cokes and cheese strings. He took out one of each. Maybe if I get really fat he won’t want me anymore, Carl thought to himself, smirking. Nah. Rick wasn’t like that. And Carl wanted to stay the same. He wouldn’t lose himself. No matter how long Rick kept him.

 

 

Rick was bracing himself over the kitchen sink, his mind full of courses of action and justification for everything he'd done and would do. He thought of Daryl and how much it had hurt to lose him. He could’ve protected Daryl. He was protecting Carl to make up for it, but Carl didn’t see it as protection. Rick couldn’t help but smile when he thought of how quickly Daryl would’ve caught on to this game if he were searching those woods. It would’ve taken him half a day to say that the boy had never been in the woods. Daryl would’ve found Carl within a few hours. He missed that man. Rick was interrupted by a knock at his door.

"No," Rick breathed. This was it. The detective finally came to search his home. Carl would be gone any moment--that would be the true punishment, not jail.

"Hi," Carol greeted when Rick finally opened the door.

Rick kept his face calm. It had only been 2 hours since he'd seen the woman at the hotel office. What was she doing here so quickly? I thought she was leaving, Rick thought.

"Would you like to come in?" Rick offered.

"Not really," The woman admitted, watching Rick's face and body language carefully.

"Oh," Rick looked at his feet and then back at the detective, "I thought you'd want to search my home and property."

"I've seen enough, to be honest," Carol shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, the investigation's closed. There's nothing here. The boy's gone."

"Geez," Rick blurted. "Just like that? What's your conclusion?"

"I'd bet any money that the kid drowned. I questioned everybody. Nobody even knew the boy except those three that you and the father already mentioned. They didn't know anything. Really, it all adds up."

"What?" Rick said. He was confused.

"Sure," Carol began. "Carl met those kids once or twice, likes being away from his parents, and maybe finds out he doesn't like the other guys too much...and with a history of sneaking out and no friends, he probably just went to the beach to be by himself. The mother even said his bed was empty another morning, but he turned up. This time? He wasn't so lucky. Being alone by the water isn't safe, and there's nowhere else for him to be. So," Carol shrugged, "Case closed. I'm going home."

Rick let out his breath, "That fast? You've only been here since the morning."

"It's been more than a week. Plus, it's a small island," Carol sighed. "No boats were missing, the pilot hadn't seen the kid, nobody saw or heard anything, all the huts were clean, all the rooms were vacant, all the cabins were locked up, the storage sheds were unhabitable, and the woods were empty. That boy evaporated," Carol shrugged.

"Yeah," Rick agreed. "But there's really no-no chance at all? You're just giving up after a few hours?

Carol shifted her weight, "I know how you must feel. It looks like I'm not doing my job or that I don't care."

Rick shrugged, waiting for her to continue.

"I've worked cases for months. I've seen cases go on for years because the parents refuse to give up. I've seen cases solved in a few hours. I've worked them all, Rick," Carol explained. "This one is different. This island doesn't have cameras or security except in the hotel, and that's clean. Barely any inhabitants. There's no way for an outsider to come in 3 weeks into a disappearance and perform a miracle. The parents are apathetic at most, and the staff is cooperative, sure, but what am I supposed to do? He's just not here. I've spent a lot of time chasing after children. Sometimes you just have to let them go."

Rick frowned, "Can I offer you a drink at least, to thank you for coming out here?"

Carol shook her head, "The only reason I'm here to tell you all of this in person is because you've been involved from the start. Usually I wouldn't involve somebody that wasn't need-to-know, but this situation is a little different.

"Course," Rick agreed bitterly. "Have a safe trip back, then."

The woman nodded, shoving her hands into her pockets and walking back up the path. She glanced back at the property, scanning.

Rick narrowed his eyes. Why was the lady leaving if she obviously still had suspicions? He'd prepared himself for the worst, and now the detective was just leaving. What was the point of any of this? What if Carl had screamed or yelled to voice his presence? Rick shook his head. That was a ridiculously close call.

Rick made sure that Carol was really gone, and then he flew down the stairs.

 

 

Carl jumped back when Rick whipped open the door.

"You're not gonna believe this," Rick started.

Carl frowned. "Did I miss something?"

Rick shook his head in disbelief, "You are the worst at being kidnapped, I swear to God."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"The detective was just at the door. You'd been yellin' only seconds before, and then you stopped just in time for her to knock."

Carl stared blankly at the man. "You're not serious."

Rick held up his hands, "She came to tell me personally that she ended the investigation, and she's going home."

Carl held his expression. "You're sick to come report shit like that to me. What do you want me to say? 'Congratulations, you won'?"

"I think it's better that you know what's going on so you don't become hopeful for no reason."

"What happened to you thinking about letting me go. That only happened like 10 minutes ago. What changed?"

"I don't know if I've changed my mind, Carl," Rick admitted. "I want you to stay with me, but not like this. What kind of compromise is there?"

Carl frowned, he leaned over his bed to get a bottle of water, "You know? I can't believe I'm even being nice to you. It's like every time you come in here, I forget what you are. I just see the man I met in the woods. The one who saved me. I'm fighting so hard to hate you, and every time you even say anything, I can't find it in myself to despise you like I know I should. I don't know how you do that. You make people trust you so completely. To the point where you come in here to tell me that my family doesn't want me," Carl pointed at his chest for emphasis. He clenched his fist, "You come in here to tell me that 'nobody cares'. The investigation's over," Carl huffed, "And I just sit here and take it, like I deserve it. I haven't even tried to escape, except like one time. I haven't hit you, or attacked you, or...or anything."

Rick watched Carl fascinated. "You peed on me.”

Carl flushed. "That was a mistake."

“You do hate me. I can tell,” Rick argued. “You may feel something for who you thought I was, but it’s obvious you hate who I am now.”

Carl blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek, "No, I don't. It makes me sick to my fucking stomach."

Rick blinked in surprised. Carl didn't hate him?

"I would've come back for you," Carl shook his head, trying to cover his face with his hand. "You think it's a lie...but I would've. I just needed to prove to myself that you weren't right about my parents. I could've made my dad love me. I could've got my mom to stand up and to-and to accept me more. I wanted to at least try. Now I won't even get the chance. It was hard knowing I'd have to leave you, but like you said...I did expect you to understand. I wanted you to be the only one who would understand, and I wanted you to wait for me. I was going to wait for you too. Even in the few days that we knew each other...I loved you so much."

"I ruined everything," Rick hung his head. He stepped toward Carl with a hand held out.

"No," Carl growled, "Get away from me." The boy paused before adding, "I may not hate you, but that doesn't mean you get to do that.

Rick froze. He couldn't do this anymore. Having Carl angry at him was too much. Hearing the truth of how deeply he'd hurt Carl disgusted him. The boy was so pure and loving, and he didn't deserve to be treated like this. Kept in a cell. Lonely. Left behind. Rick hated himself.

"Yeah," Carl said when Rick started to back out of the room. "Coward. Just like I said before. You always run away. You can't even handle the truth. Just close the door and pretend I'm not here. Come back in a few hours and try again. Nothing will change," Carl said.

Rick didn't argue. He just left. Carl needed to be let go. This had gone on long enough.

Rick didn't lock the door when he left. He would never lock that door again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimesobcest.tumblr.com
> 
> xx
> 
> only a couple more chapters to go :)


	16. Day 34 Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head on the island. Is Carl going to escape his prison before Rick changes his mind? What will he think of the man now that his wish to be released has been granted? Can he forgive Rick or will he condemn him?

Rick left the cabin immediately after leaving Carl's room. He didn't want to be around when Carl escaped. He had work to do anyway.

\--

Carl stared at the door of his room. The frustration simmered beneath his skin, but he couldn't act on it. He wrote in his journal. He just let the words flow onto the pages without giving them a second that. Carl fell asleep a couple hours after Rick left, not having much else to do.

He woke up too quickly. Ever since he'd been locked up, he could never sleep long. A dream, or an invading thought from his conscience always woke him up. Carl sighed, looking around the cell. It was so dark in the room that Carl could almost feel the air weighing on him. He felt around the floor for the lamp. He was relieved when he clicked it on. Sometimes he half expected Rick to be standing there menacingly, waiting to assault him. Carl knew Rick would never do that, but he had also never thought that Rick could kidnap him...so what did he know, right? Rick could do anything. Carl had to keep reminding himself of that. Just because Rick was nice didn't mean he was good. Carl hadn't been lying when he told Rick how he felt. He didn't hate the man, and that made him hate himself. What kind of pathetic little boy was he that he couldn't even hate his captor? Rick was a liar, and a criminal. He was manipulating everyone on the island into trusting him, but he justified everything. Sometimes he had bouts of guilt, and sure, he "felt bad". Please, Carl thought. What a joke. Rick was a piece of shit.

Carl kept thinking about what Rick said about letting him out. He wondered if Rick would actually keep his word. Probably not. He was almost in the clear; he'd almost gotten away with the crime. What would be the point of giving up and letting me go, Carl wondered. What if he loves me, Carl speculated, and he feels bad? True, maybe Rick's guilt would get the best of him, and he'd have to let Carl go. Maybe Rick would realize he loved Carl too much to keep him trapped.

Carl looked up at the vents and saw daylight. It always felt like nighttime in the cell. Not much natural light got in. The only reason he knew the time was because of the alarm clock Rick had given him. It said 3:04. Another day almost gone.

The boy sat up. He liked to do a few exercises when he knew he was alone. Stretching and jumping jacks mostly, sometimes a few pushups or sit-ups. It made him feel productive. Otherwise he just wrote in his journal. He'd filled the first one completely, and he was part way through the second. Carl could admit that he didn't have it too bad in Rick's place...the man gave him food, and had spent all day installing a pretty sweet toilet. Rick was pretty nice, and Carl knew that the man slept outside his door. He resisted calling it cute, and opted to call it creepy, but he didn't really think it was that creepy. Maybe odd, but kind of nice. He didn't like to be too alone. And Rick wasn't _that_ bad. He wasn't really mean or scary. Just no-nonsense. Very fatherly. Carl wrote a lot about Rick in his book.

Before the island, Carl hadn't been a big fan of reading or writing, preferring video games and listening to music...watching YouTube videos. Just typical stuff that people did. He would've never called himself creative, but boredom and lack of options got the best of him. He'd written down descriptions of his parents, so he would never forget them. He'd tried drawing pictures of them too, but those weren't the best. He'd written down everything that happened Rick since day one, so he'd always know what happened--kind of in case Rick manipulated him into forgetting the past, or if he was locked up too long to remember the beginning days. Sometimes he wrote down what he ate, or what he thought. Sometimes he'd write a number from 1-10 on the top corner of the page. He hated to admit that it was a rating of Rick's appearance on that particular day. In the beginning a lot of them were two's and three's since he was angry with the man. Day 12 the man got his first 6.

When Carl was finished with his stretches, he flipped to the current page in his journal. He wrote a 4 in the corner, and then he scratched it out. He wasn't in the mood to rate Rick. He didn't even know why he did it. It was dumb.

He sighed in resignation and put a 7.9 in the corner. He smiled morbidly at his unhealthy actions. Instead of rating Rick he should be writing all the reasons he hated him, but he'd already done that... almost 32 times. After a while you kind of run out of original things to say. The list hadn't been very long to begin with. Once in a while he tried new lists to make. Reasons why Rick did it. Reasons why his parents sucked. Pros and cons of staying on the island. Carl always felt the most guilty after writing the nice lists. Rick did not deserve his kindness. The boy couldn't help but feel bad for the man, though. Rick was impossible not to like. He'd lost Daryl and overcome so many obstacles to become a brave, hardworking man, and he cared so much that it drove him over the edge. Carl felt guilty for wanting to leave in the first place...if he hadn't abandoned Rick, then Rick wouldn't have had to keep him.

Carl scoffed, opening the book again in disgust. Fuck, he thought, looking through all the pages of his journal. How could he justify Rick's actions? How could he not hate him. His own actions were what concerned Carl the most. He should've overtaken Rick weeks ago, and rejected the gifts. He should've made life a living hell for the man, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Carl rolled his eyes. Whatever. He always knew he was fucked up. Leave it to him to fall for a psycho.

He closed the book and sat up again. He was bored, and pissed. Rick had been kind of rude. Carl frowned. He kicked the door lightly. It was the only thing keeping him in there. Stupid door.

The door rattled, but not in the stiff way it usually did. Carl froze in his place, regarding the door. It was loose.

Carl reached his hand out slowly, gripping the knob. He twisted the metal in his hands, eyes widening as it spun. He held the door in place for a moment, and then he pushed the door outward.

Fresh air was the first thing he noticed. Rick's windows were open.

"Yes!" Carl cried, tears flowing freely. Tears of joy. He was out. It was unbelievable. Had Rick done this intentionally? Carl decided, yes. Rick didn't want to actually let him go, but let him realize he could go. Rick was probably long gone from the island, Carl realized. Wouldn't want to be caught. Knowing Rick was gone was bittersweet. He wanted to thank him for letting him go, but also kill him, and maybe even say sorry for wanting to leave in the first place. It was his fault... if he hadn't wanted to go, none of this would've happened. No, Carl shook his head. That wasn't true. Rick didn't have to take him. But still.

When Carl got outside, he didn't take the path. He didn't want to run into Rick in case the man changed his mind. Carl stuck to the woods, only a few metres from the path so he could still follow it.

He stopped when he heard voices. He was almost at the path's end.

"I don't see why we have to go to Rick's home," Lori said quietly.

Shane frowned, "He didn't do nothin'."

Carl's eyes widened as he finally saw his parents. He was seconds away from revealing himself when the strange woman spoke.

"I think that guy's hiding something. I don't know. I just feel it."

"Our son his dead," Lori said. "He's been dead this whole time."

Shane shook his head, "Maybe even before then."

"Pardon?" The woman asked.

"Oh, nothin'," Shane waved it away. "The stuff we already talked about."

"Your son being gay means he was dead?" Carol raised her eyebrows disgustedly. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"I had nothing to do with it," Shane argued. "I want to find him."

"Really," Lori pleaded. "Shane doesn’t mean that. He’s just…the loss is getting to us. He was with me the whole time Carl went missing too. I promise you that. If you really think it's Rick then let's go."

"You won't be coming in with me," Carol corrected. "You'll stand outside and wait. I'm keeping an eye on you two until I'm finished. As far as I'm concerned, everyone is a suspect."

Carl watched the interaction in disgust. He had been moments away from running into his parent's arms, and then he realized. Rick wasn't lying at all. His parents really weren't invested in the search at all, and the detective was so odd. Didn't she need a warrant to search Rick's place? This was complete bullshit. Who the fuck was this crooked cop?

Carl's stomach dropped. Hearing about how cold his father was through Rick was one thing, but hearing his own dad speak the words was an entirely different story. His dad considered him dead because of his sexuality? What the fuck? Carl deliberated. He saw how hurt his mother had looked when his dad had spoken. He knew he had been right to think that his mom could come around, but he was torn. He wanted to announce his presence so desperately. This was what he'd been waiting for. He'd been dying to see his parents and put things right. But now that he knew Rick wasn't a liar, he felt...not bad, but he didn't necessarily want his parents to find that room in Rick's house. Knowing them, they'd think that Carl had been there willingly, living out some gay fantasy. Carl sighed, gripping his hair and pulling it in distress. Fucking Rick. He couldn't let the detective find his room. He had to protect the man. He sprinted back the way he'd come. He needed to clean up the evidence from Rick's house. The man was going to be alone. That was punishment enough, Carl decided. He didn't need to go to prison.

 

The boy entered the house in a panic; he needed to be in and out in seconds.

He ripped up the bed, racing to put the blankets and pillows on Rick's bed as if they belonged there. He collected the books and journals and put them on the shelf in Rick’s office. He decided against moving the cooler. It would eat up too much time. He gathered the alarm clock, lamp, and clothes, tossing them into Rick's closet. Nothing except the toilet, toilet paper, the fans and the cooler remained in that room. Carl bit his lip anxiously. The cooler looked so weird in the room. He did his best to drag it out, but he only got it a few feet out the door before it became too heavy. He shoved it up against the wall. Now that room just looked like a weird second bathroom. Carl sighed. Rick fucking owed him so much. He was going to blackmail him or something for sure. Get some money out of the prick.

Carl raced up the stairs, checking the windows to make sure that his parents weren't gonna see him making a run for it. He just cleared the property and got into the trees when he saw his parents and the detective walk up. He waited breathlessly on the periphery of the trees for an hour, waiting for them to come out. Carl wasn't sure why his parents had gone in. The detective had said they shouldn't. He wondered if his quick clean-up would be enough. Carl gasped when he saw Rick walk up the path. The man looked pissed. Carl knew that Rick knew his house was being invaded.

Rick scanned his property, and entered his home slowly.

Carl wished he could’ve seen the man in action. Rick was badass when he wanted to be. He smirked when he saw Rick again.

"How is this legal?" Rick yelled at Carol.

Carl watched in intrigue as everyone exited the house.

Carl was shocked to see the woman keep her cool. She looked tough--as if she'd been through some shit. Carl was surprised that anyone had the guts to go toe to toe with Rick; he wore a machete on his belt for Christ's sake. But, Carl had to remind himself that this is what he wanted. The detective obviously cared about finding him if she was willing to break the law. She saw through Rick, Carl realized in delight, but it made him nervous for some reason. He felt sick to think of Rick being taken away by the woman. Carl bit his nails as he watched the interaction unfold.

"I had a special warrant drawn up," Carol explained. "This isn't like other cases. Islands are different than mainland."

"This true, Shane?" Rick asked, pointing at the man.

Shane held up his hands, "I guess, man. I'm small-town. Never heard of it. But it's possible."

Rick looked livid, "Why were you two in there? You ain't part of this."

"I needed to watch them," Carol explained. "I told them that all of you are suspects."

Rick snorted, "I've been helping since the beginning. We've all been working together to find that boy, and this is what I get?" Rick took a step toward Carol.

Carol put a hand on her weapon.

"And what did you find in the house?" Rick growled. "Nothing I bet?"

Carl covered his mouth. Rick was bluffing so hard, it was actually impressive to watch.

"Yeah," Carol said, taking a step back from Rick. "No sign of the boy."

"And you can tell that from just a quick look around?" Rick criticized. "No DNA samples? What kind of work are you doing here?"

Rick looked around the property skeptically. His body was so tense and full of adrenaline. He knew that as soon as Carol was out of sight he was going to puke his guts out. What the fuck was Carol talking about she didn't find anything? Did she not check the room? What the hell was going on? Rick wondered if this was a sick joke. A test for him. Maybe they already had Carl, and they wanted him to admit it.

"I don't get a special team," Carol explained. "I have to rely on judgment. And if you want to be picky with my work, maybe I’ll ask you a few questions. Starting with why you have a cooler in the middle of your basement, and a room with a toilet and sheets on the wall. I wasn’t gonna say anything, but maybe I should be asking these questions."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Rick said, walking toward his house. "You go into my house without permission, and you question why I have a bathroom and a cooler? What kind of detective are you?” Rick criticized. He was beginning to sweat. This was all too close. He continued to look around the perimeter of his yard out of the corner of his eye. Where the hell had Carl gone if he wasn’t with his parents? And why had he cleaned up the room. Was he playing games? Rick’s stomach dropped when a strange idea intruded his mind. What if he’d imagined the whole thing. What if he’d killed Carl in a delusion or something? What if there never had been a room. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. No, that was crazy. Carl was somewhere. He had to be. Rick felt hopeful that Carl really did still love him—if he’d gone through all the trouble of hiding the evidence of his captivity. Rick knew he loved Carl for a reason. The boy was so good. “When are you leaving my island?" Rick pushed since Carol wasn’t answering any of his previous words. "You were supposed to be gone earlier. What even made you come back in the first place?" Rick frowned.

Carol smirked, responding only to Rick's first question. "I'll leave tonight after one last look around."

Rick was surprised that the detective didn’t push the cooler issue. Out of all the things to notice, Rick thought. What a lousy detective. She could’ve looked for Carl’s clothes…those were hanging up in his closet. Maybe Carl had left his journals...those would undoubtedly condemn him, and they'd have Carl’s handwriting. Carl’s DNA was all over the room. All it would've taken was 5 minutes for Carol to whip out a DNA kit, and Rick would've been fucked. He couldn't decide if he was happy that he was still considered innocent. He had Carl to thank for that. 

Rick hoped Carl didn’t hurt himself getting out. A cruel irony would be for Carl to get lost for real, or die for real, and then there would be nobody but Rick to find him. Rick would’ve given his left arm for everybody to leave the island in a instant so he could find Carl. He needed to talk to the boy. He was dying to know why Carl hadn't revealed himself yet. What was the plan?

"And you?" Rick bit at Carl's parents, finally revealing his disdain for them.

"We're... we're leaving too," Lori admitted. “We really appreciate all you’ve done, Rick. I’m so sorry that we couldn’t find him.”

Shane nodded, “It was good of you to help. I… I hate to leave knowing I’ll never see my boy again, but there comes a time when it’s just stupid to hold onto something that ain’t comin’ back. Maybe it’s all for the best.”

Lori wept openly. All she was missing was falling to her knees and howling. Shane just balled his fists. It had been a month. He had to get back to work. They needed to put it behind them. Shane kept shaking his head, as if he was in disbelief.

"I'll be there to see you off," Rick said quietly, turning away. "I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for. I'm shocked actually. I really thought we'd find him." Rick couldn’t help but add, “And I’m sure if he could hear you now, he’d feel really loved, and glad that he confided in you. You both are such understanding and open-minded people,” Rick said sarcastically.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Shane frowned. He took a step toward Rick, but the man was already turning to go inside.

 

Carl watched his parents walk down the path, and he wanted to follow them. He really did. He looked from Rick to his parents, and then back to Rick again. Rick didn't look worried, or scared, or even relieved. He just looked so sad. His posture was noticeably lax, and his shoulders slumped. The man looked tired, and Carl didn't feel happy at all to be free. He was supposed to be reporting Rick. The detective was right there! His parents were right there! All he had to do was step out of the woods, and say Rick had been keeping him. It wasn't even satisfying to imagine though, because he knew Rick wouldn't deny it. He could see that Rick felt horribly. Maybe the man really was lonely, and his intentions hadn't been dishonorable, but desperate. Carl found himself stuck. Was he going to go back with his parents? He obviously wasn't going to tell on Rick; the man already seemed like a wreck. But what was he going to do otherwise? Go back to Rick and stay with him? Carl shook his head. "You're being stupid," he said aloud. "He's a kidnapper.  A freak. Why are you even _thinking_ of going back." Carl pinched himself. He would force himself off the island. He would go with his parents. Screw Rick.

Rick slammed the door, catching Carl's attention again.

Lori and Shane trailed behind the detective, and Carl made a step to follow them. He'd keep himself concealed, and listen to his parents' conversation before really committing. This wasn't to give Rick a chance, but to give himself a chance. Carl had been idealistic before. He knew that. He'd been foolish to think that his parents could be swayed into accepting him. Carl put his head in his hands, frozen once more. "Just go," he encouraged himself. "He'll be fine." No, Carl thought. Rick wouldn't be fine. He could still see his parents through the trees. In a way, he felt intimidated. If he didn't explain that Rick had him, what would his story be? He was hiding in the woods for a month? That would be ridiculous, and his parents would be furious. Would their relief be enough to overshadow their rejection of his sexuality? Carl wanted to think yes, but Rick entered his mind. Rick didn't think Carl's parents would love him. Was Rick right? Carl lost sight of his parents. He looked back to Rick's cabin. The man was gone, and the door was closed. Carl didn't expect that he'd panic. He wasn't scared that Rick was coming to get him; he was upset that the man had just let him go. Rick had gone back inside like it was nothing.

Carl could feel his tears coming on. He'd been crying so much recently. It annoyed him. Why should he be sad? Rick should be sad. His parents should be sad. Not Carl. More than going back to his parents, or more than being free, what he truly wanted was for Rick to come back out of the house. Carl wanted to know what the man thought. Would he realize that Carl had protected him? Would that be enough to make up for Carl's absence. Carl took a step away from the house. It wasn't his job to make sure that Rick felt comfortable. It also wasn't his job to ease Rick's guilt. He didn't regret not telling on Rick though. Rick hadn't really done anything that bad. Especially since the man had let him out. How bad could Rick be? He let Carl go. Carl nodded to himself. Yeah. Rick hadn't hurt him, or deprived him. All Rick had done was be there for him, and accept him when no one else would. Even though Rick couldn't understand why Carl wanted to leave, he eventually came to understand it. Carl smiled. Maybe he owed it to Rick to stay. Maybe he should show Rick that not everybody had to leave. And if he ever wanted to leave again, he could. Carl took a step toward the house.

The more he thought about it, the more his choice became clearer. He didn't like that detective; she'd gone into Rick's home uninvited. And, Carl had to admit, what his parents had been saying really stung. Maybe he'd be ready to see them again one day, but not yet. He wanted to make sure Rick was okay. Carl didn't want to forgive Rick...but he wanted to see him at least. A few last words. Some closure, and then maybe he'd be ready to go.

 Carl felt sick walking up to Rick’s house. He had thought it would be easy, but his body wasn’t reacting well to the decision his mind had made.

Carl walked right into the house. He was quiet, trying to listen for Rick. The house was silent.

The boy crept down the stairs, instinct leading him to his own room. Rick was sitting on the ground, back to the wall, knees bent.

Carl felt giddy when Rick’s face lit up. “Carl,” Rick breathed. “You…you came back.”

The boy nodded. “I don’t really know why,” he admitted. He felt so naked. Vulnerable.

“Why did you hide all of the evidence?” Rick asked hopefully. “The room’s empty…and you didn’t say anything to the detective about me.”

Carl looked away.

“I didn’t deserve that, Carl,” Rick shook his head. “I was ready to be punished.”

“I don’t know why,” Carl repeated. “Um, I kind of just want to take a shower.”

Rick was at a complete loss. He was almost scared. Was Carl playing some game? Rick pictured Carl killing him in his sleep for what he’d done. A quiet revenge.

Rick shook his head in confusion, furrowing his eyebrows, “Wait. No… your parents are leaving. You can’t be here. You have to go with them.”

“I don’t think I can,” Carl admitted.

“No, Carl,” Rick said, getting up. “You have to go. I’m not good for you. I’m not good.”

“Just a shower,” Carl explained.

“Am I missing something?” Rick pushed. “I’m not followin’. At all. You wanted to leave. You begged to leave. I let you go because it was only thing that I could give you that really mattered. I’m sorry, Carl, but why the fuck are you back here? If this is about your parents…”

“I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” Carl admitted. “I owe you that.” He flinched at Rick’s unfriendly words. Why was Rick fighting this?  It was what he wanted all along.

“What?” Rick grimaced. “You don’t owe me anything. You really need to go.”

Carl recoiled, slightly hurt. “What do you mean? I thought the whole point of all of this was you wanting to keep me here. You didn’t want me to go.”

“Carl,” Rick started. “I would give anything for you to stay, but I don’t understand where this is coming from. You haven’t even been gone for that long, and… what changed your mind? I don’t get it.”

Carl crossed his arms. “Now that I want to stay you don't want me?"

"No," Rick said, struggling to get the words out. "I want you so much that it hurts to breathe," Rick said emphatically. "Thinkin' of you leaving was enough to break me, Carl. The only thing that mattered more than you stayin' was you bein' happy. I want you to be happy," Rick stated. "You're not happy with me, and you're not happy with them, but at least you can choose."

Carl crossed his arms, realizing that Rick was right. Was he crazy to have returned? What did he think was going to happen?  Carl hadn't forgotten about everything that had happened, but it all seemed so far away. Rick hadn't really done anything that bad, Carl reasoned with himself. Maybe they could move on.

"Carl," Rick said sharply, "Why haven't you gone to your parents yet?"

The boy shrugged, "I don't know." Carl's voice was barely a whisper. Conflict and confusion were raging inside him. How to leave Rick? How to go back to his hateful father? Carl didn't know what to do.

"Do you love me?" Carl wondered.

Rick stood up. His eyebrows were at the very top of his forehead, and his frown was pronounced. "What kind of a question is that?"

Carl looked away. He picked at the fabric of his shirt. He felt uncontrollably emotional. His skin felt overly sensitive and hot, and his eyes simultaneously watered and burned. Why was this so difficult? His thoughts were screaming at him to leave. His body was tensed for danger, but his heart was suddenly wide open for Rick. He felt such immense guilt for ever thinking of leaving. He was standing before his captor like nothing had ever happened, and his mind was telling him to stay. Rick needs me, Carl thought. I can't leave.

"I love you. Of course I love you," Rick explained. "But you need to go. You need to get out of here, and never look back," Rick said hollowly.

"Are you going to hurt me?" Carl asked sarcastically. He eyed Ricks fists clench, and a shadow fall over the man's face.

Rick stepped towards Carl. Carl cowered noticeably. Rick tilted his head in confusion. “I already hurt you.”

Carl looked at the floor. “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?” He asked calmly.

Rick deliberated, “Huh,” he offered. “I was so surprised to see you. I didn’t even think of that.”

Carl waited for more of an explanation.

The man continued, “I would deserve it. You should-you should do _something_. If you came back here to kill me-”

“No,” Carl interrupted. “I don’t think I should kill you. I wanted to. In the beginning. I wanted you dead yesterday.”

Rick nodded.

Carl frowned, “I keep trying so hard to be pissed at you. I want to feel angry, but I can’t.”

“What?” Rick blurted.

“I don’t want you dead, Rick. I don’t know what I want anymore,” Carl admitted.

“I can’t tell you what you want anymore, Carl. I think…I think you need to get away from this place. It’s not right for you not to be angry. It’s not supposed to be like this,” Rick said thickly.

Carl’s face fell. “What should it be like? I don’t know what to do.”

“Before I did what I did, you wanted to be with your parents, and give them a chance to accept you.”

“But I heard what they said. I watched you all. I heard what my dad thought of me.”

Rick didn’t know what to say.

“I-I wanted to go back with them, but now I don’t think I can. I can’t stay here,” Carl realized. “Where am I supposed to go?” He knew he would’ve had to be insane to want to stay with Rick after everything. It was like a switch had been turned in his mind. He’d spent so much of his captivity thinking of his anger. He raged about what Rick had done to him. The betrayal hadn’t been erased just because Rick had left a door unlocked, but…what was he supposed to do now?

“If I go back with them what do I say?” Carl wondered.

“You tell them what I’ve done,” Rick said simply. “You have to.”

“No,” Carl decided.

“I should tell them,” Rick said suddenly.

“What? No!” Carl argued protectively.

“Carl,” Rick scolded, “I kept you in this room for a month. I took you. I pushed you. Your parents think you’re dead.”

“What if it could be like you said?” Carl whispered. “I can do school from here…”

“Absolutely not,” Rick objected. “I don’t know what this is. I don’t understand why you came back. I don’t know what to say to you, Carl.”

“Fine.”

“Understand, I want you to stay, Carl. I need you. When you tried to leave me the first time, I became somebody that I don’t even--,” Rick dragged his hand across his face. “You’re here now, but…you can’t be here. I stole you. I hurt you. When you leave me this time. The second time. I know it will kill me, but I need to let you go.”

Carl furrowed his brows.

Rick continued speaking, “If you are sure that you did the right thing by protecting me, and if you’re fine with me going unpunished… If that’s what _you_ want. I’ll stay here. I’ll never tell anyone what happened. If that’s what you want.”

Carl nodded hesitantly. Was this what he wanted? Could he see Rick get away with everything that he’d done? How was he going to live out the rest of his life knowing that he helped his captor get away with kidnapping him? Carl didn’t know what to say. The more Rick resisted his change of heart, the more he realized that he was insane. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why had he come back here? What did he expect to happen? Carl sighed deeply. He was so fucked in the head. He’d been struggling with this for days. He still loved the man that Rick had been when they met, but Rick had said it himself; he was unrecognizable now. Carl understood that he couldn’t stay with this man. Rick needed to heal. He needed to face the personal issues that had driven his criminal impulses to surface.

Carl analyzed the situation. He knew that Rick didn’t really deserve to go to jail for this. Underneath it all, Rick had been protective, and misunderstood. Rick was misguided. His troubled past and his desire for control in combination for his deep love for Carl was toxic. Carl didn’t want to punish Rick for loving him too much, but Rick was right. Carl would be leaving a second time. Just not quite yet.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble,” Carl asserted. “It wouldn’t do anything.”

Rick shook his head.

“I need you to let me go,” Carl admitted. “I need you to tell me that you’ll be okay when I leave again.”

Rick choked out a solitary sob. “I want you to go, Carl. I know that I was wrong, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t have to,” Carl sighed. “Let it go. Let me go.”

Rick didn’t know if he could do it. If he could stand losing Carl, or if he could stop blaming himself for what happened to Daryl.

Carl continued, “Understand that you can’t save everybody all of the time. Not Daryl. Not me.”

Rick walked around Carl to exit the room. In such a short time, Carl had come to know and understand Rick so thoroughly. Rick was amazed at how quickly Carl had seen through him. Carl knew him better than anyone.

“You won’t hurt me. I’m not going to hurt you. This is how it needs to be, Rick,” Carl voiced his realization with strength and confidence.

“We both need this,” Carl explained.

“What? Need what?” Rick asked.

“The closure. I guess,” Carl clarified. “I can’t leave knowing it’s going to break you. I can’t stay knowing that it’s going to break me. We need to agree.”

“What do you want me to do?” Rick wondered.

“We need to go our separate ways,” Carl explained. “For good.”

Rick agreed. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. It’s your choice, and I’ll let you have that this time.”

Rick knew he was being selfish to accept Carl’s suggestion. He knew that Carl would regret it; not reporting Rick. He knew what he had to do, but first he would enjoy his last moments with Carl. The love of his life and the object of his deepest regret.

“Have you shower, Carl. After that…we can decide what to do. How to tell your parents without admitting that I’m guilty.”

Carl smiled. “I’ll think it over in the shower.”

 

As soon as Carl was under the water, Rick went to his desk. He began writing.

_I am so sorry. To Carl most of all. When he first stepped into my path on the first day of his vacation, I knew that I needed to protect him. I saved Carl from an unprovoked attack when he was lost on the pathway in the trees._

_I loved him immediately. He reminded me of  a friend I lost years ago, and I wanted a second chance at that relationship._

_I know Carl cared for me also. Maybe not as deeply as I cared for him, but it would be hard for anyone to love him more than I do._

_When he admitted to his parents that he was gay, I was there to comfort him. When his parents wanted to leave, and when Carl refused to stay, I just couldn’t let him go. His father was emotionally abusive, and his mother was vacant and weak. I needed to show Carl a better way of living._

_I couldn’t accept that he would leave me. That he would reject me after all of the love I’d given him._

_I took him, and kept him in my home for almost a month. I locked him away in hopes that his parents would never find him. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done to Carl. I hurt him more than the people I was trying to save him from. I betrayed him._

_He will go back to his family. He’s leaving now, and I’m going to let him. He doesn’t want to report me, but I can’t accept that. I’m guilty, and I deserve punishment. The guilt I feel for taking him is only second to the guilt I feel for letting him go now. I know he will not be safe, and anything that happens to him back home is on my hands._

_This is my admission of guilt, and my goodbye. I won’t live in a world where I can’t have Carl by my side._

_I love you, Carl. Thank you for everything._  
  


_~Rick Grimes._

Rick looked over the letter. He frowned, wrinkling his nose. It was a bit cheesy. He felt like he’d said everything that needed to be said. As soon as Carl was out the door, Rick was going to end it. What the letter said was true—he didn’t want to live without Carl. If Carl wasn’t going to tell everyone what he did, Rick would have to do it himself. He didn’t deserve to go unpunished. He hated himself, and he wanted everyone else to hate him too. If Carl report him, he’d go to prison, and if Carl kept it a secret, he’d have to live with it for the rest of his life, and he’d have to live with Carl’s rejection, and the knowledge that Carl was being treated poorly by his family. Rick would rather die than live with any of that. He left the note on his desk.

Rick decided to empty the cooler that had kept Carl fed for the past weeks. He put all of the refrigerated items into his own fridge in the kitchen, and the energy bars into his cupboard. He removed the sheets from the walls of the spare room and threw them in the garbage. Once Carl was out of his bathroom he’d put the toilet paper back. He wished he could seal up the room permanently so he’d never have to look at it again, but killing himself was going to take care of that anyways.

 

Carl had never known pleasure greater than what he felt in the shower. Going weeks without a shower was the real torture. He reached for shampoo, hesitating before grabbing the bottle. Carl grasped the bottle carefully, opening the cap to smell the scent before dispensing the product into his hands. It smelled neutral; not overpowering—he wouldn’t smell like Rick. Carl considered whether smelling like Rick bothered him, or if he thought it _should_ bother him. Rick was the one who had mentioned the transfer of scents through deodorant in the first place. After that, Carl had been hyperaware of Rick’s scent. Rick smelled the opposite of flowery. He smelled almost industrial, yet clean. If Carl had to describe how Rick smelled, he would say crisp wood and fresh earth. Made sense since he spent so much time in the woods.

When Carl saw greenery, and the browns of the woods, he felt Rick. He’d noticed it when he’d been only just become free. As soon as he left his prison, the fresh air had been so poignant and inescapable. Once he got outside, the surroundings of woods foliage were overbearing. It all screamed Rick. In the heat of the shower, Carl only saw water and clarity. It was a bit of a relief. The water started to remind him of his night at that beach with Rick.

Carl shut off the tap quickly after he’d rinsed himself. He wanted to see Rick before the man disappeared. Carl knew he would have to go soon, but he wanted to talk more with the man. He hated him so much, but it wasn’t registering in his mind as it would if it were someone else. He’d hated plenty of people at school—after he’d decided not to like them, they began to disgust him. After he decided to hate Rick, nothing happened. Carl just felt guilty. He’d taken Rick’s love and thrown it back in his face. Now he was leaving again. Carl wondered how he could be so cruel.

 

He wrapped himself in a towel and went to Rick’s closet. He needed clothes. Carl jumped when he saw Rick sitting on the bed.

“Sorry,” Rick said awkwardly. I’ll get out.

Carl nodded. Rick looked calm, but Carl could tell that Rick was losing it. He could tell that Rick was distraught beneath the façade.

“Uh,” Carl mumbled, “Wait.”

Rick stopped in the doorway, waiting for Carl to speak.

“I-,” Carl didn’t know what to say. “I, uh.”

Rick turned around. He was curious. What was so difficult that Carl couldn’t voice it? The boy never kept anything in.

Carl couldn’t find the words. He ran a hand through his damp hair.

Carl let his towel drop to the floor. “One last time?” He asked quietly. He looked at the floor shyly.

Rick raised his eyebrows. He was pained. “Carl.”

Carl walked up to Rick, “Please?”

“Carl, I…I can’t do that,” Rick tried. “It’s not…we can’t do that now.”

Carl looked down at his lap. He just wanted to make Rick happy. He wanted to make up for leaving. He wanted to feel Rick again. He wanted a reminder of what Rick had been like before everything. Carl wanted to have a good memory to take back home with him.

“Why?” Carl asked. “Why can’t you? I want this. You got what you wanted, and now I want something.”

Rick bit his lip. He’d never experience temptation like this. Carl was there for the taking, and this time the boy was offering. Rick wouldn’t have to steal.

“Are you sure?” Rick wondered. “If you’re not sure…I couldn’t—”

Carl lay back, exposing his full nudity to Rick. He’d never felt more vulnerable. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. He must’ve been crazy.

Rick knelt over Carl on the bed, careful not to put too much weight on the boy.

“Why are you letting me do this?” Rick asked in confusion. He wondered if it was a trap. Carl being so forgiving didn’t make any sense. Carl’s attitude had made a complete 180. The boy should hate him.

“I don’t know,” Carl admitted. “I just want this. It’s all I get to have.”

Rick frowned, “You’re supposed to hate me,” he whispered into Carl’s ear. Rick nipped at Carl’s neck, waiting for a response.

Carl arched at Rick’s touch. He was getting excited quickly; he hadn’t touched himself once in the past month. He had been to upset and too afraid of getting caught. For a while, he wasn’t sure if Rick was going to…do stuff to him. He didn’t want to be seen as sexual in the slightest. Even after he realized that wasn’t going to happen—since Rick’s intention wasn’t to hurt him—he couldn’t masturbate. Something about that room…he would’ve never done that in that room. Even if he’d been there for 50 years.

“You’re supposed to love me,” Carl argued. If Rick wanted him so badly, what was the problem? Rick should be jumping at this chance.

“I’m afraid you’ll hate me for this. Hate me even more,” Rick admitted. After he voiced his thoughts, he realized. He was going to kill himself, so what did it matter? He could have this one last thing, right? He wasn’t going to fight Carl anymore. He would do anything for Carl.

Carl wrapped his legs around Rick’s hips, getting settled into the position. “Fuck me,” he whispered.

Rick was ready for this. He unzipped his pants with one hand while his opposite hand supported him. He gave that position up and rolled off Carl to lie beside him. He pulled off his shirt and pants completely, reaching for the drawer in his beside table. Rick wanted to get the lube. He was hurrying before Carl could change his mind.

Carl watched Rick hungrily. He spread his legs eagerly for Rick. Rick coated his finger with lubricant, and ran his finger up and down across Carl’s entrance. Carl moaned softly, reacting positively to Rick’s touch—especially since he hadn’t seen any action in quite a while as far as he was concerned.

Carl knew that Rick was rushing, and he felt a little discomfort when Rick entered a second finger before he was quite ready. He relished the burn, enjoying the slight pain. He felt sick to think that he enjoyed Rick hurting him. He almost wished that Rick would just abandon the prep and fuck him immediately. He knew it would hurt, but he still wanted it. Carl wanted to feel roughed up.

“Do it now,” Carl whined, arching his hips off the bed to bump into Rick’s body enticingly.

“You’re not ready,” Rick argued, continuing to loosen Carl’s hole.

“It doesn’t matter,” Carl said. He was desperate for Rick to go ahead. He wanted Rick to hurt him.

Rick frowned, unsure of what to do. What was Carl doing? He couldn’t help but wonder if Carl was trying to make this look forced…it could help with condemning him later. Rick was angry with himself for even thinking like that about Carl. The boy was undoubtedly good. Rick reminded himself. Even if that was Carl’s intention, it wouldn’t affect him. He had plans.

Rick listened to Carl, grabbing hold of his cock. He pushed into Carl slowly, gasping at the feeling of Carl’s ass around his width. It was so tight.

Carl cried out. He knew he wasn’t ready. The feeling was…indescribable. It felt painful, of course, but so tight and full. He could feel all of Rick.

Rick pulled out and grabbed himself. He was unbelievably hard. He poured a bit of lube in his hand, and ran it up and down his shaft.

Rick pushed into Carl’s body once more.

“Ah,” Carl exhaled.

Rick didn’t ask if Carl was okay, he just pushed forward until he couldn’t go any deeper. Carl’s legs were on either side of his neck, and he was kneeling before the boy. He massaged Carl’s hips with his thumbs, trying to ease the discomfort for the boy. He withdrew his hips slightly and then thrust forward in equal measure. Carl groaned.

“Oh my…” Carl didn’t finish his sentence. “Keep going.”

They were so close. Rick knew this was closer to Carl than he deserved, and closer than he’d ever get to Carl, or anyone else ever again. This was ecstasy and love. Rick had never felt so complete. He wished he never had to let Carl go, but he would never do that to Carl again. He couldn’t hurt Carl again.

Rick thrust in and out of Carl slowly, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of the boy’s body. Carl tried his best to move with him, meeting each of his thrusts by flexing his ass off the bed.

Rick had his eyes on Carl’s cock the entire time. He wanted to suck Carl off more than anything. The boy was so hard, and his ass felt so good.

“Carl,” Rick grunted, “You feel so good.”

Carl bit his bottom lip, squeezing his eyes shut. He concentrated on nothing but the feeling of Rick’s cock inside his ass, moving in and out. He could feel the precome on the tip of his dick. Rick was doing everything right. The pain had subsided, and now all he felt was intense pressure as he waited to orgasm. Carl had never wanted to come so desperately. He knew that as soon as Rick put a hand on his dick, he would be finished.

Rick picked up his pace, gripping onto Carl’s hips and practically dragging him forward to envelope his length. He’d never had such emotional sex before. All his senses were heightened because he knew that this was the last time he’d ever get to have this. His guilt for what he’d done to Carl and the hurt from Carl’s rejection competed with the pleasure Carl’s body was giving him. Carl’s body won. Rick came without warning, groaning out Carl’s name.

Carl was pleased when Rick climaxed. He decided that he enjoyed seeing the man in this debauched state. He didn’t regret doing this at all, even though everything in him was telling him he should. Carl didn’t have it in him to regret this. He liked sex, and he liked the feeling of Rick’s body on top of his; there was nothing else. He reached up to run his hands through Rick’s curls. The man had let them grow out a little, along with his facial hair. God, he looked sexy, Carl thought. It was unbelievable.

Carl was surprised when Rick withdrew from his ass, leaving him exposed to the air. Rick lay back on the bed beside Carl. The boy looked down at his own untouched dick, wondering what was going to happen next.

“Get on top,” Rick asked, shifting his body closer to Carl’s.

The boy rolled over onto his side and swung a leg over Rick’s body. He was uncertain of his movements.

“Lean forward,” Rick suggested once Carl was straddling him. “I’ll put it in, and you sit back.”

Carl’s stomach fluttered at Rick’s words. Rick was going to take care of him. Carl’s cock responded happily to the feeling of Rick entering him once more. Rick’s come and the lube left over from the first session made Rick’s length fit a lot better in Carl’s hole.

“Ahhh,” Carl sighed, relieved. Rick had a firm grasp on his hips again once more, and he was seated fully on the man’s cock. “What now?” Carl wondered. They'd done it like this before, but it was a tricky position to master.

“Just move up and down. Nice and slow,” Rick instructed. His hands guided Carl’s body up and down on top of his own.

Once Carl got a rhythm going, Rick began to stroke Carl’s dick. Every time Carl sat down completely, Rick pulled his hand up to squeeze the Carl’s head. The boy was leaking precome steadily.

“Do it, Carl,” Rick encouraged.

Carl nodded, closing his eyes. He moved up and down more quickly, his thighs burning, and his stomach clenching. He gasped loudly when he came, shooting onto Rick’s chest. Rick thrust up, his dick sensitive from being in continuous use. Carl groaned at the sensation of Rick’s movements. He didn’t know how the man was still moving. After a few deep thrusts, Rick climaxed a second time, and Carl collapsed forward onto his chest.

“Are you okay?” Rick asked quietly, helping Carl off his lap.

“Yeah,” Carl sighed. “That was…it was good.”

Rick huffed, “Yeah. I don’t know where it came from, but…thank you for letting me…”

Carl shrugged, snuggling into the blankets. “Last time, right?” He said sadly.

“Yeah, yeah I guess it is,” Rick agreed.

Carl nodded into his pillow. It was all over so fast. Everything seemed so far away now. Next time he woke up, he’d have to leave. This was the last time he’d ever see Rick. He knew that forgiving the man was a bit premature, and probably misguided, but he was 15—he was allowed to make mistakes. He knew that he couldn’t stay with Rick, and he knew that he couldn’t stay with his parents if things weren’t going to change. He was stuck, but if he didn’t leave the island now, he was afraid he never would. He had succumbed to Rick’s charms, and they’d had sex, yes. But that was over now, and he needed to leave. Regardless of what happened or how nice Rick was, both of them needed time apart. The thing Carl was most afraid of was what he was going to tell his parents. Second to that was how Rick was going to react when he tried to leave. Carl couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be taken again.

Before Carl drifted off he felt Rick’s lips on his forehead. It was so soft that it barely registered with him. “I’m so sorry, Carl,” Rick whispered.

Carl hummed. It was okay. Rick was okay. The man had just made a mistake. He was sorry.

 

Carl awoke in a panic. He jumped up, looking around the room wildly. He looked at Rick’s body beside him, sound asleep. He peered over the man’s figure to see the time on the alarm clock. It was only 10:13pm. It was disorienting as fuck to fall asleep in the afternoon and to wake up at night. He felt lightheaded.

Carl tip toed across the room, gathering his clothes. He didn’t want Rick to wake up. He was pretty certain that Rick wasn’t going to try anything, but it was better to leave while Rick was sleeping before the man had a chance to get upset. Carl found a few random pieces in the dark.

The boy was in the hallway when his stomach betrayed him. His skin became hot and prickly, and the pain in his stomach made his knees weak. “Fuck,” he whispered, clutching his stomach. He ran into the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet as soon as it came into sight. He felt sicker thinking that Rick could wake up at any moment. Carl wanted to get out of the house. He sat next to the toilet for a few minutes, ensuring that his stomach was calmed. It seemed okay. Maybe the puke was from nerves. That had happened to him once before when he was a kid. His mind was foggy and he felt like he was swimming through his consciousness. What was he trying to do? Everything seemed so distant and confusing.

When Carl was steady enough to stand, he decided to use the toilet. Before he even did anything, he took some toilet paper to wipe his ass of all the lube and come. He raised his eyebrows at the soiled toilet paper throwing it into the toilet with a smirk.

Carl sighed, splashing some water onto his face. He put his mouth to the faucet and gulped some water back. His leg kept shaking. His body felt too tense. He felt itchy. Carl stared at himself in the mirror, his stomach was in knots, clenching and unclenching. Carl rocked back and forth willing the feelings to go away. He hated feeling sick. Especially for no reason.

Carl decided to power through it. He didn’t want to stick around and make enough noise to wake Rick up. He needed to get out of there and back to his parents before they decided to leave without him.

The boy paused when he came to Rick’s office. He wondered if he should grab his journals or leave them. Did he want any memory of this place? Carl decided to take them. He flipped through his newest one, ripping out a blank sheet.

He sat in Rick’s office chair. The first place they’d gotten physical. Carl frowned. How did everything get so fucked up?

Carl squinted in the dark, struggling to see the paper. He hadn’t wanted to turn on any lights, but he figured a lamp would be all right. He needed to see the note he was about to write.

He felt around for the lamp and flicked it on. In his search for a pen, a piece of paper caught his eye. It was Rick’s note.

Carl read it, trying not to cry. The letter was upsetting to read. Rick was so truthful, and Carl could see that the man felt truly awful for what he’d done. Rick felt as guilty for taking Carl as Carl had for leaving. When Carl realized that it was a suicide note he glared. How dare Rick. He’d specifically asked the man to keep it a secret. He didn’t want Rick to be punished for a mistake. A mistake that he’d made up for. Carl was pissed. Rick had broken his promise. Always trying to be a hero, Carl thought sarcastically. He took Rick’s note and put it inside his journals. Fuck that.

Carl began writing. His print was a scribbled mess on the page because his words were flowing so fast. Everything he wrote down he hated. How had Rick written such a beautiful note? That pissed him off too. Fucking Rick.

_~~How dare you~~ _

_~~What the fuck?~~ _

_~~Why~~ _

_Please don’t kill yourself._

_~~I love you~~ _

_I forgive you._

_I can’t leave if I’m worried about you. I have to do this, Rick. Just honor your promise. You promised me you wouldn’t report yourself. Just don’t._

_Fuck it…._

_I love you. OK?_

_Let that be enough. Let me go. I won’t forget you._

_-C_

Carl ran out the door as soon as he’d signed the letter. He had to leave before he decided to stay. Carl walked briskly through the woods, hoping he didn’t run into anyone unsavoury. Or the detective. He didn’t want to have to explain anything. Fuck. That was going to be a tricky situation to get out of. Where was he supposed to say he’d been for the past month?

Carl didn’t notice he’d tripped until he was on the ground. The sick feeling in his stomach returned. His head pounded. He brought his fingers up to the source of pain gently. It was wet and hot. He was bleeding. The dizziness from earlier returned, but Carl ignored it. He got up and kept walking. He wanted to get to his parents before they left.

The boy wandered for a few minutes, trying to reorient himself in the woods. It was dark as fuck.

Finally, Carl noticed the trees were thinning. He rushed forward, walking right into a thick branch. Getting hit in the head a second time awakened the sensations all over his body. He felt like he had a million tiny cuts all over his arms his legs. He realized that he probably did. All the adrenaline from escaping had kept him from feeling any pain, but he’d been walking through branches and foliage for the past half hour. He was pretty roughed up.

Carl emerged from the woods onto the main pathway. He fell to his knees onto the pavement. He was in complete disbelief that he’d made it. The lanterns that lined the path to the hotel were lit up, and he followed them eagerly. When he saw his body in the light, all the blood and cuts made him realize…he had the perfect strategy for getting out of this without implicating Rick. He didn’t need to lie or tell some story, or say that he’d been hiding. Carl could just say he didn’t remember. Carl knew what he had to do.

The boy ran back into the woods before anybody could see him. He dug a hole in the dirt and put the journals he was carrying in the hole. He didn’t need anyone to read those when they found him.  He knelt on the ground, picking up the dirt and covering his semi-clean clothes in it. Carl needed to look dirty. When he felt his appearance was sufficient, he crawled forward to the edge of the pavement. He lay down, hoping to fall asleep before he could concentrate too much on the bugs that were probably crawling all over him. It was disgusting to think about.

The gash on Carl’s head would be his ticket out. Memory loss. He was practically giddy. Rick would find the note, live on, and then Carl could leave knowing that he didn’t have to worry about Rick. After that he was home free. Back to his old life. The thought was disappointing, but necessary. As long as he knew Rick wasn’t going to kill himself, he could do this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me at grimesobcest.tumblr.com :)


	17. Day 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the escape.

 

Carl didn’t mean to cry when a Black woman and an Asian boy sat on the ground with him. The woman pulled him into her lap and smoothed back his hair.

“Carl?” The boy said. “You’re Carl, right?”

The woman was grinning even though her face was clouded with concern.

“Oh my God,” the boy kept repeating. “He’s alive.”

“I don’t believe it,” an older man said.

Carl watched them all without saying a word. 5 minutes felt like 5 years. He let the woman cradle his filthy body. She was nice, and warm.

“What happened, son?” The old man asked. “Are you all right?”

Carl just cried openly, unsure of what to say. It had been so long since he’d seen another person besides Rick, let alone 3 people.

“Your parents are on their way,” the woman whispered into Carl’s ear.

Carl didn’t react when she spoke into her walkie talkie, “Rick, come in. Rick?”

“Yeah?” Rick answered on the phone. Carl could hear the loss in the man’s voice. He’d gotten the note. He was still alive.

“We got him.”

“What?” Rick asked.

“The boy. Carl. We just found him. You better get down here.”

Rick didn’t respond, to Carl’s dismay. He wondered what the man was thinking.

When Carl spotted his mother and father running down the path, he cowered into the woman’s body. His mom picked him up forcefully, pulling him into a deep hug. He cried freely, gross sobs escaping his weak body. He didn’t know if he would ever see her again, and now he was in her arms. He felt simultaneously terrified and relieved. Shane didn’t say anything, electing to just wrap his arms around his wife and son.

When Rick walked into sight, Carl felt immediately calmer. He would deny it to himself and anyone else, but he had to force himself not to run into the man’s arms. He regretted everything. He wished he would’ve just stayed in the first place. Sadly, above all he wished Rick hadn’t kidnapped him. It put a taint on everything they had between one another. All the trust was gone. Rick couldn’t trust Carl because he would leave, and Carl couldn’t trust Rick because he wouldn’t let him leave. It was too much for either of them.

“Wh-what…what happened?” Rick stuttered. “Are you all right?”

Rick looked directly at Carl, wondering what would happen next. Everything that happened in the next few minutes would determine the outcome of the rest of his life.

“Who…who are you?” Carl whispered.

It physically hurt Carl to say those words aloud, but they were necessary. It hurt even worse to see the look on Rick’s face. Carl realized that Rick wouldn’t know that he wasn’t serious. He remembered everything.

  
Rick looked at Carl’s face for any trace of a hint that he was just saying those words as a cover. Rick tried to tell if Carl was serious. The boy had cuts all over him and a huge gash on his forehead, but did he really forget? Would that really be such a bad thing? Rick wondered.

“I brought my first aid kit,” Rick announced, “Wanna bring him to the infirmary, or just patch him up here?”

Shane spoke, “Let’s get the boy to a doctor. Then we can find out where in the hell he’s been.”

Rick stepped forward in anger, ready to knock Shane onto his ass, but the look on Carl’s face stopped him. Confusion and fear. Rick knew instantly that Carl wasn’t joking. Carl was gone. Everything they’d had was gone. Rick had nothing to live with except the guilt.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 week after to 10 years after.  
> What is life like for Rick and Carl?

1 week later:

Rick sat at his desk with his head in his hands. He had read Carl's letter over and over again. It was all he had left of the boy. More than he'd even wanted to initially, he wanted to end it. Now he didn't even have the comfort of knowing Carl was out there--at least not a Carl who loved him or forgave him. The only partner he'd had to share this secret with couldn't remember it. Rick was truly alone.

Rick remembered the hours following Carl's rescue vividly. The boy had been cleaned up, fed, and dressed. Everyone on the island was notified, and many of the guests even came by the infirmary to greet Carl. Rick was disgusted with how emotional everyone had been when that the boy had been rescued--as if they'd done anything to help in the beginning.

He found out that Carol hadn't even waited until Carl was out of the hospital to question him. He had to find out through Lori that Carl didn't remember anything except walking on the beach before he blanked. Rick didn't know how he felt about Carl remembering coming out. He would bet any money that Shane was disappointed with that memory remaining intact.

Rick kept his distance, since technically he had no business being a part of the commotion.

This letter was all he had left of Carl, and the only proof that anything had actually happened. Everything else was gone.

 

2 weeks later:

Carl woke up every night completely soaked in sweat. His dreams were filled with green and brown imagery with interludes of sharp blue. Carl thought of Rick every night. Carl could feel Rick's heartbreak and loss from halfway across the world. He was disgusted with himself for what he'd done. He'd promised Rick forgiveness and love, and then he'd ripped it away from the man. It was the only way.

Every day Carl would peek at the back of his closet. As soon as he opened the door he could smell the dirt and the earth; he could smell Rick. He kept the journals and Rick's note wrapped in a grocery bag beneath a pile of clothes he'd outgrown. The journals were the only proof he had that his memories were real. His lies tangled with reality dangerously in his mind, and he was scared that he would actually forget. He'd dug up the journals from their hole in the ground before leaving the island for good. His mother had almost caught him, and he was scared that Rick would come up behind him any minute and realize that he was lying about not remembering. It was worth it to get the journals, but it was a huge risk. Rick couldn't find out. As much as Carl regretted hurting Rick and leaving him alone in the aftermath, he couldn't make it better. The only chance Rick had at forgiving himself was believing that Carl wasn't hurt. If Carl didn't remember what happened, then there was nothing to forgive, and if there was nothing to forgive, Rick didn't have to feel guilty. Carl hoped that Rick saw it that way.

He wondered if Rick thought of him too.

 

1 month later:

Carl wasn't looking forward to going back to school. Grade 10. A few people knew what happened, but since he wasn't popular no one cared.

His parents fought every day. The whole point of him leaving Rick in the first place had been so that he could earn back his parents' love and prove that they were good people. So far, he regretted that decision immensely. His dad was happy that he was alive, but he didn't hide the fact that he was concerned about having lost a month's pay. His mom was withdrawn except when it came to catering to him. Carl liked all the extra attention from his mother, and she seemed to be progressing well in her acceptance of his sexuality, but she still had some work to do.

Carl hated everything. He missed Rick.

 

3 months later:

Rick was having a difficult time adjusting to life on the island. Hershel had kept his promise to the Walshes and to the detective. He hired more security and more staff so nothing like what had happened could ever happen again. Luckily a lot of the new hires needed training, and Rick was the most experienced employee, so he had a lot to keep him occupied while he tried to get over the loss of Carl.

Rick immersed himself in his work; there was nothing else he could do, and he wouldn't break his promise to Carl. No matter what.

 

4 months later:

Carl was enjoying the tenth grade more than he thought he would. He remembered his conversations with Rick a lot. He remembered how the man had told him to find something he was good at, even if it wasn't academic, and excel at it. Rick had believed in him--had known that he was good at something. Carl wanted to live up to it. He wanted to make Rick proud.

He asked his dad to take him to the range once a week. He asked his mom if he could join in on the book club she hosted every other week. Carl wanted to try and find things to take his mind off everything, yet keep his mind on it. He didn't need to make sense.

Shane had looked surprised when Carl asked, "You sure? You haven't wanted to do that in...in months."

"I think," Carl began, "I think we should try to be closer...I'm not asking you to...go out of your way or anything. Just... we can do this one thing."

Shane nodded, "Fair enough."

Of course Lori was happy to give anything to her son after what he'd been through. She was overjoyed to welcome him into the club. Carl was pleased since he loved reading and writing. Whenever it was his turn to suggest a new book he picked psychological thrillers and suspense. He was addicted.

 

1 year later:

Over the summer, Carl had written for a lot of writing competitions. Poetry, short stories, long fiction... he wanted to do it all. The summer came with a lot of emotion for him since the summer meant that it had been a year. A year since Rick.

Since so much time had passed, he was getting used to the idea of never seeing the man again. He knew it was necessary. He knew he couldn't go back to his captor. It just wasn't sane.

All of his reading had really driven that point home. He'd been doing some research about...things. Why had he felt so guilty for leaving? Why did he want to stay. He found out that it was called Stockholm Syndrome, and it really sent his emotional well-being into a whirlwind. He questioned everything that he'd felt for Rick in captivity and after his release. He found himself second-guessing the sex they'd had that last day. Was that why he'd gotten so sick? Was his body trying to tell his mind no? Things got hard after that.

Carl didn't really know what to do about it all. Was his love for Rick real, or was he just too fucked up to hate the man who'd hurt him?

 

2 years later:

Things got better for Carl in senior year. He joined the yearbook editing team, and he was in charge of the student newspaper. Anything that involved reading and writing was enough to draw him in. He wanted to fine-tune his skills for university. Carl knew he wanted to be a writer. Part of that journey was rewriting his journals into word documents on his computer. He never touched the originals, but he continuously edited the copies, intertwining them into a story. Using his own pain to create success and clarity finally helped him shed light on his opinions of Rick. Carl was allowed to miss Rick and even forgive him, but he didn't have to feel guilty. He could heal and appreciate what they had. Carl didn't want to let it ruin him anymore. Seeing a counselor didn't hurt either.

 

\---

Rick left the island for a few months. With all of the new staff that were on duty, even in off-season, he could leave knowing that things wouldn't fall apart. Off-seasons were starting to be busier than usual since word of Carl's disappearance had gotten out, and curious travelers wanted to see what the island was like. The extra business compensated for all the extra staff needed.

He visited the States. His old hometown. He drove by the property where Daryl's house used to be before it burned down. Rick visited the cemetery that held his friend's body. It was time for him to let Daryl go. Letting Carl go was proof to Rick that he didn't need to carry around guilt and regret for the rest of his life. He didn't need to be scared that people would leave him because he knew he could get through it. He knew Daryl would forgive him if Carl could.

Rick didn't try to find Carl or his home. He didn't visit his parents, and he didn't hang around for long. He'd come for Daryl and for himself.

When it was over, and he'd had his fill of hotels and American scenery, he want back to his home on the island. Getting off the island was just what he needed to feel at home on the island. He felt like he had a fresh start, and visiting Daryl had been a huge step on his journey of self-improvement.

Even with all of that, Carl's letter was still in his top drawer. He was allowed to miss the boy, after all.

 

3 years later:

When Carl had sex for the first time with someone who wasn't Rick, the old feelings of guilt returned. He felt like he'd betrayed the man. He felt disgusted with himself. Weak.

He made sure that he wrote that into the personal notes of his novel in progress. It would be good to add in to the journal entry portion.

Carl was going to university. Double majoring in psychology and creative writing. Even his father had managed to be proud at his graduation when he was awarded a scholarship--full ride. Throwing himself into writing and entering the competitions had really helped him. He had himself and Rick to thank for that. He had his dad to thank for having a damn good shot too. He liked being a man of many talents. It helped him charm. Rick had been right about that. Talent and confidence were good enough to seduce anyone...Carl had experienced that first hand.

He still had counselling once a week. If the writing thing didn't work out, he'd probably take his psychology degree further and become a psychiatrist. Matters of the human mind fascinated him.

 

5 years later:

Carl was happy when his mother called him. They were closer than ever, and now that she and Carl's father were getting a divorce, their relationship would undoubtedly strengthen. Carl was proud of Lori. It had taken her a while...20 years, but still. She finally did it.

Carl could see that he took after his parents when it came to unhealthy and destructive relationships. Nobody ever compared to Rick. He either ended relationships before they even began, or he got dumped when his partners found him too emotional and secretive. It was fine by Carl. He enjoyed living alone, and he enjoyed keeping his eyes glued to his manuscript. He never tired of writing.

 

6 years later:

Rick finally felt healthy again. He was starting to get closer to the staff instead of distancing himself and acting mysterious. Hershel was considering retiring, and despite all of the problems they'd had with Carl and the disappearance, Rick had proven himself by never letting anything like that happen again. Rick was about to get a nice raise.

He hadn't taken another lover since Carl. He couldn't stomach the thought of it. Maybe someday.

 

8 years later:

Carl couldn't believe how well-received the book had been. People from all over loved it. He received fan mail daily asking him if he'd written it from personal experience. Talk-show hosts were calling his publisher to invite him onto their shows for interviews. Through it all, Carl just wished he could share his success and happiness with Rick.

The most difficult thing about becoming semi-famous was dealing with his mother's worries. "Carl, the book is...it's excellent, but I'm scared. How did you come up with this?"

Carl didn't know what to say to anyone who asked that question. He didn't think anyone could handle the answer. He wondered if Rick had read it yet, or if he even knew about it. Was the man even still alive?

 

10 years later:

"No way!" Michonne grinned, her smack awakening Glenn from his napping position on the desk.

"What?" Glenn asked groggily.

"Look who it is," Michonne jumped up, running over to Carl.

"Hey, Michonne," Carl said quietly.

"Shit, your voice got deep," the woman said in surprise. "What's it been? 10 years?"

"Yeah," Carl chuckled. "I'm surprised you guys remember me."

"How could we forget you dude?" Glenn wondered. "Seeing you all bloody and scratched up. Half in the woods? You're a legend. Surviving an entire month in the wilderness alone?"

Carl flushed, looking at Glenn seriously, "Yeah, I uh," he scratched his head, "That was pretty crazy."

"What are you doing back here?" Michonne wondered. "Did you...did you remember anything?"

Carl raised his eyebrows. It still came as a shock to him that people still believed that story.  "Oh, no. Still...still pretty blank," he emphasized the k.

"Oh, sweetheart," Michonne said sadly.

"I just thought I'd come visit," Carl shrugged. "I'm a writer now, so, anything from my past is good to explore for new material."

"Oh yeah," Glenn nodded. "Cool, well. Obviously your stay is free. If there's anything we can do...feel free."

Carl nodded graciously, "You two saved my life, I think that's pretty good. I don't think I'll be bothering you much."

 

Carl didn't bother putting his stuff into his hotel room. If things went as expected, he didn't need a hotel room.

He found himself on the pathways that he'd walked 10 years ago in his youth. The trees and the earth smelled just as he remembered them. Just as his journals smelled. He could feel his body come to life as he walked through the underbrush. It was as if the past 10 years had been a dream, and he'd finally woken up to his reality.

He belonged on the island with Rick. He'd had 10 years to sort through the guilt, the rage, and the confusion. He'd been through counselling, he'd repaired his relationship with his mother, and he'd ended his relationship with his father. Carl'd been successful, gotten an education, and proven to himself that he could survive on his own. Without Rick. As a reward, he was giving himself Rick. If the man would have him. It was what he'd wanted all these years, and it could finally be his. Underneath Carl's calm exterior he was terrified. Rick could have a spouse, or he could be completely unhinged. He could be dead. Carl hadn't dared to ask Michonne or Glenn since he wasn't supposed to even know Rick.

Carl knew the right away to Rick's cabin, but he didn't take it. He wanted to get lost again for old time's sake. When he found himself truly lost, he decided to retrace his steps back to his beginning. He froze when he turned around ready to walk back. Rick was right in front of him. It was real. Rick was still here.

Rick's face went from utter shock, to mild surprise, to sadness, to realization. Rick put a hand to his head in disbelief, tears welling up in his eyes.

Carl smiled at the man smugly, completely relieved to see the man alive and well. Everything that had been missing from his life finally came into perspective. He was finally with Rick.

"I told you I'd come back," Carl whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story.
> 
> Love. xx
> 
> grimesobcest.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Please come follow me on Tumblr~  
> -I answer questions about stories and my opinions on the Grimescest ship. I post original and unoriginal content about Andrew Lincoln, Chandler Riggs/ Rick Grimes, Carl Grimes.  
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> 
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